When I set out to find love, to meet my person, it was like learning how to walk again.
For most of my life, I avoided relationships, so I really had no idea where to begin.
My first thought was that I needed to mold myself into the perfect woman in order to be desirable. I had to be this woman that every man liked and wanted to take out. I mean, that was the way to fall in love, right?
I admit that I bought into the societal norms of how to meet a romantic partner with the hopes of falling in love. I believed, like many of us, that I had to morph into this ideal image of a woman. As you can guess, this made dating stressful and not fun.
I would stress over things like what to say on the date and worry if I sounded interesting enough. I dreaded being asked what my favorite movie was or being asked what I did for fun in fear that my answers would be too boring.
I was so focused on wondering if a guy liked me, I didn’t once stop to think if I even liked them. Every unanswered message on a dating app would send me into a spiral, and I just assumed I would be alone forever.
I was so consumed with worry about whether I was desirable enough that I lost sight of what I was even looking for.
And maybe you can relate, too. Maybe you are so sick of unfulfilling dates and unanswered texts that you are ready to give up altogether. You can’t stand the sight of another happy couple because it just reminds you of what you don’t have.
I promise you are not alone in what you’re feeling. Love is something that every human desires yet it’s a mystery of how to actually find it. Or maybe you find love easily but don’t keep it. Whatever your situation is right now, I promise that it will change.
It wasn’t until after a painful breakup that I was feeling intensely lonely and uncertain about my life. I thought I found my person and my dream finally came true. I built up a perfect relationship in my head and nothing was going to stop me from finally being the one in love.
But after it all came crashing down, I was even more lost than ever.
It was in those challenging months that followed the breakup that I came across a quote that changed everything for me. For so long, I was waiting for someone to come and choose me, for someone to see the depth of my soul. I was doing all the “right things” but getting nothing in return. I was so fed up. I just wanted my soul mate already!
So during one of my endless internet scrolling sessions, hopelessly looking for answers, I saw this quote that sparked something inside of me. Here’s the quote that changed it all:
“Love has nothing to do with what you expect to get — only with what you are expecting to give — which is everything.” ~ Katherine Hepburn
When I read that quote, I knew I was going about it all wrong. See, I was expecting this great love to show up for me just because I was going about the motions. I was going on dates, I was being the girl everyone would like, and I was exhausting myself going through dating app profiles. Yet I was turning up empty-handed.
But it was in that moment that I realized I wasn’t giving the love I was expecting to find. I was expecting someone to come along and fill a void, without even realizing that love already existed inside me.
And this is exactly how the Universe works. The energy we put out into the world is the energy we get back. This couldn’t be more true than when it comes to finding love. So many of us go out into the dating world wanting someone to come along and save us. We want someone to take away our loneliness.
I don’t blame anyone for feeling this way; our society and “rom-com” movies make it seem like this is the norm. But when you approach a relationship expecting it to magically solve all your problems, you will only be disappointed in the end.
So after I saw this quote, I experienced the most transformative year of my life. It was the year I turned inward and discovered all the amazing parts of me, the parts that I had to offer to someone in a relationship. I realized that love already existed inside of me and my person was out there—waiting for me to find them. The more love I felt in my everyday life—for my friends, for my health, for my passions—the more love I attracted back to me.
That year was so transformative because I grew a foundation of confidence and happiness that would be with me no matter what. I didn’t need a man or a relationship to come and fill that void for me; I already felt it on my own, and it grew every single day. I realized I had so much to offer in a relationship and if I could just be me, I would find a great love.
And you know what? At the end of that year that is exactly what happened. I met my person and he was everything I could have wanted and more. He saw the magic in me because I saw it in myself first. He gave me his undivided attention and told me he never met anyone like me before.
Now looking back, I see it so clearly, why none of the other dates or relationships worked out. I was dimming my own light and hiding away who I was. I wanted love yet I wasn’t honoring that feeling within me. If I didn’t love myself, how could I expect someone else to?
That quote changed it all for me and led me to meeting the love of my life. And my hope is that it sparks something within you, too.
Here are the most powerful lessons that it showed me:
You must be an energetic match for the love you are desiring.
Simple as that. If you are desiring a deep connection that is based on honesty and truth, you need to get honest with yourself first. If you are wanting a partner who will always be there for you, well you must do that with yourself first. Become your own best friend, really get to know yourself inside and out, and learn about all the amazingness you have to offer to someone special. Because once you start living as your authentic self, that’s when the magic starts happening.
Love is not your savior; it’s an amplifier to your already amazing life.
If you are expecting love or a relationship to solve all your problems, you will be set up for disappointment. See, love is not some magic pill to suddenly make you happy and fulfilled. The best kind of love there is is one that is stable and comforting. It’s a love that amplifies an amazing life that you have already created. When you’re focused on building an incredible life, one that is filled with passions and supportive people, love will practically fall into your lap.
Shine your light so bright that love has no choice but to find you.
Life is far too short to live as anything but yourself. There is only one of you on this planet, so why try to be like everyone else? When you dim your light and hide away who you are, you invite all the wrong types of people into your life. Trust me, being like everyone else is boring. When you’re older and looking back on your life, what do you most want to remember? Stop fading into the background and shine your light proudly! Be your authentic self and you just might meet the love of your life.