May 9, 2021

Screw the Dating & Chasing Game—It’s Getting Old.

Photo by Gary Barnes on Pexels.

I grew up with the notion that men love the chase.

It’s one of those old wives’ tales passed down from generation to generation that men like the thrill of the chase. Men chase for their ego, to feel they are the one who finally gets a woman’s attention. Men are natural-born competitors.

If she is getting attention from other men, it makes her more intriguing to him.

If a woman doesn’t have lots of options, she is taught to play hard-to-get, so it appears as though she has other options—the harder she plays, the harder he’ll chase her.

I call bullsh*t on that.

What are these men even chasing? The pure thrill of the chase? They don’t even know what they’re chasing because they never had the chance to get to know her. They only want her because they think everyone else does—like some sort of trophy.

If a woman plays the hard-to-get card, she is putting so much time into a game that she is not getting anything out of. She spends more time acting busy, yet she is still sitting home alone by herself.

This cat and mouse game we grew up with is not healthy for either men or women. It puts pressure on a man, who feels he needs to chase a woman in order to feel something for her.

Where is the line between chasing and stalking? How is he supposed to know if she is playing hard-to-get or if she seriously wants nothing to do with him?

It possibly teaches a man to put the effort in when someone is pushing him away—instead of teaching him to hold on to the ones who are actually there for him.

It puts pressure on a woman to play this game of hard-to-get, which potentially ruins her chance to be happy with someone she actually likes.

It teaches women that men will only be interested when they don’t put time and energy into the relationship: when they are pushing men away.

Who made up these dating rules? Why can’t we just be real with ourselves and who we want to be with?

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When I asked several men if they like the chase, here is what they had to say:

“The chase is fun. But only if there’s two-way interest and real opportunity. If she shoots me down, I take that more as she is uninterested, and we just entered the friend zone. Makes chasing no fun.”

“That would depend on who she was and how much I liked her. Some chick in a bar, no. Somebody I’ve known and liked for a while, maybe.”

“If I really like her, I think I would try hard to a certain point.”

Many men are still chasing, but what happens once he gets her? He will get bored. He will search for the thrill of the chase elsewhere—this type of man isn’t real or genuine.

When I asked several women if they play hard-to-get, this is what they had to say:

“Nope. Playing hard to get is a game, and I’m too old for games. Finding a genuine man is hard to get as it is.”

“These days…nope. Just be yourself.”

“Oh hell no. I never played into that game. I want someone real. I won’t go there.”

These women are tired of the bullsh*t. They want real men. They don’t feel like playing this little game any longer.

While most of us are playing this game, we are missing the real purpose of what dating is all about. Technically, dating is spending time with someone new with the potential of finding our forever person. Not everyone we date will be our person. But how would we even know who the real person is if everyone is playing this dating game?

Dating should be real.

Each person should be their true authentic self in order to give each party the truth about who they are spending time with. This gives each person a chance to determine whether this is someone they could be with forever—or not.

Dating should be fun and exciting. It shouldn’t be exhausting and confusing. We should date to meet new people and actually spend time with each other.

Dating should be about doing, seeing, and learning new things with a complete stranger. We are missing all the good stuff if we are playing the game.

Not everyone is meant to be together. But it doesn’t mean you can’t spend time with people to experience all the wonderful things about dating.

It’s time we end this old wives’ tale and teach our sons and daughters that the person worth being with is someone real, caring, and present.

We can make the dating game a thing of the past if we teach the next generation that it isn’t a thing any longer. Just like we were able to make big hair a thing of the past—let’s make the terrible dating game a fad that fades.

Let’s kill this dating game once and for all.


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Sharon A. DeNofa  |  Contribution: 196,225

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