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Being single…with kids…is damn near impossible.
Something is always late—the rent, electric bill, phone bill.
Something is always broken—the closet light, the dishwasher, my spirit.
There is never enough time…or money.
It was hard when I was married, so of course, it’s harder now that I’m divorced. I just had no idea.
Despite the struggles, I wouldn’t trade my independence for anything. There is so much freedom. And peace.
I’ve been single for almost three years. My divorce was final right before the pandemic started. Not exactly the best time to take a stab at dating. Zoom dinner date, anyone? No, thanks. I need in-person interaction to have a conversation and get a feel for what their vibe is and who they are as a person.
There’s this voice in the back of my head that tells me I’m scared. Now that the world has opened back up, I’m scared to put myself out there. I can’t use the pandemic as an excuse anymore. But that voice isn’t wrong.
Putting ourselves out there and opening up our hearts is scary business. We risk getting rejected. We risk getting our hearts broken…again.
The other thing that has me terrified is what my daughters will think about me dating. How will they feel about it? Will they be mad? Will they be excited? This is unchartered territory for all three of us. None of us knows what the hell we’re doing. How open am I supposed to be with them? What information am I supposed to be withholding? If I meet someone, how will I know when the right time to tell them is?
I’m getting ahead of myself, but these are the thoughts weighing on my mind. Some of these thoughts are holding me back from really putting myself out there.
During the pandemic, I spent a lot of time alone. This time allowed me to learn more about myself and what I need and want in my life, as well as what I need and want in a partner.
While I may not be ready for a date tonight, I think I will be soon. And I think I will keep my mind and heart open for whatever magic might find me.
I feel confident that love after heartbreak exists.
I feel confident that what is meant to be mine will come to me. And when it does, I’ll know exactly what to do.