June 13, 2022

From Pattern to Pleasure: the Art of Masturbation.

May is traditionally known as Masturbation Month, which brings so many possibilities to awareness.

Possibilities of pleasure, sexual energy, self-love, exploration, growth, healing, and intimacy.

For a long time, I’ve spoken about the difference between masturbation and self-pleasure.

And the reason I sometimes use asterisks is that I was once blocked on a platform for writing about…you know what.

So to make things a little easier, I’m going to use M.

And speaking of you know what, that’s what it is for many of us: hidden, secret, we do it in private, we don’t talk about it, often even with our partners. So, for many of us, it’s a private journey.

And we can make it an inner journey, a spiritual journey, a journey of personal enquiry, growth, exploration of our bodies, hearts, and minds.

When we think about M, most of us think about it the same way we think about sex with a partner. It’s about the goal—the orgasm.

Then we fall asleep, go to work, or go out, whatever we’re going to do.

Sometimes, it’s about stress release; sometimes, it’s about relaxation; sometimes, it’s about feeling good for a few seconds; sometimes, it’s a compulsion; sometimes, it’s about loneliness; sometimes, it’s a habit, a pattern; sometimes, we’re looking for connection.

Sometimes, it’s all we’ve got.

Sometimes, it’s about control.

The thing about these experiences is that we generally do them in the same way, the same pattern. In our bodies and our minds. The same fantasies, the same porn, or whatever stimulation we need.

And that’s the limitation (one of them, anyway).

We need what we do—the thoughts, the images, the words—to get us to orgasm. And without those patterns, and without touching ourselves in the way that we do, we can’t get there.

The pattern keeps us doing what we do, in the same way that we do it. And that limits our experience. It limits the possibilities. The possibilities are in pleasure—not in orgasm.

There’s no judgment in orgasm. It’s important that we get that.

They’re different experiences. And as we become more aware, as we experience more, as we open ourselves to the connection between our bodies and hearts, as we feel our sexual energy, we make different choices.

And we’ll choose pleasure.

We’ll also connect with, experience, become more intimate with our whole bodies. Orgasm, particularly during M, is genital. That’s our focus.

Pleasure is our entire body.

It’s a discovery, an exploration, an awakening, an adventure into sensation. It’s a connecting, a reconnecting with ourselves. It’s an ownership of us.

There is healing in this—sometimes deep healing.

It’s an intimacy with ourselves, a knowing ourselves, a relationship with ourselves. An emotional relationship, whereas orgasm is often functional; it serves a purpose.

In sensation, in knowing ourselves, there’s permission, freedom, to feel. And pleasure is the path.

On this path, we will meet our heart, for conscious pleasure enters through the heart, swirls in the heart, rises to the heart, flows down from the heart.

And in the vast space of the heart we meet ourselves—we find ourselves.

And in the heart, in heart breath, is a beautiful, conscious, self-pleasuring experience.

Bring your awareness to your heart centre, deep in the middle of your chest.

As you breathe in, have the awareness that you’re breathing into your heart.

As you breathe out, have the awareness that you’re breathing out from that space. Keep your awareness on your breath; keep your awareness in your heart.

Touch your yoni or lingam, stroke, caress, any way you enjoy.

Keep your awareness in your heart, in your breath.

It brings you from your thoughts to a deeper presence in your body.

Your mind will wander; you’ll go into the pattern.

Come back to your breath, to your heart.

Be patient.

You may not feel a lot as you change the pattern; the body gets used to a certain stimulation.

Be patient.


The pleasure will flow.


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