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August 28, 2021

6 Signs you are a People Pleaser (& How to Hold Good Energetic Boundaries).

 

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Yes. Yes. Yes.  

I’ll lead that meeting! I’ll host the family reunion! I’ll listen to you complain for five hours about all the reasons why you hate your life!

In childhood, I developed a sign on my forehead that says “People Pleaser.” I used to think I was saying yes because that’s what “nice” people do. And, of course, I wanted to be nice and thoughtful. I wanted to be liked.

But energetically, I was shrinking, overcompensating, and telling the universe that I would settle for less than my full worth.

 

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Inside, I was feeling drained and often resentful. I was also feeling stuck in my career. So to help me, the universe brought me three difficult relationships: a confrontational neighbor, an antagonistic family friend, and a really draining co-worker—all so that I could finally learn how to hold good boundaries.  

But how do you know when you’re not standing in your worth?

Here are signs that you are not holding good energetic boundaries:

1. You hold resentment.
2. You feel guilty even though you have not done anything wrong.
3. Your body and your energy constrict when a certain person calls, texts, or comes near you.
4. You constantly hear yourself say, “I should…” and “I have to…”
5. You feel drained—emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
6. You have a hard time connecting to joy.

Okay, so you don’t have good energetic boundaries. Now what?

Here are questions to ask yourself before saying yes to anything:

>> Does saying yes to this light me up?

>> What does my intuition tell me?

>> What am I giving up by saying yes to this? Because if I say yes to this, it means I’m also saying no to something else.  

>> Am I valuing myself less than the wants and needs of this other person?

>> Does saying no to this allow someone else to step up and say yes?

>> What story am I telling myself about saying no to this? And is this story actually true? For example, if I say no to pet sitting my friend’s puppy, does that mean I’m a bad friend? Is this true? Or does saying no to 24-hour around the clock puppy care allow me the time, the space, and the energy to show up as my best self in other parts of my life?

>> When I say no and set good boundaries, do I actually make others feel safe because they know where I stand and can trust me?

By the time my neighbor called me to have one more long drawn out political conversation, I’d had it. I, super kindly, yet firmly, said no. Then when my co-worker texted me at 10 p.m., I decided that I will no longer respond to texts after 7 p.m. And in my evening meditation, I gently cut the energetic cords to our family friend and sent her off with love.  

And the universe, in her infinite grace, showed up for me swiftly and dramatically. All in the same week, my neighbor suddenly moved away, my co-worker retired, and my friend stopped talking to the entire family!

And guess what? All of that extra time, space, and energy allowed me to find my light and finally start a new career helping others find their own light and purpose.  

I’m enjoying the freedom and joy that good energetic boundaries bring to me and my relationships. And I proudly wear the new sign on my forehead that says,

“I am kind. I am worthy. And I love my good boundaries.”

~

 

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