To experience intimacy, we want to feel more connected to our partner because it creates trust and security.
When we feel safe, we are likely to let down our guard and want to explore and be open to transcendence.
In the beginning of a relationship, we live more in the present moment. We appreciate our partners. We want to get to know each other and fully enjoy each other’s company. However, when we get used to the other person, we start to live more in our heads.
Instead of experiencing our relationship, we experience our thoughts of the relationship and the other person. We start to think that we already know who the other person is, and we take them a bit for granted.
Instead of truly listening to our partners, we make our own assumptions about them and what they are telling us. We don’t realize that we are experiencing our own thinking and not the real relationship.
Here are 10 tips to help you get reconnected and feel more intimacy:
Your full presence is required
1. Give your partner your undivided attention and focused presence. When you give someone your full presence, they feel loved and cared for and heard.
2. Listen to them with your eyes, ears, mind, and heart. A huge part of connecting is providing a safe space to connect.
3. Ask your partner questions; be curious and interested in them, even if you’ve been together for a long time. Ask them questions that reveal their inner reality, their values, their likes and dislikes, their beliefs, dreams, and struggles. Relationships are based on sharing, so be prepared to answer the very same questions you ask so it doesn’t feel like an interrogation to them.
4. People are afraid to share the truth of themselves with you because they are afraid of any consequence. People need their emotions to be accepted more than anything else to feel connected. So show them you are accepting of them through honest, authentic communication.
5. Take initiative. This is especially true for men because masculinity is forward-moving energy, otherwise you stay in a passive role. Most of us spend our time waiting for the other to connect with us, but we must let go of this and be willing to go to the places where we want to connect be seen and understood.
Be emotionally available
6. Openness is emotional generosity. Being vulnerable is scary, but if you are always guarded, you will never really connect with others. Don’t wait for your partner to initiate connection of any kind. Initiate the kind of connection you want. Offer information about yourself; it will help with feeling included and wanted by you. Share your passions and desires with your partner; it will help them feel inspired and energised.
7. Relate to your partner by being empathetic and compassionate and find ways to help your partner feel validated and convey that you understand them. If we really want to connect with someone, we have to be willing to feel what they feel. We must be willing to step into their shoes completely.
8. Extending energy toward other people is essential when it comes to connection. Remember important dates; remember things about your partner that are important so that they can see that you have really taken them to heart. Make them a priority in your life. It’s difficult to connect with someone when the message you keep giving them is “you’re not important to me.”
9. Practice exuding warmth and positive energy to your partner; this helps them to feel comfortable and welcomed by you. We are sensitive to energy. Here is a good technique for doing this: imagine from your heart centre a laser beam of light, and send your partner a feeling of love, appreciation, warmth, or any feeling you want them to feel from you to their heart and watch the transformation.
Intimacy and sexuality
10. An important way to connect is through your erotic connection. It’s more than just sex. It’s a way of living and experiencing pleasure, joy, aliveness, playfulness. Your erotic connection and sexuality engages your creativity and imagination and generates a quality and energy between you. It’s this connection that touches our thoughts, feelings, and senses.
A physical connection to someone with whom we also share a strong spiritual and emotional bond, that’s something else entirely. It’s pure love…romance…passion…intimacy…ecstasy. The best sex you will experience is with someone you love, and it gets better and more satisfying over time if you allow yourself to be open.
Erotic connection is risky and vulnerable. It requires trust so that we can engage in a unique communication that combines self-reflection and a deep understanding of one another. Sometimes, this communication goes beyond talking and relies on our senses.
Many of us when it comes to sexuality tend to do what we think we should do, or what our partner expects from us rather than what we’d like to be doing. We get stuck in ruts and disconnect from our imaginations. We often would love to experience new things with our partners, but we can be afraid to initiate what we want. A minor annoyance or a major impasse can both be a catalyst for shutting down sexually.
Eroticism isn’t purely sexual; it is sexuality transformed and socialized by the human imagination. Our imagination creates the plan, flirtation, longing, and anticipation—all play within our mind’s eye. This is where our faculties live.
Let go of your fears and take the risk to ask for what you want on every level so you can create the most intimate partnership that is solid, fulfilling, full of love, passion, euphoria, acceptance, pleasure, and closeness.