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December 16, 2021

Why we Need to Stop Looking for our Twin Flame.


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I have always wanted to write this piece, ever since I came across the term “twin flames.”

Which I’m sure most of you are familiar with.

For years, articles about twin flames have been popping up on my social media feed, and being the inquisitive person that I am, I’ve read lots of them.

And let me tell you…it was like rubbing salt on the wound.

I personally don’t believe in the concept of twin flames or soul mates or whatever, but that’s only my opinion, right? And I am not here to attack or criticize those who do—God forbid.

But there is something about those articles that really provoked me. Not to mention the questions that people ask concerning this topic and the answers that come along with it from the “so-called experts.”

“When will my twin flame come back?”

“Should I keep chasing my twin flame?”

“My twin flame got married. What do I do?”

There are actually some people who cheat on their partners, claiming that they have found their twin flame. What kind of excuse is that?

Such destructive thoughts are preventing people from moving on, giving them false hope, and sometimes, keeping them stuck in a cycle of abuse, or holding on to toxic relationships.

Twin flames are allegedly one soul split into two bodies, and it is sometimes called a “mirror soul.”

The idea is nice, isn’t it? To think that we have found our “other half.” Now even after the relationship ends, we won’t be able to let go of the fanciful thinking of once having a deep, intense connection on a soul level, and once-in-a-lifetime experience with that one-of-a-kind person—see where I’m going?

What is even more interesting are the signs and stages of a twin flame connection that they discuss.

I will go through some arguments and try to make sense out of each:

1. The runner and the chaser.

According to the “experts,” there is always someone who walks away and the other pursues; it is supposed to be a part of the twin flame relationship.

This is by far the most absurd thing I have ever heard. So, now, let us name every person who dumps us a “twin flame,” and we keep chasing after them until we lose what’s left of our self-esteem.

There is nothing wrong with trying to fix a relationship if you were happy together. If you think it’s worth it, then go ahead. But once the person makes it clear that they don’t want to be part of your life, then leave them alone. You’d be doing yourself a favor.

2. On-and-off type of relationship.

Here they go, encouraging one of the most toxic types of relationships, the “on and off,” claiming that it’s one of the signs that you’re with your twin flame. Of course, conflicts arise in every relationship—that’s normal. But what’s not normal is having to go through heartbreak with the same person over and over again.

If you find yourself giving way too many chances, just walk away and accept the fact that it won’t work; the sooner you leave the better because it might take years to heal from such relationships.

3. The relationship is tense and challenging.

This is because, as they claim, the purpose of the twin flame relationship is to help us grow spiritually. I agree that we do develop when we are faced with challenges, whether in relationships or not. But do we really want to stay in a tense relationship only because we think the “other” is our twin flame? I would say, once you sense a sign of struggle, run.

We deserve relationships that bring us peace.

Those were the most common and harmful issues I found in these articles. But let us not forget the other partial truths they discussed that are relevant in the context of relationships. For example, “a strange sense of recognition when you first meet your twin flame,” “intense magnetic attraction,” “sharing the same values,” “your twin flame doesn’t try to change you,” or “you can be truthful with each other about anything,” and so on.

We can feel the sense of recognition and the magnetic attraction with a lot of people. Instant attraction happens all the time. Such an experience is fairly common. Therefore, it doesn’t follow that the other you’re attracted to is your twin flame.

In a healthy relationship, sharing the same values, being truthful with each other, and not trying to change each other are extremely important aspects. And these values can be cultivated by the shared experience with the partners over time. That’s what you should be looking for in a mate to work together harmoniously.

You don’t have to be seeking a twin flame, only the right match.

The point is that those fantasies and magical thinking will do us more harm than good, and holding on to those beliefs will only slow down the healing process after a breakup.

Believing in the twin flame viewpoint reduces our capacity to find new ways to strengthen our relationships and explore new possibilities that would eventually lead to potentially more compatible partners.

In the end, remember that instead of searching for the signs of a twin flame, let us learn to look for red flags; we will be saving ourselves a heartbreak.

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