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It’s time. You know you have to leave.
You’ve stood in this doorway before. So many times you have reached your hand out and opened it, only to close it and stay. “One more chance,” you tell yourself. “This will be the last time. This time will be different.”
So, once again you stay and hope that things will get better. You stay and hope they will love you the way you love them, with every single part of you. You stay because you hope they will finally see that losing you isn’t what they want.
You stay because you don’t know what else to do.
But really, it is fear that keeps you stuck in this place. You fear that if maybe you had just waited a little longer things would be different—the way they used to be. You fear that if you finally do open that door and step through, they won’t follow you. You fear they will let you go and not feel anything as you walk away. You fear they won’t feel the hurt and pain you felt over and over as you have stood there willing yourself to finally step through. You know it’s for the best but do not want to let yourself believe it.
So, you keep stepping back inside. You keep closing the door. Even though, deep down, you know what you need to do. You have known it for a long time. Your anxiety makes your mind race through all of the scenarios surrounding this decision. You know that if you do step through that door, and they don’t follow you, then you will finally have to face that they never really wanted you enough to stop you from leaving in the first place. You have to face that they might move on with their lives and forget what you once had.
Maybe they will even forget you.
But, you also know that you can’t live this way anymore either—in a constant gray area. Because this gray area has got to be much worse than anything that might be on the other side of that door…if you really think about it. And you have thought about it, but you are still afraid to finally do it.
It is time that you listen to what your head is telling you because your heart is what keeps you on the threshold. This beautiful heart has given so much to this person. This heart has known love and happiness, and pain and sadness in its lifetime. This heart has been through a child’s addiction, a divorce, the death of loved ones gone too soon, and painful breakups, and yet it has survived.
It is such a kind, loving, and giving heart that has so much to offer to someone. You have to know that your heart will survive this too.
It is time that you see your worth, walk through that door, and never look back. Let them feel your absence now, just as you have felt theirs for far too long, even in their presence. Because you will be enough for the right person and they are waiting for you on the other side of that door—waiting patiently for you to finally step through.
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