The darkness crept in recently.
Every now and then, I feel it. I know we all do.
Oftentimes, I allow my own darkness in. And recently, this was the case. I’ll admit, I’m quite dependent on the tools I use to feel happy and alive—intentional movement and breath, writing my heart out, sacred alone time, early mornings, making love, feeling the ground beneath my bare feet, nourishing my body.
It’s normal to be dependent on these things. I mean, of course, we have to eat and make love and move and breathe. But, when I don’t care for myself in these ways, that’s when I begin to feel the darkness, the intrusive thoughts, the insecurities, the dread.
The darkness can often feel debilitating—especially when we’ve been taught to believe that it’s “bad” and something we should hide. But the shadow doesn’t belong in the shadow; it belongs in the light.
When we begin to feel rage, frustration, depression, or whatever emotion we deem “negative,” it needs to be seen. And more specifically, it needs to be seen as valid—because it is.
I have a lot of feelings. And that often includes rage. I get angry and I want to hit and scream and cry and have a “temper tantrum” because life is f*cking overwhelming and hard. But I’ve always been conditioned to be a “good girl” and having a tantrum is bad. And spewing out my irrational thoughts would certainly make me look crazy and it would certainly need to be fixed.
But what if I was never broken?
Why would I need to be fixed?
When I’m angry, don’t tell me “it’s nothing.”
When I’m raging, don’t tell me to “calm down.”
When I’m screaming and crying and stomping my feet, don’t tell me to “just breathe.”
What I need from you is to witness me. To hear me. To see me. To tell me I’m right. Because when you tell me to “calm down, it’s nothing, just breathe,” I will resist. I won’t feel seen, heard, or validated. I will feel alone, misunderstood, broken.
But I’m not broken. I’m alive. And that’s what being alive is; it’s feeling.
When the darkness creeps in, all we really need is to be heard. All we really need is for someone to be there, to validate our emotions, to make us feel less alone.
When the darkness creeps in, let it into the light by letting it be. Don’t resist it.
And when you see the darkness in others, don’t cause them to resist it. Honor it. Be there for them. Tell them their rage is sacred—because it is.