I don’t trust people anymore.
I used to always be the one to follow blindly, to take each word that was said to me as the truth. If I was let down, I always gave that person the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they forgot. Life is hard, they’re busy and they don’t owe me anything. There was no way that they’d blow me off, disregard my feelings, say that they’d do something, then not.
After so many years of being abandoned, pushed off to the side, being treated like I no longer existed, I believe that I’ve become cynical and battle-weary. My tender, introverted heart and shredded soul are incapable of believing a word that anyone says to me anymore.
The only exception to this is my 24-year-old daughter which goes without explanation. She is my child and even as an adult, she is trustworthy and her love for me never wavers. This was also true of my own mother, who died almost two years ago. Those are the sort of bonds that, if you’re lucky enough, will never be severed.
My old behavior of trusting every person that I’d come into contact with hasn’t served me well over the years. It’s not a great way of living your life. It opens you up for being an easy mark, a sure bet, naive, and dare I even say immature.
From now on, people will need to earn my trust. I will no longer be giving it away freely.