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July 29, 2021

F*ck Your Coaching Package.

And now, there’s a thoughtful rebuttal.

We have all seen the Facebook posts.

They usually start off with a well-crafted subject header to draw you in.

THE HEADER IS IN CAPITAL LETTERS SO YOU KNOW IT’S SERIOUS.

The post comes attached with a nicely edited photo of the person looking deep into your eyes, usually surrounded by beautiful nature…suggesting a care-free, happy lifestyle that’s highlighted even more by the increased color saturation.

Throw in a hint of “sexy” and the post will be golden.

Sit back and get ready for the “Likes” to roll in!

The first paragraph hooks you in, exactly as it is designed to.

Then you click on “Read More” and see that there is a lot more depth to this post. Wow!

This person really poured their heart out in this share. As you are reading it, perhaps you are feeling closer to them as a human being. Perhaps you can relate to their pain and feel inspired by the courage it took to tell their story. But then we all know how this kind of post ends:

“DM me if you are feeling the inner call. Only 2 spots left in my program!”

And it’s usually around then that I feel duped that I just read a long sales pitch disguised under vulnerability porn.

Well, thank you inexperienced white person under 40 who got a life coach certification online and now wants to profit from a glorified pyramid scheme. However, I can learn everything you are regurgitating without paying thousands of dollars to fund your lazy lifestyle through emotionally manipulative marketing tactics.

No seriously.

Thank you for sharing your “struggle story” with the world, but can we just leave it at that?

Your ego is already getting the external validation that it’s seeking by constantly processing your trauma publicly, but do you also need to profit off it as well by selling false hope to the desperate? Let’s be honest. You’re full of it, full of yourself, and we can smell your sales pitch from a mile away.

This formula we’re seeing left and right is getting played out, which is why I now feel the need to say this:

F*ck your coaching program.

The impact that this self-pedestaling has on those who can see it clearly is that it often pushes others away. Just like these health product pyramid schemes, you can’t even engage with these “sales pitch zombies” without them eventually talking about their offering nonstop. Every aspect of their social media existence is one big sales funnel.

The essence of that person is now just another commodity for sale, like everything else in the world. They see other people as potential customers instead of actual friends. They see every Facebook post that they craft as a hook, and they desperately want to be perceived as thought-leaders, so much so that you never get to actually know them as a person—even with all that vulnerability. It just feels so performative.

What if they’re actually as wounded as the people they’re trying to teach, but just narcissistic enough to believe that they’re not? As a public leader, you will either be demonized or pedestaled, and either one isn’t a real reflection of who you actually are.

Now I understand that people are trying to survive financially during this challenging year. We see this with a record number of coaching programs and OnlyFan pages that have come out. Respect. People can do whatever they need to do to make money and I won’t knock that aspect. However, people are also entitled to have an opinion on some of these approaches. If anything, to fine-tune them. Because some strategies will have an impact on your life and those around you in a different kind of way than others, and not all offerings are built equally. Some offerings are inauthentic and simply ego and profit driven.

As a highly traumatized person myself, it’s frustrating to see how many of these trainings and workshops exclusively target and profit off other people’s trauma and do so in a very irresponsible way with little to no actual training by the facilitators. This is not to say that everybody who has a psychology degree is gifted in holding space and that those who do not, aren’t. But it is to say that there is value in people first investing and committing to understanding and mastering something before prematurely jumping into trying to profit off it, especially when the offering is built around healing deep-rooted trauma.

Coaches typically profit off coaching other people in how to recruit and coach other people so they can recruit and coach other people. If that’s not a pyramid, then I’m not Middle Eastern.

Stop hustling people and pretending that you’re not.

We know when you are “celebrating your coaching program being SOLD OUT” that you are completely lying—in order to build hype for your next package.

We know that when you only have “limited spots” left, that you are putting on a facade to get people to panic purchase.

You likely spent money to learn the exact thing you are now pitching, and you are just repeating what your hustler of a mentor taught you. It’s the same formula over and over again.

The eight steps to building wealth:

1. Post vulnerable content with sexy photos in exotic places.

2. Share your “origin story” of how you used to struggle, followed by your breakthrough moment— in order to place a psychological anchor inside the minds of your potential customers. Make them relate to your struggle so they can have false hope in replicating your so-called success. Perhaps if you went through similar challenges as them, and you still became successful and are now making 10,000 dollars a month…then they can too! (But of course, you can only make that if you can convince 10 suckers to pay you a 1,000 dollars every month, or better yet, one trust fund baby to pay you 10,000 dollars.) Hey, ain’t no shame in your game honey!

