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I see it all the time. The two are always intermingling, like there’s no difference in sight.
Women, who aren’t paying attention, unconsciously pour the two together and cast shadows of doubt and hate on every man who walks past them.
And men, who have a challenging time distinguishing one from the other (and rightfully so), condemn all women for all of their problems and spin the idea that all women hate men.
Neither of these are feasible.
And both are happening rather unconsciously.
What is true and valuable, however, is recognizing and differentiating the Extreme Feminist from the Awakened Woman.
Of course, as always, I can only know the two intimately because I have been in the shoes of each.
And a sincere message for my men—as an awakened woman: I hope I can speak on behalf of all women just like me when I say, “We don’t inherently hate you. It’s the patriarchy we are over.”
In case you need a super quick rundown, the patriarchy is not code for “all men.” No. The patriarchy is the man-made invention that has its roots in misogyny, leadership over women, sexism toward women, and pretty much, all attempts to belittle, shame, suppress, or coerce women.
The list goes on.
So, when we say we want to tear down the patriarchy, we’re not saying: “To hell with fathers and sons!”
We love you guys. You have a solid purpose and design here. What we’re saying is: “To hell with the system that is detrimental to women and men.”
We need something more all-inclusive.
More balanced. More realistic. More honest, authentic, accessible, and applicable for men and women of all types. And I have a hunch that’s where we are going on a collective level. A great deal of that comes down to determining how we can each do our part to ensure a better future for us all.
And while the extreme feminist might blame all men, and the awakened women might offer a more tender and softer-around-the-edges approach, there is a layer of truth ringing in both.
Even the act of being a man in our world today is an inherent instillation of all cellular promptings that have stemmed from the patriarchy. In other words, it is in your bones. It is in your DNA. It is in your past lives. Your soul signatures. It is in your cosmological and biological blueprint.
Each and every man has within them the seed that planted the patriarchy, no matter how conscious he is of it or not.
This means, that as a man nowadays—that is if you do wish for a more all-inclusive, balanced, and healthy future for both men and women and all genders—it is your duty to actively denounce the ancient indoctrination within you.
What does that look like?
It’s as simple as recognizing how the patriarchy is still alive in you until this moment. Where do you see it in your message, your words, your behavior, your core beliefs, and your patterns that you have a feeling of superiority and dominance toward women?
Where in your life do you feel controlling toward and having power over women? Are there parts of you that truly feel and believe that you are more advanced, more skilled, more educated, and more worthy of evolution?
I don’t ask as a competitor. I am only imploring you to see whether or not you have any modern-day patriarchy living in you, right here and now.
And yes, I get it. Things aren’t quite like they used to be. It’s not 1920. Women can vote. Women can work. But still, the patriarchy is alive today.
Understanding the history, the cosmology, the biology of this pattern helps us clearly distinguish between the extreme feminist and the awakened woman.
We know what the extreme feminist feels like. She has pins with the gravestones of men needled into her jean jacket. She is riddled with hatred and blame. She is spinning out of control.
And while her work is valuable, it is important to dig a little deeper into the fine lines, the crevices, the shadows, and the space in between. It is important that we are discerning and diligent in our language. It’s crucial that we are covering all ball fields, touching the core, getting to the roots, and appointing responsibility where it is due.
While the extreme feminist would immediately point fingers at men, the awakened woman would take the time to break down the systems that he is acting upon and lovingly hold him accountable.
The awakened woman isn’t looking to blame. She isn’t looking to point fingers, to seek revenge, or to belittle a man simply for being a man. Her significance lies in holding the male counterparts responsible, gently pointing out where he is spinning that patriarchal cycle, and encouraging him to actively undo the patriarchy within him.
She is seeking his healing.
She isn’t undoing the man. She is undoing the detriments of the patriarchy.
She knows because she has undone it within herself.
She has called into her field her lost soul parts, integrated her traumas, and healed her wounds. She has done her part of showing up to her plate, doing her work, and reclaiming her power in all of the ways that she knows how.
She knows what it means to be responsible, acknowledge where an old, toxic pattern is circling within her, and take the time to actively undo it. She knows how to unravel, untangle, dismantle, and ultimately denounce what truly needs to go.
