July 1, 2021

How is Your Sex Life during Covid—or truthfully, How has it Always Been?


Imagine you’re having a conversation with me about how your life has changed since this time last year.

We talk about the forces that have impacted you and your loved ones—the pandemic, political upheaval, and all the suffering around you. Then, we take a breath and go deeper.

You confess that working from home alongside your partner has been hard. It feels like you’ve been living on top of each other. You hardly go out, only see friends online, and can’t go to the gym or even a movie theater to unplug.

You’re finding it hard to breathe, and it feels like there is no escape.

How does that affect your sex life?

You say it’s not good. But then, the truth comes out.

It is admitted that sex has never been that good and you never really, truly enjoyed it with your partner—or for that matter, with anyone.

Has experiencing COVID-19 pushed to the surface all the underlying issues we’ve had about sex that we haven’t wanted to look at?

Before, there were a million ways we could get away from this fissure in our relationships; now it’s staring us in the face. We’ve been stuck with ourselves, and our partners, for over a year—and there is no getting around it.

Have you gotten to the point where it’s more uncomfortable to deny there is a problem than it is to finally confess there is one?

Have you come to the realization you have to do something, or your relationship may fall apart?

The good news, and the bad news, is that all of our fears, doubts, and insecurity about sex are being brought up so we can finally face them and heal.

But we don’t have to suffer. There is a way out. We can experience sex in a way that’s beyond anything we have ever imagined.

I know, because I’ve been exactly in this place and have come out on the other side.

For the first half of my adult life, I didn’t experience sexual pleasure.

I enjoyed flirting, making out, and what we used to call “foreplay.” But once my partner moved toward penetration, my vagina shut down. No matter what we did, no matter how much lube was used, it was excruciatingly painful.

Doctors diagnosed my condition as vaginismus but had no cure; in other words, I was frigid.

In 2005, as I transitioned through menopause, I took a break from intimate relationships and went on a journey of self-discovery. I explored all kinds of sexual teachings including Tantra, Orgasmic Meditation, Kink, and Self-Pleasuring.

I learned to relax and surrender to the wisdom of my vulva, and she woke up. I mean—she really woke up!

I learned how to circulate orgasmic energy through my whole body and became infused, turned on. I discovered that a woman’s capacity for sexual pleasure is limitless, especially after menopause.

After eight years of celibacy, I entered into a relationship with a man and my whole world changed. My vulva opened like a flower and drew his penis into me.

Today, as a woman in her late 60s, my sexual energy is more vibrant than ever.

Part of my journey was to become trained in sexual healing. I bring that training, and my personal transformation, into my work with couples. I have much compassion and pain in my heart for how partnerships suffer and know it doesn’t have to be this way.

Imagine how it might feel to sit with your partner, feeling comfortable simply holding their hand, not terrified, and turned on—to once again feel attracted to your spouse, completely safe to express your desires, and then, convert all that energy put into avoiding intimacy into joyful connected sexual play?

Many people don’t know how to seek help or don’t know who to reach out to. Others think they are too old or too broken to hope for something better, and they just have to make the best of it.

That was me—until I got help.


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