Let’s face it: dating apps can easily turn you off from dating.
If you’ve spent any time on them, you know what I mean.
Constant swiping, being left on read, matches disappearing for no reason, and the feeling of dread anytime you open them is real on dating apps.
And on top of that, you constantly hear someone say, “But I met my husband on there; it works! You just have to keep looking.” (Insert eye roll.)
When I was in the thick of my dating journey, that was the last thing I wanted to hear.
If everyone was having luck with meeting someone incredible, why wasn’t it working for me?
If you are sitting there nodding your head, I feel you. Dating app burnout is real.
And it may even lead you to being two seconds away from throwing your phone out of the window and giving up completely.
Don’t do it just yet! I’m here to tell you how to actually make dating apps work for you and how to avoid being burnt out.
In fact, it’s what I help all my private clients do. Because the truth is that dating apps can absolutely work (and yes, I am one of those people who made it successfully.)
But it wasn’t without some trial and error and (more than a few) times of me giving up on them then restarting.
The thing that made everything finally click for me was that I had to make the dating apps work for me, not the other way around. And this is especially true for any woman who is highly sensitive or suffering from anxiety.
I’ve lived my entire life with both, and dating was exhausting and frustrating when I first started. I’ve now made it my life’s mission to make sure no other woman feels this way. That every woman who desires love can make it happen.
I know that’s why you’re reading this. You know deep down that you do want love. You are tired of saying that you’re happy on your own, or that you are just “having fun” and seeing what happens with dating. I know that you are tired of seeing other women post about their engagement on social media, or hearing your friend talk about how amazingly their man treats them.
Well, it’s time to get out of your own way and admit that you do want love because it makes life that much more meaningful. Having a fulfilling connection with a committed partner is really what life is about.
So picture this instead: waking up and having an inbox full of messages from quality men wanting to take you out, or being excited when you open a dating app, curious whose profile will pop up today. What about feeling confident before you head out on a date, knowing that whatever happens you’ll be okay?
I promise it can happen for you!
Let’s breakdown the three crucial steps to avoid dating app burnout and how to make them work for you:
1. Set your boundaries.
As with anything that requires our attention in life, boundaries are crucial with dating apps. In fact, this goes for all technology. We are in an age where we constantly feel “on.”
If you feel like you need to constantly be swiping or checking the app, this will quickly lead to burnout. Your precious energy is being drained faster than you can swipe right.
The number one thing I always tell my clients is that they need to honor their energy cycle when it comes to dating apps.
Look, the apps are not going anywhere. The right matches aren’t going anywhere. So stop feeling pressured to constantly be on them. If opening a dating app is the last thing you want to do after work, then don’t do it! Instead, wait until you get that feeling of curiosity back. (If the curiosity is not even there, you aren’t ready to date.)
So decide what boundaries look like for you. Maybe you only want to check for 20 minutes a day, or only look on weekends. Whatever feels manageable to you, start there.
The best time to use a dating app is when you feel calm, clear, and curious. If you’re feeling exhausted and hopeless, I doubt that any of the matches you see will even excite you.
Another great way to avoid burnout is moving to a text conversation as early as possible with a match you like. That way, you can focus on the current conversation, not get distracted by other matches, and schedule a time to meet in real life.
Dating and finding love, as with anything important in life, is a journey. And even though you have endless options at your fingertips, it does not mean you have to show up constantly.
So play around with what boundaries feel good to you and tune in with your energy and enthusiasm when you’re swiping through.
Boundaries are what will give you your power and energy back.
2. Do you like him?
With online dating and dating in general, it’s way too common for women to focus all their energy wondering, “Does he like me?”
How many times have you looked at someone you are attracted to and immediately thought of all the reasons why it won’t work? You immediately decide in your head that he won’t like you or be attracted to you. Or how about when you are actually on a date and you worry that you aren’t being funny enough or you’ll have nothing to say?
The same goes for online dating. What are the thoughts that are going through your mind as you’re scrolling through the options?
If your mind is filled with limiting beliefs and worry about your desirability, you are actually blocking amazing men from contacting you.
When I was in my own dating journey, 90 percent of my thoughts were concern of what men would think of me. Constant scrolling and doubting my attractiveness were exhausting. It made me immediately discouraged whenever I opened the app, and therefore, I did not have the desire to even contact any of the men.
I never once stopped to ask myself, “Wait, do I even like this man?”
These limiting beliefs would make me constantly change my photos, question if my profile was appealing, and even lead me to yo-yo dieting. I wasn’t even giving potential dates the option to like me, let alone get to know the real me.
As women, we are so overly focused on what men, and people in general, are thinking about us. This constant swirl of anxiety will lead to burnout from apps or even setting up dates with men you like.
So instead, if you are constantly worried about your desirability, take some time to list out all the amazing qualities about you (there are plenty). Write out a profile that reflects these amazing qualities. Before you even open the app, pull out your list of what makes you attractive and remember all the reasons why men would love to date you.
Prevent burnout by showcasing the real you, and as you’re scrolling through potential men, ask yourself, “Do I like him and want to meet him?”
The men who are meant for you will find you faster than ever when you show up as you. And if you are ready to bust through those limiting beliefs for good and build real confidence, let’s work together!
3. The upfront work.
Similar to the first two steps, the absolute best prevention for dating app burnout is by approaching it with a stable foundation. A foundation of confidence in who you are, what you offer, and the qualities you are looking for in a man.
I like to call this foundation “The upfront work.” This is the basis of my private coaching package and what inspired me to be a dating coach. Doing this work is what changed everything for me. After I took some time to do this important step, I quickly met my soulmate on a dating app.
Now this was after years of failed dates, heartbreaks, and frustration.
But as I was starting my self-development journey and building my confidence, I realized I could apply the same lessons with dating. I took time to sit with myself and ask what it really was that I was looking for in a man and relationship. It wasn’t getting attention from men who were unavailable or going out with men who weren’t looking for anything serious.
What I wanted was a man who loved and appreciated the real me, someone who couldn’t wait to take me out and wanted to build a future together. I also listed out the top 10 traits of a man I was looking for (I did not include anything about physical traits), and those became my non-negotiables.
After I was super clear on these aspects, I was able to approach online dating with ease and trust that my man would show up. And sure enough, he was the first face I saw when I opened the app.
So if you are spinning your wheels and ready to throw in the towel on dating, take some time off and try this upfront work. If you are wondering just how to do this, set some time up on my calendar for your free discovery call and find out what is possible for you.
I know dating apps, especially today, can feel worthless and exhausting. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Follow these three crucial steps and get your power back. With a foundation of authentic confidence, anything is possible.
You never know whom you will cross paths with next.
Here’s to making dating enjoyable and getting you closer to love than ever before.