She knows what it means to take accountability for her faults. She knows how to offer constructive criticism because she knows how to take it herself.
She doesn’t run from her stuff. She doesn’t blame the world for her problems. She doesn’t put her worth somewhere in the hands of anything but her own innate knowledge and soul.
Therefore, she isn’t going to treat men in that way either.
But here’s where it gets tricky.
She is not in it to enable men whatsoever.
The awakened woman is not going to take any crap. The moment she sees a man playing out the patriarchy and actively embodying the abuse, coercion, control, and power plays, her voice f*cking roars.
With love, of course.
She will honorably and quite beautifully (with a little force if need be) show a man where he is perpetuating the outdated paradigm. She will show him exactly what he is doing and redirect his behavior to something more loving.
And this makes all the difference.
In times of trouble, the extreme feminist will not only feed the blame and guilt-trip the men, but she will not take responsibility herself.
The extreme feminist has a subconscious belief that she is owed something by men. She believes that their role in the world is to fill women’s empty spaces and that her worth or value still, somehow, depends on whether a man responds to her or not.
And if men can’t do that, then to hell with them.
Otherwise, why would she spin out in retaliation rather than implementing an opportunity for growth?
And in her perpetual toxicity, when she returns home, her message to herself and other women is: “I’m powerful. I’m resilient. I can deal with the triggers.”
She is forever mad. Rightfully so.
The extreme feminist will say something along the lines of: “At the end of the day, it doesn’t even matter what men do. It only matters how I respond, how I feel, whether or not I have the ability to still be powerful, to bounce back, and be strong. No matter how he shows up.”
In that lies a vulnerability wishing to get out and cry. There lies a high level of energy that wishes to sit down and rest, a warrior who wants to give up the fight, a woman who ultimately doesn’t want to put up the shields and “just be strong through it all” anymore.
There is a woman within that extreme feminist screaming at herself: “Please, take a different approach. And while you’re at it, start paying attention and taking care of yourself.”
I truly think that within the extreme feminist resides the awakened woman, looking to blossom forth.
Meanwhile, the awakened woman would say: “Yes, I’m powerful, but his actions still matter. So, we have to hold him accountable. Yes, I’m resilient, but I shouldn’t have to be. That’s just my coping mechanism for dealing with it all. Maybe I can bounce back, but that doesn’t actually stop the perpetuation. What gets to the root, to the core—is transparently and bravely having the discussions we need to have with men. We have to show them where they hurt us. We have to show them why they are responsible. We have to show them what we are seeking to undo, so that we can truly live more in harmony.”
Because she believes he is capable of overcoming the perpetual dilemmas.
The extreme feminist will continuously tell herself that she can ‘maintain her vibration,’ while passively aggressively blaming men.
The awakened woman will rise up and say: “When we don’t bring it to their attention, we don’t teach them anything. When we keep making it about how we handle the abuse, we don’t actually get rid of it. When we keep making it about our ability to be immune to the triggers, we are in fact enabling those men. We are tolerating those detrimental behaviors and gaslighting ourselves. And that doesn’t create any sustainable change.”
The awakened woman reaches the core. She arouses, stimulates, and ultimately keeps focus on the deep, inherent truth. She knows that just because she can make it about her response and her ability to maintain integrity, it doesn’t mean she has to.
She knows that the most beneficial thing is not to breathe through the triggers. No. The brave and downright common-sense act of drawing boundaries lies in completely walking away from the systems that are constantly triggering and damaging.
The awakened woman knows when she has done all she can do.
She knows that instead of taking responsibility for it all, she can lovingly draw the line and place accountability where it is due.
She knows that the act of self-love is to carry on and only engage with those who are actively undoing the spell.
The awakened woman knows herself. She is steadfast deep in her fiery, multifaceted, cosmic, wild, primal, integrated, powerful, and holy self.
She draws lines in the sand, does her own work, is radically authentic toward herself and others, and never overcompensates for the sake of making peace. She is in it for everybody’s evolution.
And for the men who are responsive, they won’t be offended by the awakened woman.
They will start being responsible and stand in solidarity with her as they seek to dismantle and eventually denounce the damage that has been done to women, once and for all.