When I first started my dating journey, I honestly had no idea what I was doing.
I was hoping that my endless swiping and messaging would finally make my dream of finding love come true.
I would get so excited about going on a date and meeting a guy, only to be disappointed later when there wasn’t a connection between us.
For the first couple of years I was dating, I was putting an unrealistic amount of expectations on myself and other people.
As soon as I matched with someone, I had visions of us falling in love and thinking “this is finally the one!”
These kinds of thoughts are what lead me to feel so much pressure when I went on a date. Pressure to be the perfect woman and have the perfect outfit. Pressure for the date to be amazing and for the man on the other side of the table to be my knight in shining armor.
Maybe you can relate, too. Do you get excited about the thought of finding love but then get discouraged after a date falls flat?
Rest assured, it’s normal to feel this way. I always see it with single friends and clients I work with. I spent years feeling this way, too.
Humans put so much pressure on the process of finding love because it’s a lifelong dream for most of us. We all want to feel loved and appreciated. We all want to find a meaningful connection with someone with whom to weather life’s storms.
But unfortunately, this pressure and expectation are what keep most people stuck. The majority of people would rather not put themselves out there instead of feeling rejection or disappointment. All it takes is one heartbreak to throw in the towel completely.
I remember there was one point in my journey when I was just tired. I was tired of going on multiple dates a week that lead nowhere. I was tired of messaging back and forth for weeks only to be ghosted. I was tired of trying.
It was at this point that I deleted all the apps and told myself that being single wasn’t so bad. I genuinely liked my life and I was following my passions. Finding love would be amazing, but it wasn’t something I needed to be happy.
It was honestly a freeing feeling. I could now focus on my happiness and goals and not feel that insane pressure I was putting on myself to meet someone.
What followed was one of the most amazing years of my life. I grew my confidence and created a life I loved. I actually did fall in love with the most important person in my life, myself.
I was going about my life and feeling happy when that little voice inside started to poke at me again. This time it was gentle and supportive and it told me it was finally time to find my person. My life was full and my soulmate was waiting for me.
For the first time in my life, I felt hopeful and calm. I knew that this voice was right, I knew that my person was waiting and ready to meet me. I didn’t feel pressure to make it happen immediately; I trusted that it would unfold according to a plan I had no control over.
This time around when I approached the dating world, I completely changed my mindset. I would date in a way that felt good to me. I would honor my energy and boundaries. I would decide the type of person I wanted to be with and only pursue those that exhibited those qualities.
I approached dating with the confidence that it would happen at the right time instead of needing to control it. It was like I had this secret look into my future and I knew it would work out.
Dating felt so much easier this way. Sure I still had disappointment and doubt at times, but I always went back to this inner confidence.
When I met my now husband about a year after starting my inner journey, it just felt right. Everything fell into place and it unfolded in a beautiful way. We have been together for five years now and our connection only gets stronger.
One of the main things that helped me on my journey was to create a pre-date ritual. This ritual is what helped me harness this power and allow me to trust the process. I went from unsure and anxious to calm and confident.
I now teach my clients this ritual in their dating journey. It’s comprised of a few different elements, but it always contains this powerful visualization practice. This is the thing that always works to boost confidence, attraction, and happiness.
Do this before your next date and feel your energy change. This will allow you to release the pressure and expectation and be present in the moment. No matter what the outcome is, you’ll know you brought your best self into the experience.
Follow the steps below and repeat them as many times as needed.
>> Set your timer for 10 minutes. Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes; place your hand on your heart, and take three deep breaths.
>> Think of all the amazing things you have to offer in a relationship like kindness, compassion, and support.
>> Imagine your most confident self: what does she say? What does she think about herself? How does she show up on a date?
>> Imagine this version of you on the next date, fully immersed in the conversation and putting herself out there.
>> Visualize the date going well and you schedule a second date; you’re excited to see where it goes.
>> Really feel yourself as this person, knowing that love is out there for you and you’re attracting love as you grow your confidence.
>> When the 10 minutes is up, know that this version of you already exists and she’s ready to show up on this date. You got this!
By visualizing how you want to feel on a date, and how you want to show up, you are aligning with the outcome you desire.
When you approach the dating journey with confident energy, love will find you easily.