Another huge year is nearing its end, and as I slow down, take a breath, and reflect, I am aware of the external world around me.
The hate. The control. The greed. The envy. The destruction. The pain. The devastation. The grief. The inability of some humans to learn. Change. Grow. In many ways a world in chaos. Turmoil. A world crying out for love and care.
I am also well aware that whilst the external world effects us all, I can focus on my internal world and the person I am and want to be. A big realisation I have had is that the greatest impact we have in our own personal world is our own behaviour. Our own beliefs. Our actions. How we treat others. Our willingness to learn. The work we do on ourselves. Our understanding of perspective. Our kindness. Our gratitude. And when we focus on these things, they make us better people and that can collectively create a better world.
So as we count down the days in readiness for a new year to click over, let’s reflect on our impact on the world. The type of humans we want to be. What we can each do to make a difference. How we can respect the uniqueness of every individual. How we can do better and be better. Because the truth is the world needs us to step up. The world needs to see the best of us.
Here’s what the last few years have taught me:
1. Your past doesn’t define your future, but if you don’t learn, begin healing, and grow from any pain, heartbreak, and mistakes, you will keep yourself stuck in the same cycles. You will repeat the same mistakes. You will become bitter and resentful. You will become a shell of the person you could be.
2. Find a good therapist. It’s amazing how your life can change when you do the inner work. The world is full of people who haven’t yet realised that they still continue to see through the eyes of their hurt and wounded inner child. That their behaviour is continually being triggered by things buried in their subconscious. I do not know one person who would not benefit from therapy or coaching. Working on ourselves is how we break cycles. We do better because we know better.
3. We all carry some unhealthy beliefs. Our belief system is formed in childhood by around the age of seven or eight. Those beliefs served their purpose when we were kids; however, many of them no longer serve us. In fact, they are detrimental to us. Beliefs around love. Relationships. Money. Work. If we grew up in dysfunction. Felt abandoned or rejected. Had parents who couldn’t meet our needs. Grew up in poverty or where money was an issue. Or even taking on our parents’ unhealthy beliefs and generational trauma. Working on our belief system takes the support of a good therapist to tap into our subconscious minds, as we often have no idea what those beliefs are.
4. We all have a voice. We all have a responsibility to call out injustice. To speak up against abuse. Violence. Social media is a dumpster fire of voices being used for the wrong reasons. Inciting hate, violence, and abuse. Condoning rape culture. Bullying. Applauding greed and control. We need to start using our voice against these narratives. How do we want to be remembered? What type of world do we want for our kids? Our grandkids? The more we talk about these things, write about these things, live accordingly, the better chance we have of silencing the loud minority.
5. Grief lives in us forever. It lessens. It gets smaller. But it’s always there. Always a part of us. We move through it and grow around it, but it never fully leaves. It fundamentally changes us. It reminds us of the love we felt. The person we were. Our life before the loss. It’s a painful yet beautiful reminder of what was.
6. Self-awareness is not an attribute everyone has. Self-awareness is something we learn as we work on ourselves and learn who we are at our core. It’s what comes when we start to understand our behaviour and actions. It’s the realisation of the impact we have on others. The more self-awareness we have, the more we are drawn to healing and growth. It’s not something we can teach another, and we can only ever meet another at the place they are at. We cannot expect others to be at the level we are at and it’s important to remember that.
7. Hanging on delays our healing. Letting go isn’t always easy and it can be painful and take time, but letting go is critical for our emotional well-being. Sometimes we hang on so tight to things that are unhealthy. We hang onto anger. Fear. Things. We try to hang onto people who want their freedom, thinking if we just hang on, perhaps change ourselves enough, give more, control more, if we just refuse to let go, we can change outcomes. We hang on to the detriment of ourselves and the more we hang on, the more we push what we want away. Sometimes we just have to sit back and surrender; not everything we want is meant for us.
8. Men and women may be different, but we are all human. We may have different strengths but that does not make us unequal. We all have emotions. Feelings. Wants. Needs. Desires. Ambitions. The need by some to create a war between the sexes is toxic. Masculine energy. Feminine energy. We all have both of these energies. Masculine energy doesn’t solely belong to men, nor does feminine energy solely belong to women. We are each made up of all different parts and energy. Being a good human is what we should be aspiring to be.
