July 7, 2021

Re-Spark the Erotic: Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships.


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If we enjoy the security and mutual caring in our relationships but miss feeling a hot, erotic charge, we’ve likely prioritized other areas of life. 

We’re burying our erotic sensuality. 

To be turned on again, getting back in our body is key, as is facing the fear of losing control—being open to change.

Prioritizing erotic intimacy means placing value in the connection, aliveness, and nourishment that sexual expression and sensual embodiment bring into our lives—not letting work, worries, domestic responsibilities, and children become sole priorities.

We might avoid dealing with the lack of erotic intimacy because facing it feels like it will threaten the security of our relationship by beckoning changes. And with change comes uncertainty. 

Will I (will we) be able to shift this? If not, what will happen?

If the relationship has shrunk into a sexless, functional friendship, don’t avoid dealing with it. 

Trust the feelings, needs, and desires brewing inside—let them inspire what is desired. 

Are you feeling frustration, fear, grief, numbness? 

Are you ashamed that you’re not feeling sexy or enjoying and having sex? 

Do you want to feel sexy and juicy again?

If we don’t know how we’re feeling—or if we’re thinking about how we feel but aren’t actually feeling it—somatic techniques, like The Non-Linear Movement Method and Somatic Experiencing, can help access and move feelings through our bodies.

Under the right circumstances, our body safely guides us back to what we need to feel, release, and move through in order to return to a sense of empowered freedom and erotic turn-on.

Once we have access to the full range of our true feelings, we’re empowered to begin safely engaging with feelings in a healthy, productive, and creative way. 

They become an essential resource that motivates positive growth and puts an end to ambivalence, avoidance, and stagnant patterns.

Learning to be in our body helps us go from using the external (the way a relationship is playing out or any role we play) as a basis for our security and source of freedom and feeling sexy and sensual again.

Embodiment cultivates a deep sense of security that is sourced from the inside out.

Sex, sensuality, and eros are a reflection of our relationships with ourselves. Embodiment practice is often the missing key that helps us reorient from destructive and codependent patterns—people-pleasing, performative pressure, and perfectionism—to enjoying our erotic aliveness and desire.

Don’t give up on feeling sexy and enjoying the creativity and aliveness that an erotic life brings.

What if we leaned into trusting our authentic desire for erotic intimacy—let go of control—and opened to the positive impact that only changes can bring?

Accessing our empowering internal resources through embodiment is one of the main things that can help us go from being retracted from our sensual, erotic aliveness to potently and securely feeling sexy, alive, relaxed, turned on, and bubbling over with creative inspiration, free expression, and juicy desire. 

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