3. Hype up your upcoming “free” webinar (aka a one-hour long upsell advertisement) that promises to show others how to achieve financial freedom!

4. Capitalize off of people’s emotions and hopes of a better life.

Make sure you brag about how much money you made, even if you’re completely making it up. (It’s not like they can check your bank account anyway.)

5. Make sure you include a “list” somewhere in your post and make sure the numbers on that list start with fun colorful emojis. You know…marketing psychology and what not.

6. Make a Limited Time offer.

Pretend that you are giving a huge discount (when you really just made up the high price tag in order to make it look like you are giving a huge discount).

We both know that you’re going to freak out with joy when somebody actually pays you that amount with a subtle hint of disbelief. What a nice way to counter those feelings of insecurity you harbor. Make sure to repeat mantras of your “self-worth” when you got a new client instead of admitting to yourself that you’re an adorable little hustler. Besides, with this extra 1,000 dollars, you could stay in Bali for another month or two…until you find the next person online who thinks you’re a better human being than you actually are and invests in your illusion.

7. Give a bunch of free and discounted tickets away so it doesn’t look like your program completely bombed in the eyes of the few people who got duped into actually paying for it. In exchange for these free tickets, make sure the people give you testimonials, so you can have quotes and photos, which you can then use to upsell to others in the future.

8. Brag on social media how you SOLD OUT and how you can’t wait for the next one!

Brag about picking up new clients. These tactics will make you look busier than you are and will hopefully get people to want to work with you. Keep the delusion going! And then teach them how to do all of the above, but only if they upgrade to the six-month VIP training course.

(Grabs vomit bucket.)

So how do you know who to work with?

Find out if the coach was properly trained, educated, and successful in their field for starters. Were they able to build a career without having to sell coaching packages to do so? If somebody is a business coach, ask them how many businesses they built and how successful they were. Coaches who have succeeded in their fields to the point that it was a career for them are in a better position to teach others transferable skills and proven strategies that are based on real-world value and practical application.

I can’t tell you how many “business coaches” I’ve seen that have never built an actual business. They’ve read a few books, went to a Tony Robbins training, and perhaps they themselves got duped into a “coaching training” package in the past as well. But wow. It sure takes a certain level of narcissism to position yourself way above your actual life experience, and to have the audacity to sell your lies and false image to others.

“Look at me! Look at me world!”

Get over yourself and deal with the fact that your past actions of seeking the easy way out have been the cause of so much of your life failures—to the point that you have to sell yourself out on the Internet hoping to make money by promoting a made-up version of yourself to those who are just as lost as you are. Get your own house in order before trying to help others, you fellow codependent you.

To put it bluntly, many people who sell coaching packages are oftentimes whoring out their own trauma—in order to emotionally manipulate other people’s trauma, to convince them to shell over their money, in order to learn literally the most basic sh*t ever. Maybe the conscious folks are actually the baby souls of this world?

Most of the time what these people who buy these packages actually need in order to be successful is simply accountability, and to change the type of people they surround themselves with.

Now let me be clear. This isn’t an attack on all coaches. In all fairness, I can think of a few who have legitimately put in their work for decades, got trauma-informed training, and have some amazing offerings that they are highly qualified to teach. If this is you, then you probably won’t get offended by this article. Heck, you may even be able to relate to it more since you see the coaching world being flooded by those trying to replicate your success—without putting in the blood, sweat, and tears that you have.

But great coaches who are worth it are far and few in between in this oversaturated market where people are trying to find an easy way to make money without putting in the hard work of building an actual career.

I can have a bit more space for business coaching or skills training than I do for these emotionally manipulative workshops, packages, and retreats that hype you up with big promises.

Facilitators should not turn other people’s trauma into a commodity to profit off of when they literally have zero training in trauma-informed care.

Outside of the New Cage community—which lies, manipulates, and hustles just as much as any other—there are tons of actual business communities, support groups, meetups, business courses, and trainings. There are currently over 20 million “millionaires” in the United States, and I would bet that over 99 percent of them got there without buying into any of these scams. (And for the record, 80 percent of them are self-made.)

I can assure you that it’s not because they all rubbed money all over their bodies while chanting mantras. I mean, have you even seen the rich people of this world? They don’t exactly strike me as tantra-masters who just “made love to money” in order to become wealthy.

