Many of us are going through massive change in our lives.
Some are adapting to the pandemic with grace and ease while others are being brought to their knees. It seems the very foundations we have used as comforting touch stones are crumbling.
We can no longer walk into a bank or go to the office. Shopping has gone primarily online as people order meals, groceries, and anything under the sun to avoid going to stores. Masks have become an everyday accessory and fashion statement, and they seem to create a barrier or feeling of disconnection, not to mention the plexiglass between us and the checkout cashiers.
Everything has gone virtual and we are enjoying (or not enjoying) being together as a family 24/7. There is more separation instead of human connection.
On the plus side, we have been gifted more time without commuting, extra curricular activities, business trips, and vacation travel. The extra “time” can be uncomfortable with the loss of our entertainment and distractions. All of a sudden we find ourselves with our children and families 24/7 or alone with ourselves 24/7!
A lot of truth started rising to the surface. Adapting and changing direction is uncomfortable, but maybe it’s the best thing that will ever happen to us.
People are either loving it or really struggling. We may not have control over the turn of events but we always have control over how we respond to them.
What we as a society are going through is what I call the narrows. It is the uncomfortable place we squeeze through before leveling up, and it feels like those favorite jeans don’t quite fit anymore but we keep trying to squeeze into them. The narrows is a space we move through to get to our next level of existence. The discomfort we are feeling is the shedding of everything we are attached to that no longer works for us or resonates.
Evolution changes the very fabric of our lives, so there’s natural anxiety around what’s coming next. It feels like we are on the precipice, and whether we rise or fall is yet to be determined. Patterns repeat until we make a conscious decision to change; sometimes circumstances force us to evolve and move forward despite the discomfort.
The most powerful tool to navigate these times is emotional detachment. Become an observer of what is happening. Observing it and asking what emotions are being triggered inside provides clarity, and clarity sometimes removes the emotional hook.
This is where the gold is, creating an opportunity to see and acknowledge fear and identify where it’s coming from, and process it. We are not only bearing witness to the breakdown of a lot of our foundations, but also the birthing of something new. We get to choose where to place our focus and attention. What can we do differently to support our journey?
Adapting and processing these uncomfortable feelings can be challenging without healthy coping tools. When I’m in the space of observing, I look at all perspectives and moving parts, then choose how I’m going to respond. I feel the feelings rather than bury them or numb them. Recognize that anger and outrage often come from old wounds, so if something is creating a flared reaction—pay attention. Get curious and sit with it; something might be coming to the surface to clear.
When we change our perspective and embrace the knowing that our emotional triggers show us our wounds, this understanding gives us permission to turn the lens inward. Rather than being reactive, we can choose step back and pause.
Every emotion we feel is a signpost pointing us deeper into the well of our soul. Be brave and go there. Be kind to yourself through the process; love yourself through the healing and discomfort. Remove the judgment of it! All of us have emotions being triggered right now. Observing them, owning them, processing them, and clearing them propels us through the tight, uncomfortable spaces. The belt will loosen, and we can breathe again.
Have faith that the unfolding is happening in perfect time and perfect order regardless of outward appearance. Often, rebirth and creation are a messy process.
Handle yourself with kid gloves. Be kind and offer compassion to others who are flaring and venting. Compassion does not mean taking abuse or being a victim of their discomfort. Compassion often looks like giving the person space, walking away, or not responding to their hostile text, or even getting off the phone. Offer compassion to yourself. Step back and breathe.
Wherever we are in the process, we are always in control of how we respond. We can choose to leave, create space, work on our own healing, or just hold space for the events unfolding in our lives.
Release the agenda around everything. It’s fine to have opinions, but when we start trying to control the outcomes of others, we start tipping into fear-based behavior.
When I let go of having to control the outcome or fix anything for anyone, my life improved about 1,000 percent.
The only thing I’ve focused on is healing myself. I used to think I could change the world, but now I realize I can only change myself.
Those who choose to heal themselves will create a bridge for others to follow.