I’m not proud of it, but I have to be honest with myself, and I ask you to honor my decision. I’ve decided to return Winfield: puppies are cute, but they’re a lot of responsibility! I couldn’t quite do it. Honestly, puppies are cute, but they’re a lot of responsibility! You have to walk them, feed them, exercise them, socialize them, you can’t just take photos of them for IG and FB and your pals and leave them in your backyard or home.

On Returning Winfield (’cause it was just too much work and frankly I’m an Empath).

They’re a lot of responsibility! You have to walk them, socialize them, include them in your life not just leave them at home, the yard certainly isn’t nearly enough. Everyone knows you have to train a puppy…but few acknowledge you have to train YOURSELF, and that’s it’s a responsibility, not just a cute fun thing. Photos by way of good bye, and thank you to dear little Winnie.

{April Fool’s Edition: shhh}

It’s not talked about enough, because people feel shame. But shame is always bad, so I’m here to tell you why I returned Winfield, my puppy of 10 days, to the rescue from which I had adopted him.

Why return a cute puppy? It was too much work. He pooped, and peed, and peed, and peed in my house. I had to get Redford’s old crate out of the basement, and wash it off, and get Redford’s blankets out, and shake them out, and set up dog beds and get dog food and walk instead of biking for 10 straight days, and deal with throw up at 4 am when Winnie suddenly threw up his dinner on top of his bed, then immediately started eating it again. I didn’t even have time to go the grocery store, or to a few of my favorite restaurants. I was the one leashed to Winfield, effectively.

I had to take him out to go pee and poo in the middle of several other nights, and sometimes Winnie would even playfully/infuriatingly decide to play hide-n-seek for up to half an hour when it should have been bed time. I was tense and not sleeping as well, since I was alert and ready to grab Winnie out of his crate and take him out to the back yard, in the snow, in my boxers, freezing, waiting for him to go pee, for more than half an hour. That actually happened and I had to be patient while shivering.

Honestly, responsibility is a lot of work. Puppies are not just cute, they’re responsibility, love, training, and I was not up for all of that.

But the main reason is something I wrote about in my Ayahuasca article: opening up my heart again to loving again, to caring, was and is a mistake. It’s best to just close down and mope about forever, honestly, it’s much less work. Just go home each day, turn on Bravo or reality TV, and before you know it, life has passed you by, without ever having all the above hassles.

Goodbye, dear Winfield, you were a pain in the arse, but man you made for some really cute and popular Instagram shares.