January 19, 2022

This is Why we People Please.

We don’t people please out of selflessness



Or goodwill.

We lie to ourselves when we say that it hurts us more to hurt others

Than to deny ourselves.

That’s a lie.

A subtle, cunning, deceptive act of



An act of unconscious manipulation.

There’s a self-serving reason

For why we want others to be happy

And pleased.

We want to make others happy and pleased,

So they’re happy and pleased—

With us.

So they like us.

Accept us.

Appreciate us.

Won’t judge, reject, abandon,

Or leave


The deepest truth of people pleasing lies

In understanding

That we don’t do it to be kind,

But rather to have some felt need within us met.

It’s a distorted, deceptive, delusive


To feel safe and secure.

This doesn’t mean we’re bad

Or that it stems from malice.


It’s a misguided act

That is deeply rooted

In pain

And fear.

But in seeking to not be discarded,

We discard ourselves.

This is a truth that is hard to digest.

Painful to feel

And understand.

But it must be deeply felt

And understood.

We can never do good by anyone in this world

By denying

Or being untrue to ourselves.

This understanding is an evolving unfolding.

A deeply conditioned,

Unconscious pattern

That takes time to unravel

And unfurl.

It takes kindness,


And self-compassion.

A radical willingness to be honest


And listen.

It’s painful to see all the ways we unknowingly

Denied and abandoned ourselves.

But we need to see it

Feel it

And understand it.

This behavior is rooted

In pain and fear.

It’s a misguided attempt

To have some need of ours met.

It’s a deluded



Because through the perpetuation

Of this action

We further disintegrate

Our relationship with ourselves—

And others.

This must be understood.

We have to be true to ourselves.

The best thing we can do, always,

Is to be true to ourselves.


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