What do you think of when you hear the term dating app?
If you’re like a lot of people I know, you cringe or roll your eyes.
Dating apps have gotten a bad rap lately and trust me, I understand why. Between endless swiping, ghosting, dead-end messaging, and unsolicited pictures, there’s a lot to not like about them.
But on the flip side, they still matter in the world of modern dating. I met my husband on an app and most of my married friends did as well. Like it or not, dating apps are the way of the future.
I like to view dating apps as just another way to meet a potential partner instead of a mindless entertainment activity. If you’re using them with intention and boundaries, it can be successful for you.
The good news is that the next evolution of online dating is here! I am so excited about this for my clients and single friends. I know that this next phase of intentional dating apps will make for a lot of happy people.
Let’s get into four ways you can ensure online dating is successful for you:
1. Be intentional.
Most app users just start swiping with no intention of how they want it to go. No wonder this leads to burnout and stress. Just like a GPS on a long drive, you need to set your sights on your end goal.
Before you get on the app ask yourself the below questions.
>> What is my mood right now? Am I excited to meet potential partners or am I doing this out of boredom?
>> Do I believe online dating can be successful for me? Why or why not?
>> What are the top three traits I am looking for in a partner?
>> Am I ready to message someone I find interesting?
>> Am I ready to suggest a first date if the conversation is going well?
>> What are signs that will tell me someone isn’t right for me?
If you don’t have clear answers or they are only negative responses, you probably aren’t ready to use the apps just yet. Take some time to do the inner work and get clear on why you’re using the apps.
Stop wasting your precious time and energy and take control of your experience!
2. Use video chat.
The reason why I am so excited about this next evolution of video speed dating is that it lets you get a feel for potential mates and get a sense of their energy.
Video calls will also help you feel safer before meeting someone in person because you’ve already seen their face.
If you’ve been messaging someone and you feel like it’s going nowhere, try suggesting a 10-minute video call to further the conversation. If you’re not quite comfortable, start with a phone call.
The faster you get off the app and the endless messaging, the faster you will know if you want to actually meet this person. If the person refuses to further the conversation, well you just weeded out a dud and can focus your energy elsewhere.
3. Meet in person earlier than later.
This tip goes hand in hand with the one above but takes it just one step more. If you’re enjoying talking to someone, suggest a first date sooner rather than later.
This lets you know if your date is serious about meeting or just looking for a pen pal.
One of the main reasons why meeting in person early on is more effective is because you want to save most of your conversation for a first date.
Judging people on intermittent messaging is never a good look. Personality is exactly that—personal—so meeting face-to-face is essential when trying to judge a potential partner. Humor, tone, and someone’s ability to “light up a room” are missed via messaging, so get to know a person properly before deciding if they’re a good fit.
It’s always better to save the mystery for when you actually meet. My guidance is to schedule a date for the first week you start talking. Only spend a couple of days messaging basic stuff and save the deeper conversations for the date.
Always meet somewhere in public where you feel safe. If your date is suggesting a location that makes you uncomfortable, try suggesting a café instead.
My husband and I first met at a coffee shop; it was the perfect, neutral place to get to know each other. This is the number one way to see if your date is serious about meeting you.
Stop the swiping and start actually going on dates!
4. Trust your gut.
This is the most important tip whether it’s for online dating or not. Always trust your gut when talking to and meeting a potential partner. You were given an innate guidance system, so use it to your advantage.
Where most people get stuck is when they ignore their own instinct and get distracted by a partner’s looks or social status. Those things may be fun for a summer fling, but they are not a good indicator of a long-term partner’s potential.
Start to pay attention to how you physically feel around someone. Does this person make you feel safe, comfortable, and happy? Or do they make you feel tense, unsure, and anxious? Your body knows before your mind does—trust it.
The same goes for messaging on an app. If you get the feeling that the conversation is going nowhere or they imply they are only looking for a hookup, it’s time to move on.
That’s why I urge users to suggest a date early on so you can gauge if someone is serious or not.
This tip also depends on how well you set your intentions and end goal that was outlined in tip #1. When you go in with a clear head and you’re excited about the possibility, you can let your intention guide you to success.
When I work with clients on their dating journey, we spend the majority of our time doing this inner work and getting clear on their desires. This way they can approach the dating world confidently and feeling excited instead of deflated and resentful.
So there you have it, four ways to make online dating successful for you. If you’re serious about meeting someone and don’t want to go to another wedding alone, these tips will help you do that.
And for those of you that are ready to go all in, be an early adopter of this next evolution and be one of the first success stories!
I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll meet your special person.