9. We attract the energy we emit. Ever see those people who keep attracting the same sort of partners? Over and over again? Sometimes they feel victimised. And of course nobody deserves abuse or pain. Ever. But we do attract the energy we are emitting and when what we repeatedly attract is unhealthy, it’s time to take a look at that. Have we worked on those past hurts? Do we know how to fill our own cup? Do we feel whole and happy? Do we have boundaries? Are we scared to be alone? Sometimes we need to spend some time in solitude and ask ourselves the honest questions.
10. Money is necessary to live, but it doesn’t make you happy. I continually see people chasing money. More money. More material items. Bigger houses. Designer clothes. Yet they remain unhappy because they are never satisfied. If they were happy, they wouldn’t be chasing happiness external to themselves. Imagine a world where everyone had food, shelter, health care and education and everyone was satisfied. Utopia? Maybe. Because the reality is there are far too many wealthy people who are miserable, yet we continue to prioritise greed over people.
11. Appreciation is the real magic. Appreciation for what we have. For life. It’s not always easy, especially when we are faced with pain, adversity, and challenges. But when we can find a little appreciation, it can change our outlook. Our perspective. Sometimes it can change our lives.
12. Going maskless is the key. When you finally take your mask off and are brave enough to speak your truth and live your truth, you will realise that you will find the right people and lose the wrong people. You will gravitate to a way of life that resonates with the veracity of who you are. When you understand that the only way to live true to your values is to be authentic, you will finally understand a depth of yourself you never knew and a life that brings you both joy and peace.
13. Fear often manifests as anger, jealousy, and control. We fear all sorts of things and fear itself terrifies us. It’s an intense feeling and emotion that so often projects in aggressive ways. It’s easier to be angry than it is to admit you are scared. Overcoming our fears can be tough, but the rewards far outweighs the work. Fears can be crippling and play with our behaviours, actions, and how we live our life. Understanding when our fears are taking control is life changing.
14. The greatest love story you can have is the love story you have with yourself. Always conditioned to find a partner. The other half. A belief that being alone or single means you are lonely or unhappy. We need to start internalising all that love. Partners are beautiful things, but they aren’t necessary for happiness and love. Loving yourself enough to respect your boundaries. Like money, some people are forever chasing love. Searching for a partner. Needing external validation. They ignore their intuition. They accept less than. Round and round they go. Learning to love yourself, even parts of yourself, is where you learn the type of love you deserve.
15. Ignoring my soul took me down many a wrong path. Our mind, our heart, and our soul, all have messages for us. I’ve found most of us rarely listen to our soul because sometimes it’s the scary path. It’s a path that wasn’t planned. It’s well outside our comfort zone. It challenges family and societal expectations. But the soul of who we are is our truth. I see it as our destiny. It’s the path we are meant to take and when we ignore that, we may live a comfortable life, but there will always be something missing. Something more for us. Following my soul isn’t always easy, but I know I’m heading in the right direction.
Life can throw us many curve balls and we can go through a range of emotions on a daily basis. It’s important to remember all our emotions are valid and we need to be allowed to feel them all. Days go by. Weeks go by. Months go by. And years go by. We can’t control the external world, but we can definitely work on our internal world. New Year is always a time that many make resolutions, but resolutions come with work. They come with changes. They come with commitment.
I don’t make resolutions; I go inwards and reflect. I continue to do the work on myself all year round. I continue to make the changes necessary in the direction of where my soul is taking me. I commit to do better and be better every day. It’s ongoing. It’s a work in progress. I’m a work in progress. It’s not something that happens on the first of January, but something that happens throughout the days, months, and years. It’s the promise I made to myself several years ago. It’s the courage I have to see my faults. My wounds. My truth. The courage I have to be authentic with everyone I meet. It’s the curiosity I have to look inwards without judgement or blame. The curiosity to meet people where they are at and a keen interest to understand them. And it’s the compassion I have for myself on my journey and others on their journey.
I’m stepping into 2024 with courage, curiosity, and compassion. Even when I’m scared. Even when it’s hard. I choose the path my soul has laid out for me. With passion. With love. With truth. Because this one life we have right now, today, tomorrow, and next year is the only life we currently have. Let’s choose to live it with purpose. Let’s choose to live it in the most splendidly spectacular of ways. 2024, I am ready.