I am still f*cked up. Nothing changed about that. But I stopped trying.
This might sound slightly arrogant, but let me explain.
When I went to therapy for three years, it started feeling like a never-ending story. I started worrying that I would never be happy again. I felt like the biggest loser on this planet.
Everyone besides me seemed so successful and fulfilled. Why can’t I get my sh*t together?
At the same time, I often got triggered by folks selling coaching programs and life hacks. I enjoyed making fun of pseudo-spiritual folks and other dynamics within the healing community.
But if I am honest with myself, these feelings often came up because I secretly wanted to be like these people. I wanted to travel the world and live the dream.
Unfortunately, I was also convinced not to be good enough to achieve any of that. Why? Because I was in therapy and just watched my life falling apart. Why would anyone want my advice?
So, I did what every lost millenial does these days; I took a yoga teacher training.
A few weeks into the training, I got annoyed by the positive mindset of everyone around me. Not because I wanted to be the grumpy guy—I just didn’t feel it.
I told myself the story that I was just too f*cked up to be like these people. My healing journey started to overwhelm me. I got anxious. I felt lost. I felt like a loser again.
But then, I had a conversation that would change my perspective on life forever. It all started with a question.
My friend asked me, “Do you know anyone who is not crazy?”
I was confused. At that time, I felt that I was the only one who was crazy. I was the one in therapy. Everyone else seemed fine. But I was wrong.
After not being able to name anyone who doesn’t have any neurotic trait, trauma, or weirdness in them, my mind started to shift.
“What if we are all crazy? What if we all don’t have our sh*t together?”
All of a sudden, I felt less bad about myself. But not only that, I also found more compassion for all these lovely folks around me who were also trying their best to heal themselves.
Isn’t that what we all do these days? Everyone has some sort of trauma or triggers. I am by far not the only one who feels lost in this world. We are not in the same boat, but we are all in the same storm.
This world is challenging all of us. We have to pay bills. We want to feel loved. We want to be heard. We want to make a difference. There is so much that we desire. There is so much that we try and regularly fail at. But it’s okay.
The only thing to be ashamed of is the false belief of not struggling at all. If we give in to the illusion of “positive vibes only,” we are already lost. Really lost.
But as long as we keep learning, trying, and improving, there is no need to be so hard on ourselves. That’s all we can do, and it’s perfectly fine.
You are crazy. I am crazy. We are crazy. Let’s celebrate our weirdness. Let’s accept it.
As mentioned in the beginning, I stopped trying. There is no need to fit in. Why? Because that’s the real craziness that creates so much suffering in this world.
Let’s stop trying to fit into the illusions sold to us by folks who are just as f*cked up as we are—and start accepting the fact that nobody is perfect.
Sometimes things work out, and sometimes they don’t.
And that’s perfectly fine.