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“If you care for people around you, you must make yourself into a person they enjoy being with.” ~ Sadhguru
I’ve been going over this quote over and over again in my mind.
The moment I read it, I stopped in my tracks.
It urged me to pause, step back, and evaluate if I am truly the kind of person that people around me (the ones I care about) would enjoy. This quote brought to my attention certain patterns and ways: I realized I wasn’t that person.
This made me realize that we are often preoccupied with the way other people are showing up and tell them how they can change. We almost always want other people to fit into a mold that we have designed. When that doesn’t happen, we get into a mindless war with them, trying to turn them into the kind of person we want them to be.
I also realized that we get too busy trying to fit into other people’s mold so we can feel wanted, loved, or accepted.
Both of these approaches are flawed and breed resentment for self and others.
Relationships aren’t about forcing ourselves (or others) to fit into a predesigned mold. Relationships are about making room for self, and before we can make room for anyone else, we need to be welcoming toward our own selves.
We need to become the kind of person that we would enjoy being with.
We need to first care for ourselves and expand those attributes and qualities that make us more comfortable with who we are.
Whether we have close relationships in our lives or not, we will always have one person who is a constant: our own self. We need to be able to care for and enjoy who we are in all our relationships.
The moment we become comfortable with who we are and start enjoying being with our own selves, we are able to expand our sense of joy and extend it to those around us.
Then laughter, fun, joy, friendship, companionship will simply flow like a river.
As Sadhguru says,
“The most beautiful moments in life are the moments when you are expressing your joy, not when you are seeking it.”
That’s where most of us falter.
We think our lives are about “finding” and “seeking,” but life is actually about being present, creating, and expressing.
Instead of running after people and outcomes, we need to learn to sit with ourselves and ask, “How can I create joy for myself in this moment?”
What we are seeking outside from people and situations lies right within us.
Instead of reaching out, we first need to reach within and then let it expand.
“If you choose, you can be joyful every moment of your life. It’s time you made your choice.” ~ Sadhguru