I’ve been feeling sort of tense lately.
But at the same time, I can’t seem to sit still. I feel distracted and unable to focus. The astrology lover in me wants to believe it’s the full moon, but I can’t blame her for everything. Ironically, the only place I’ve been able to sit still has been during my seated meditation practice. I’m usually great at taking my practice off the cushion—that’s why we practice, right? So, what’s going on?
Of course, I know, there could be many different variables that come into play here.
Maybe I’m not getting enough sleep.
Maybe I’m looking at my phone too much.
Maybe I need to eat more…or less.
Maybe I have too much going on in my mind.
Or…maybe I just need to have an orgasm.
It’s been a minute since I’ve laid with myself—I’m not exactly sure why. When I was younger, I used to rely on having a partner to get intimate. But even then, I would rarely have an orgasm. It took me five years of having sex until I had my first orgasm. I was so young; I didn’t even know what an orgasm was, really. What I understood was that hetero-sex meant penetration until the man ejaculates.
Five years, ya’ll. Five years of allowing that sh*t to happen.
When I had my first orgasm, it wasn’t with a partner, and actually, it was entirely unintentional. My pillow was nestled so perfectly in between my legs, and suddenly, it just happened. My whole world got rocked.
All those years of clitoral neglect—I couldn’t believe it.
Why didn’t anyone tell me about this? Why was I allowing men to have sex with me until they were done?
My mind was flooded with, “What the hells,” and, “What the f*cks.”
The female orgasm is not talked about enough. And I don’t blame the men I was having sex with—they clearly didn’t know anything about the female orgasm, either. I mean, I am a woman with a vagina and I didn’t even know how it worked. And it took accidentally humping my pillow to figure it out.
It makes me wonder how many humans with vaginas aren’t experiencing the orgasmic ecstasy they deserve to feel (side note: some men and non-binary folks have vaginas, too).
But just like everything in life, it takes practice to get good at something (or to just figure out how something works).
I understand it can be hard to find the motivation to get intimate with ourselves, but the more we practice, the easier it’ll become to reap the benefits.
And that is why I’ve come up with this list of six reasons why we should all have a pleasure practice:
1. Having a pleasure practice allows us to connect more deeply with our bodies.
Before I had my first orgasm, I must have been so disconnected from my body. I mean, I had literally no idea what my body was capable of. Taking the time to set up a sweet, sacred space where we can feel into the little intricacies of our bodies creates space for deep self-loving. The more we can learn and get comfortable with making love to ourselves, the more compassion we will cultivate for our incredible bodies.
2. Having a pleasure practice allows us to tap into our imagination.
Now, this part is important: I understand many people like to use porn to get themselves going, but I highly encourage turning off the screen, closing down the outer eyes, and getting creative. No porn video could replicate every detail of our unique kinks, but good news: our minds can.
Tapping into our imagination during masturbation is highly beneficial: it inspires and strengthens our creativity, it improves memory, it enhances our ability to problem solve, and we get to have an orgasm…so many wins!
3. Having a pleasure practice is just like doing yoga.
Yoga is a moving meditation. Yoga is an opportunity for us to quiet down our minds, and drop into the sensations of our bodies. This is exactly what we’re doing when we’re pleasuring ourselves. We’re taking the time to connect to our bodies, focus on our breathing, and feel into the juicy sensations we’re creating.
4. Having a pleasure practice makes sex with a partner better.
When we make the space to get to know ourselves and discover exactly what we like, it makes sex with a partner so much more enjoyable (and a lot easier). How could we expect our partners to pleasure us correctly if we don’t even know how to pleasure ourselves?
5. Having a pleasure practice releases stress.
I think we can all agree that the more stress relief we can get, the better. When we engage in masturbation, we are usually too focused on what we’re feeling to think about anything else. Masturbating gives us the space to let go of whatever is stressing us out—we deserve to have some relief, even if it’s only for a moment.
6. Having a pleasure practice feels damn good.
Who doesn’t like to feel good? Having an orgasm releases all those feel-good happy hormones many of us crave, so why not use this practice to get a little taste?