I don’t believe in coincidence. Never have.
I believe things happen for a reason.
Some days it’s seeing repetitive number sequences and other days, it may be having a dream than receiving a phone call from that person. The frequency of our energy forever ebbing and flowing into the universe.
Sometimes the universe wants to send us a message—a sign. It’s being aware enough to see the signs and then looking within to find the meaning of those signs. I see little signs every day and they give me confidence and comfort that I’m on the right path.
Today something happened that ruffled my calm demeanour. I’m still trying to understand why.
I was busy and had a lot of urgent things pop up at work, my usual early afternoon beach walk being delayed due to these deadlines. I dressed in my training gear and was about to walk out the door when another urgent task needed my attention. Sitting down, I actioned that and thought about giving my walk a miss but decided it would be good to clear my head.
Headphones on and starting to get into my rhythm, I made my way up to the headland. The sun was bright, as a car turned the bend coming toward me. I would know that face anywhere.
He was not wearing sunglasses so he was squinting in the sun. It seemed like he was looking at me but he drove on by. I didn’t turn around, I just kept walking.
It’s been about 18 months since I’ve seen him and several months since he last messaged. And in that moment, I was brought to my knees.
I kept walking, of course, trying to regain my composure. I had questions running at ridiculous speed through my head. Why was he driving in an area I always walk? If he saw me why didn’t he say hello, or at the very least wave? Why didn’t I wave? Why today with the new moon in Virgo? Perhaps a time to let go of those final pieces?
Why did we collide at that exact moment in time?
It happened a few times after we ended things, where we would be at the same place and bang into each other. I remember commenting to him “Why does the universe keeping doing this?”
By the time I got onto the sand, took my shoes off, and let the crisp ocean waves hit my feet and ankles, I had started to calm myself. But I had to ask myself why I felt so triggered? Why the sight of him affected me in this way, given I have moved on with my life and I am happy.
Yet the briefest encounter of his squinting eyes and familiar face transported me to a place I really did not want to revisit.
But maybe that was the reason our paths crossed—so I can dig deep, one final time and gently and lovingly caress that last little wound, the one that still bleeds ever so slightly, every now and again. The one I thought had healed but still stings and weeps a bit.
I know a bandaid won’t fix this one. It has had time, but perhaps it needs some more. It needs a full disconnection of energy and some tender inner work.
The sun was setting and the glow across the water was so beautiful. All the footprints in the sand in front of me, and all the footprints behind me reminded me once again, that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. Not in front, not behind, but just where I am. The waves reminding me of him because of his deep love of the surf, but also because our relationship was like those waves. Natural, breathtaking, thrilling, inspiring, unbalanced, and uncertain.
Whilst we’re riding high on those waves it’s incredible, but when we’re dumped beneath, tumbling, gasping for breath, and in complete darkness, it can be terrifying.
I saw him. I don’t know why I saw him at that precise moment. I don’t know why he was there and I can never be certain as to the universe’s message. But it was not a coincidence; it never is. And whatever emotion I felt, I’ve sat in it. I’ve let it wash over me all afternoon and evening and I accept what I feel.
Walking home, I reflected on the number of times I had seen that exact facial expression—that one he had as he drove around the corner today. And it’s not without a few tears and a few deep breaths. Because the truth is I knew every inch of him so well, until I didn’t. But I no longer need to and that’s okay.
Today the universe showed me a sign—a truth, so as I can continue on my path. Following my own dreams—if only I have the courage to hear her and really listen to what she is trying to tell me.
It wasn’t a coincidence I saw him today. We were meant to briefly slide past each other. It was a sign, and I am listening.