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March 27, 2021

A Letter to my Lover, when it’s That Time of the Month.

Thank you for seeing me, feeling me, and listening to me.

I love that you want to get to know me. I am a feminine creature, and you might find me somewhat mysterious and unpredictable. At one point, you might think that I change like the weather, and you’re out on the wild sea with me, not knowing how to navigate.

Darling, you are right. I change like the weather, and I live in ebb and flow. Like the ocean is influenced by the moon, I am influenced by a similar cycle. I have a moon cycle within me; it’s also approximately 28 days. I am a cyclical being—I experience four monthly seasons. The good news is that getting to know this makes me far less unpredictable. It makes my behaviour ridiculously predictable. I laugh about it often with my sisters. We recognise this.

Please note that everyone’s menstrual cycle is deeply personal and different. This is just my typical cycle.

Getting to know your (or your partner’s) by cycle tracking can give a lot of insight and understanding.

Summer

Have you noticed that I’m sometimes this compassionate, warm-hearted, all-embracing woman full of understanding, forgiveness, and luscious sexual passion and confidence? The next day I’m a little distant, aloof, and lower in energy. I might complain about a headache or something. This is a transition day. The leaves are starting to fall. I often feel disappointed; is it fall already? Yesterday, I felt as high as a kite.

Autumn 

A few days later, you might feel I’m more irritable. I might put you on the spot for something—not so all-embracing anymore. The inner critic has arrived. I see everyone’s shortcomings—especially my own. And it makes me insecure. My pain body is activated, my thoughts loop around my favourite problems, and I can feel overwhelmed by the sorrow of the world. Sadness becomes my undercurrent.

Please, would you not make fun of me but just be with me?

I feel at my most vulnerable, and my pain body is easily activated. I may not be able to take your jokes, especially not if they come from a place of feeling uncomfortable with my changed mood. Your space holding is enough, but if you feel to do anything, now is the time for you to hold ground. Know these days will pass and take me seriously, but don’t take it personally.

Here is what is happening underneath the symptoms: my perception and my feelings are deeper, my energy body is more permeable. There are some moments I feel as if I cannot take, and I will check out. I might be harder to reach, I might feel cold. Just let me drift off a little. I am not drifting away from you, I just sink more into myself. If we do connect, you might think I’m irrational or over-emotional. I am sorry if I cause you a hard time.

My practice, at this point, is not to project onto you, and I am committed to watching this. I will fail, and you can lovingly confront me with my unconscious behaviour. This is a great opportunity for us to do some shadow work now. Although it might feel like a slippery slope or a minefield to you, you’ve got this—let me feel my heart through yours again.

My sexual energy has changed or is absent. Wait for it! It will bring a surprise visit just before menstruation, and I will probably beg you into a deep union. This will come from the depths of the depth. Much slower, much deeper. So different from when I ovulate.
I will be feeling artistic and may become completely immersed in it. I will want to cuddle more, and I’ll cry at the sight of something beautiful. Well, it could be anything, but there will be tears.
Transitions day. Relax, I won’t get into a difficult conversation anymore. The tears announce my blood. And my experience will become calm and dreamy.

Winter

If I can, I will take a whole day off from everything to go into the so-called red tent—my woman cave. When the cramps subside, I love to do intuitive spiritual practises, like meditation, visioning, and ritual. This day marks day one of my menstrual cycle. It is a day I like to spend completely alone—I don’t even answer the phone. The next few days I experience clarity, calmness, and insight.

Spring

From about day three on, I will become more available every day. You will find me getting more cheeky, more light—making a lot of jokes. I love this phase of lightheartedness. I won’t be serious, most of the time. I feel inspired and curious. I make new plans. I feel the innocence in everyone and everything. I want to move my body. I will start to shower you with love. I will share my praise, my music, and my cooking with you; giving you my all because I enjoy that. I love to express my love in multiple ways. I feel romantic so let’s go for picnics, long walks, and skinny-dips.

Summer again

It’s party time. Then, at the peak of my energy, I feel like I can run a million miles. I might be a bit all over the place and even clumsy. But I do want to rip your clothes off right here and now. You can be sure we’ve arrived in summer again. A little disclaimer: my body wants a child. It doesn’t matter if my mind wants it or not. And nature will make sure you find me most attractive and irresistible at this point. Clever, right?

Thank you for listening to me, and thank you for your masculine energy. Your steadiness supports my monthly ebbs and flows like the banks of a river. Oh, and one last thing, not only will you be able to understand me better by knowing my cycle, but I will also be able to hold space for you better when I honour my cycle.

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