Do you know that the most expensive liquid on this planet are the tears of a Mother?
Moments like today, are simply difficult.
Today, my Puffy-Cloud would be 35. Thirty-five.
I’ve been told I need to be strong. Would you be strong?
People misinterpret my kindness as weakness. “You know, it’s been 10 years “– “It’s time.”
“Time?!!” – I ask.
Who set the time limit to a Mother’s love?
When your child dies, are you not a Mother anymore???
By whose standards?!?
I will always be a Mother.
I will always be the Keeper of Anita’s memory.
I never asked for this. Once again – Shit happens to good people.
No one asked me if I am ok with this pain.
Do I want this? What do I need?
I NEED – The tender power of holding you Anita, in my arms. Stroking your hair, cuddling you. Discussing world politics until late at night…I miss making pancakes with you. I miss dancing with you to Annie Lennox– Little Bird https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjbNLVQ_Iw
…I believe that there is no exact moment when the healing begins.
Did it begin when Lydia, my younger daughter, persisted I quit smoking? Who quits smoking when their child dies? Who changes their lifestyle and loses 25 kg when your child dies?
Yes, opportunity always lies in the challenge. Ahhh, if I could share with you all my knowledge – it’s a mixed process and there is a special kind of discipline and routine that allows you to still continue after ten years of grief. 10 long years till now… 3653 days…
I can truly say that I mastered it. When life is rough, I get simple.
I understand pain. I have analyzed it. Dissected it.
Ignored it. It ignored me.
Pain and I – have a love-hate relationship.
I ONLY just need to make the choice of loving the happiness of pain, accepting all the stages of grief.
I call my condition: the shades of pain.
This sculpture by AlbertGyorgy is the closest description of my pain. Numb and sad with a pinch of hope. Look at the Sky! The clouds! Oh my, I can sit in front of this photo – forever…feeling sadly calm. It is my Superpower. My Secret.
Happiness with purpose is the only useful goal in life, my tribute to pain will get me there.
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