When I first set out on my journey to find love, I didn’t believe it was possible.
I spent my entire life believing all the fears and doubts in my head and resigning to a life alone.
I had thought of pretty much every reason why love wasn’t in the cards for me. I believed there were no good partners left and that I was too sensitive to be in a relationship. Every possible reason love wasn’t going to happen for me, I thought of.
I see this with friends and clients all the time. They get so used to believing their fears that trying to reframe those thoughts feels extremely uncomfortable. It was for me at the beginning of my journey, too.
The brain loves to keep you in your comfort zone and familiarity. This means that it will hold on to long-held fears in order to stop you from trying something new. The brain would love it if you did the same exact thing every day for the rest of your life.
The brain may want to live in a groundhog day fantasy, but I know most of us do not want that. So when it comes to finding love, the first step is to start reframing and confronting those fears that the brain is serving up. This was the starting point for myself and now for my clients.
You cannot find the love you are desiring without first addressing and rewiring those long-held thoughts that have kept you stuck. It’s possible, I promise!
Even though the brain loves familiarity and can hold onto beliefs for years, even a lifetime, the amazing thing about the brain is that it can start to believe new thoughts. It’s a muscle just like your thigh, calf, or shoulder. With some practice, it can change and become stronger.
So today, we are starting your brain exercise routine! I am talking straight to your brain and addressing all those fears that arise when you think about finding love. This article will also teach you how to address any new doubts that arise on your journey.
Once I realized that I didn’t have to hide behind my fears anymore and I could choose new thoughts, everything changed. I started to see it was possible for me and even got excited about the thought of it. I started to see life as an adventure, curious about what was in store.
Instead of throwing in the towel, I worked on my beliefs and took the necessary actions. Dating started to feel fun and lighthearted, not like a chore. I recognized how many people have found love and told myself that I was no different.
With enough brain training, my beliefs changed forever. I found evidence as to why it was possible for me instead of listening to everyone else’s complaints. If I heard a friend saying that dating is impossible, I reminded myself I hold different beliefs.
About a year after I started working on my mindset and belief, I did find love. My soulmate appeared at the exact right time and everything fell into place. Of course, there were bumps along the way and fear still popped up, but my belief in love never faltered.
Now it’s your turn to address those fears and remind yourself what is reality.
Fear: There are no good men/women/people left to date.
Reality: Okay, I know this is a popular phrase that is thrown around, but honestly, there’s no truth to it. There are almost eight billion people in the world; do you really think there’s no one good left? We live in an age where you can connect to anyone, anywhere. So while it may feel like you know everyone in your town or friend circle, there are plenty of possible partners out there. I know for a fact that out of around eight billion souls, there is one for you.
Fear: I can’t put myself out there because I fear rejection.
Reality: So you know how I mentioned that the brain loves repetition and familiarity? Well, this fear is caused by that. Your brain is keeping you in the same spot because it’s trying to protect you from rejection. But what rejection really is is just a sign that someone isn’t right for you; it does not mean anything about you personally. Sure, rejection may hurt, but it’s not life-threatening. And once you do meet your person, you’ll be glad all those rejections happened in order for you to find love.
Fear: Love hasn’t happened for me, so it will never happen.
Reality: Just because it has not happened for you yet, does not mean it won’t. This one is totally in your control to choose new thoughts and actions. The thing about life is that it comes in waves. There are really good days, there are really bad days, and everything in between. You have seasons in life, meaning new beginnings can happen anytime. Close your eyes and picture yourself six months from now in love with a special person; how good does that feel? Now remind yourself that it’s 100 percent possible!
Fear: I’ll lose my independence if I am in a relationship.
Reality: It’s sad that many people believe you have to lose yourself to be in love. The healthiest relationships encourage you to grow individually, not take away your sense of self. Instead of thinking you need to find your “other half,” tell yourself that you are looking for your equal that enhances your life experience. The most magical part about a loving relationship is that two people still get to follow their individual dreams while also building a life with someone they love. You don’t lose yourself in love; you get to enhance your individuality beyond belief.
Fear: My last relationship ended badly, and I’m not strong enough to go through that again.
Reality: Yes, breakups suck. But hear me out; breakups are one of life’s best teachers. They show you what you actually desire in a relationship and they prove that you can get through tough times. The fact that you put your heart out there and survived the pain of a relationship ending means you are stronger because of it. I promise there will be good days again and love is in the cards for you. One relationship ending opens the door to the right one showing up.
There you have it; your biggest fears around finding love debunked. Fears are there to attempt to keep you safe when all they do is keep you stuck. With a little conscious reprogramming, you can adopt beliefs that support where you want to go.
Now get out there and find the love that is waiting for you!
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