February 26, 2022

He Likes me, He Likes me Not: How to Stay Put when he Doesn’t Make the First Move.


View this post on Instagram


Our eyes meet, and something inside us ignites.

There is a chemical reaction in our brain that makes us attracted to this particular person. It might be someone in passing, someone we know but have never spoken to, or someone we have known for years.

But something inside us, out of nowhere, says, “Oh yes, you’re the one I might want to give my heart to.”

That’s the initial chemistry we feel for someone when a crush has developed. We didn’t mean for it to happen. We weren’t looking for it. Heck, we can’t even control it. But it just happened.

There is no calculated formula that makes us feel this way for anyone in particular. It happens when it happens.

This bubbly feeling washes over us. It feels hopeful. The world opens up to possibilities. It even feels a little magical. We were just minding our own business when our hearts came alive. The sun feels a little bit warmer. The birds begin to chirp a little louder. Love is in the air.

We start to skip through our days. But as time moves on, nothing is happening. He is not making a move. He is not trying to win over our hearts. He is not sending us love poems or flowers. Nothing.

What are we supposed to do with this?

We call everyone we know. We need to know why nothing is happening. We need to know if we should be doing something. Friends are telling us to do this or do that. We start to overthink every interaction with that person. Are we doing something wrong?

It starts to feel overwhelming when we are the only ones feeling it. We are stuck in this weird one-sided emotional clusterf*ck. We didn’t ask for this. And now we are left thinking about this person, all the time. Every time we run into them, our heart beats a little faster. Our minds go into overdrive. Our temperature rises. We become oddly clumsy all of the sudden. We even trip over our own words.

This is not fun anymore. So we try to move past these feelings. We certainly can’t function from an unknown state. We refuse to let these feelings torture us any longer, so we attempt to force the feelings out of us.

Just when we begin to move past all the nonsense, he decides he wants to give us some attention.


He constantly looks at us. He looks away when we catch him staring. He strikes up conversations every chance he has. He gets easily flustered. He gets anxious around us. He initiates eye contact. He goes out of his way to sit or stand near us. He takes every opportunity to touch us in the most subtle way.

We are pulled right back in it again.

Yet nothing happens. We like him. He may or may not like us back. No one is doing anything about it. We are right back where we started in this now confusing emotional clusterf*ck.

And all we really want to know is whether this guy is interested.

Just because someone is not saying the words or making the moves, it doesn’t mean there is no hope. There are many reasons why someone might not say or do something to win our hearts.

There is fear of rejection, which is the number one reason most people won’t approach someone.

Some people are deathly shy. It doesn’t matter how much they like someone; they simply don’t have it in them to make a move. It physically pains them to even think about telling someone how they feel.

No one knows who is supposed to be the pursuer. Men are trying to feel their way around this new world we live in when it comes to dating. They might as well be waiting for her to make the first move.

When it comes to asking someone out on a date, there’s still a lot of pressure on women who are interested in men to wait to be asked.

Some people struggle with confidence issues and have low self-esteem. These play a vital role when it comes to love. They don’t think they’re worthy of having love and, therefore, might not do anything to pursue it.

But maybe no one has to do anything about any of it.

Crushes are completely normal. They are good for our health. Having a crush is one of the most common feelings. It’s just another part of healthy social development.

Having these feelings for someone should be fun. They bring excitement into our lives. They make us feel alive. But they only become stressful and overwhelming when we place so many expectations on them. If we let go of those expectations, we can really enjoy all the feelings we get.

We shouldn’t put too much pressure on ourselves for what this should or shouldn’t be. Or what we should or shouldn’t do.

It’s all part of feeling. It’s all part of falling in and out of love. It’s all part of dating and relating.

If something is supposed to happen with this person, it will happen. Let go of the attachment to the end result and enjoy the ride.

There are no rules when it comes to this thing. Some love affairs will always be admired from afar, never really knowing if there ever was a chance, and always being a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Others become more, fulfilling every ounce of anticipation we held on to, and providing us with some kind of wonder.

At the end of the day, the one we are meant to be with will find his way to us.

In the meanwhile, it should be fun and exciting, sexy and exhilarating, and sometimes even sad and frustrating.

But that is part of living. So just embrace it.



Read 68 Comments and Reply

Read 68 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Sharon A. DeNofa  |  Contribution: 196,225

author: Sharon A. DeNofa

Image: oh_long_leslie/Instagram

Editor: Rasha Al Jabi