The human brain is a funny thing.
It’s something we all have that’s incredibly powerful yet there’s still a lot of it that is unknown.
We live in an exciting time, when there’s a lot of new research about the brain coming out.
One thing that has become more apparent is that every single one of us creates our own reality. We base this reality on our own judgments, fears, history, beliefs, and external influences. Kind of crazy to think there are almost eight billion realities going on out there!
Since the human brain is so powerful, it can be used for extraordinary things. It can guide us toward our dreams, learn new things, and create new beliefs whenever we desire. With some conscious effort, the brain can take you to wherever you want to go.
But on the flip side, since the brain is powerful, it also has the ability to keep you stuck. It can hinder you from going after what you want without you even knowing it. It has the power to keep you in the same situation for years or even a lifetime.
Why is this? See, the brain loves familiarity. Our ancestors needed this trait because familiarity meant safety and staying alive. The brain relied on fear to make our bodies run faster from opposing threats. The brain was an amazing asset to the humans who came before us and it’s the reason we are still here.
This need for safety and familiarity is still wired in the brain today. But the problem is the brain has not evolved to our modern society. The brain doesn’t know if we are afraid of a lion running toward us or a big presentation coming up at work. The brain wants to keep us safe no matter what the threat is, period.
This need to keep us safe translates into keeping us in familiar situations and deterring us from trying new things. Where this fear really hinders most of us is in the process of finding love. Love is something we all want but few of us want to sign up to be rejected or hurt.
I see this all the time with friends and clients. They say they want love but then let their fears and judgments stop them before even trying. I was stuck in this place for years, too. I let my fears win and believed that love wasn’t in the cards for me.
Those fears would make assumptions and keep me stuck, anything to keep me in my comfort zone.
Anytime I would attempt to put myself out there, my brain would serve up any of the below statements:
I assume this date won’t work out, so why even try?
Dating apps won’t work for me, and they are all worthless.
That guy didn’t respond to my text, so I am never going to meet anyone.
Why would I send this guy a message if he will just end up ghosting me?
All my friends have found love, and I’m past the point of meeting anyone special.
How many of those statements can you relate to? How many of those statements have stopped you from going on a date or messaging someone that catches your eye? Don’t let the brain stop you anymore! I’m here to tell you there’s a different way to live, one that supports where you want to go.
As I entered into my self-development journey and learned about the subconscious brain, I learned that these fears weren’t the truth. They were based on beliefs I had picked up from society and other external influences. They weren’t mine to carry and I had all the power to change my beliefs.
If I wanted to find true love, well then I would have to put myself out there. I would have to move past those fears, that part of the brain that hasn’t evolved, and start to believe new thoughts. The subconscious brain can be rewired, and that’s what I set out to do.
I tried everything I could get my hands on like journaling, meditation, coaches, courses, affirmations, you name it. These all helped in their own way, but I realized that it really all came down to one word: willing.
I had to be willing to put myself out there, put my heart on the line, and face heartbreak if I wanted this dream to come true. Sadly, I don’t think a lot of humans have this word in their vocabulary because it’s easier to never try than fail.
Once I was willing to try new things and be open to feedback, my entire journey changed. I went on dates with newfound confidence, knowing that I would be okay no matter what happened. I started messaging guys first, realizing their response to me was out of my control. I just started to have fun with it.
And you know what happened? I did end up meeting my soulmate about a year after starting that journey. I met him on a dating app, of all places. I used to be so against the apps and assumed they wouldn’t work. But once I opened my mind and was willing to try it, well my perfect person showed up.
That’s the thing about making dreams a reality, you have to let them come into your life any way they can. You have to be willing to put your fears aside and let faith take over. Of course, you may still encounter heartbreak and rejection, but those are just more lessons as you go about your journey.
So next time you’re putting yourself out there, instead of fearful assumptions try these phrases instead:
I am willing to see what dating app matches I get today.
I am willing to start the conversation first; I have nothing to lose.
I am willing to go on a first date and see if I like this person.
I am willing to be pleasantly surprised as to where my journey takes me.
I am willing for my special person to show up in my life in any way possible.
See how much freer and more optimistic those statements feel? And the best part is, the more you say them, the faster your brain will change its beliefs and take these as truths. You’re letting the Universe know you are open and ready. Be ready for how fast love shows up in your life.
I recently passed this tip along to a client on how to make sure she’s staying in this mindset. I told her to write down the following on a Post-it note and put it somewhere she can see it every single day.
I am willing to see where life takes me.
Try it out for yourself and watch life and love unfold magically.