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May 21, 2021

The Truth about Rejection: Know it isn’t about You.

Many years ago, I had a heart-to-heart conversation with an ex-boyfriend who I felt had blown me off.

We would get really close, and then he would push me away. I always thought his rejection meant I wasn’t good enough for him, but he communicated to me that he didn’t feel worthy of me and my love. He said he always feared I would leave him, so he “rejected” me first in order to protect himself.

I was blown away! Not only did I appreciate his honesty, but all these years I’d carried around the belief of not being “good enough” only to discover he felt the exact same way.

I think this is often the case in relationships when two imperfect people come together with unresolved childhood wounds and don’t speak candidly about their true feelings—oftentimes because it is too painful or difficult to even admit to ourselves, let alone others.

It was more difficult to see at the time, but with practice, I am now able to look back at jobs I didn’t get and men who never called again and see how perfect it all has been—because much more appropriate opportunities, experiences, and people have come into my life as a result.

When I hear “no” now, I get excited because I know a much more suitable “yes” is right around the corner.

I no longer subscribe to the notion that an opportunity was unfairly taken away from me or is being withheld. I choose to believe that potential heartaches and roadblocks are being removed from my path when I avoid a wrong situation.

My life has shifted dramatically since I stopped taking rejection personally. I’ve given up the constant obsession of “What did I do wrong?” The truth is, there is nothing wrong with us. Sometimes someone or something is simply not a good fit, that’s all.

I’ve decided it isn’t my job to analyze why I was rejected, but it is my responsibility to remind myself of my inherent worthiness—to recognize and lead with my strengths.

If you’re struggling with rejection and feeling out of alignment, allow yourself to feel this way completely. In other words, don’t self-medicate with food, alcohol, shopping, mindless TV, or social media scrolling.

It is vital that we fully recognize our pain; otherwise, it will just resurface later with a vengeance. When we raise our vibration—we’re more in tune, elevated, have higher energy—we raise the vibration of the world. And the world could certainly use our radiance right now.

Give yourself sufficient time to work through whatever negative emotions come up, then start the journey back to gratitude with a breathwork exercise.

I learned about the power of focusing on our breath in my meditation practice and Reiki master certification training. Breathing and delivering oxygen into our bloodstream while removing carbon dioxide is a vital part of life. Focusing on our breath forces us to slow down and, in turn, breathe more deeply.

Try this quick breathwork exercise to connect to your power, your truth, and your spirit.

1. Find a comfortable place to sit. Welcome your journey into the present. Tell your muscles to let go and relax. Close your eyes and place your hands on your heart. Breathe slowly and deeply into your heart. Let your breath carry you deeper into yourself. The more relaxed you become, the more powerful your experience will be. Focus on the strength and beauty of your breath and your heart. Feel appreciation.

2. Now, think of the situation that is causing you pain, suffering, frustration, or grief—something you wish to change. Be specific. Whatever comes up for you is perfect.

3. Keep breathing into your heart. Feel it become full and heavy and ripe with love. Allow its light to shine out into the world. As the light shines from your heart in every direction, listen carefully to it. What guidance is it giving you? If you’re having difficulty tuning in, shift into observation mode and simply notice what images, messages, textures, or colors are making their way to you.

4. With your mind relaxed and eyes still closed, breathe deeper into your heart and ask it to connect to the power of your spirit. Allow each cleansing breath to center you into your inner wisdom, relaxing you to your core. You are now deep in your spirit. Keep breathing while you allow the truth to sink into all parts of your being.

5. Fill in the blanks for the phrases below. Take as long as you need. There are no right or wrong answers. The important thing is to simply let yourself feel and be open to the truth pouring from your spirit.

In this moment, the truth is…
I trust that…
I’m free from…
I’m ready for…
All I need to do is…

* This is an excerpt from the book The Full Spirit Workout. Copyright ©2021 by Kate Eckman. Printed with permission from New World Library.

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