It’s because they hustled, thought long-term, and didn’t constantly chase what made them feel good in the moment like dopamine addicts. It’s because they were committed, loyal to their vision, and didn’t have to use and promote a false image to be powerful. They just acted powerfully instead.

They didn’t have to constantly tell the world that they’re a King, Queen, Priestess, or Goddess. They were just a human who was grounded and intrinsically motivated to succeed. Of course, many had privilege and good fortune go their way, but there is literally zero evidence or correlation between these self-delusional spiritual money practices and actually becoming wealthy. And if there is, it’s probably a negative correlation if anything.

But of course, all of this is still based on money being used to define success, which our community claims to be against, yet does so quite often.

So let’s stop pretending that we’re against capitalism and exploitation while simultaneously attempting to profit from both those things. Let me be honest with you (as somebody who has made money while traveling the world without having to sell coaching packages and instead contributed real-world skills). A lot of these digital nomads that you look up to who are pretending to be wealthy and living a good life are really just lying and exploiting poor people all around the world in order to live like that.

They make U.S. dollars and then go to impoverished places in the world where you can take advantage of the price competitiveness that extreme poverty brings. Many of them pay zero respect to the local culture and take these exotic photos of themselves “living the dream life”—when they’re really broke and just hoping they don’t have to ask their wealthy parents for money again.

Many of these people who are pitching themselves nonstop on social media are straight-up lying to you. It’s all one big gaslighting joke.

“The sex/relationship coach” who literally can’t maintain a single long-term relationship but can definitely train you on manifesting your soulmate…all for a price, of course.

While we talk a lot about people who are afraid to step into their full power and suffer from imposter syndrome, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t people who are actually just imposters. Many of them are too full of themselves to ever have imposter syndrome, but it probably would benefit them to do so.

There’s a general rule in business that you need to have 10,000 hours in before achieving mastery, so unless you sat with people for 10,000 hours and got trained on dealing with trauma, it is highly irresponsible to emotionally manipulate people and sell them these packages based on healing their trauma, especially when you haven’t healed yours.

As a facilitator, it is deep, sacred work that is being done and you have the potential to re-traumatize people without even knowing it—especially with these cut, copy, paste offerings. Stop rushing to position yourself as an expert when you’re not. Be honest enough to ask yourself if your motivation is financial wealth, public notoriety, or external validation. It’s okay if it is. I have been motivated by those things myself, but I can assure you that it will never heal the part of you where those needs are coming from.

Yes, we should explore our psychological connection to money and our internal motivation, but using terms like “money-consciousness” tends to victim-blame and completely minimize the impact that oppression, trauma, and poverty has on people. Of course, we can all think of stories of people who have risen out of those situations, but let’s not act like it’s the norm and that it is accessible to everyone.

Even if you do profit by lying to the world, you’ll never be satisfied because the love in your life is based off of being a fraud. I’ve seen many people bite the hook of this temptation and do unethical things to make money (such as the circle gifting scam), all while criticizing CEOs of big companies for being exploitive. It’s easier to attack this behavior from rich, famous people than within ourselves or our own community, but human behavior is the same no matter where you go. There will always be people who operate more from the heart and those who operate more from trauma.

So first, stop giving your money and power away to those who are no better than you are but know how to lie better than you do.

Professional consistent therapy, investing in real-world skills, and changing who you surround yourself with, can all turn your life around more than most coaching programs can. But if you insist, look for people who have a proven track record in the field and please do your research. Not all coaching programs are bad, but most of them are simply not good and are designed more to make the facilitators money than they are to change your life. At the end of the day, you’re the only one who can change your life and surrounding yourself with grounded and motivated people consistently can turn everything around for you.

So, with all that said…

Now that I poured my heart out to you and got vulnerable…I must ask.

Do you also want to be able to write call-out viral articles like me, that will guarantee that you get hate-mail in your inbox? I can teach you how for only 5,000 dollars! (That’s a 90 percent discount from my typical 50,000-dollar cost.) But this offer is only good for the next 15 seconds as there are only two spots left.

Oops. Five seconds have already passed and now there is only one spot left!

So, DM me IMMEDIATELY if you are ready to step your life up (which means that if you don’t DM me, you are obviously not ready for wealth-consciousness and will always be broke for the rest of your life).

Never mind. Time’s up (unless you’re going to actually send me the money…then I can open up one more spot for you).

SOLD OUT!

(Not my coaching packages. My morals.)

~

Here is another viewpoint and a response to the above article: Is the Coaching Industry a Scam?—A Response to “F*ck Your Coaching Package.”

 

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