By Waylon Lewis

on Mar 21, 2010

Buddhist books, articles on how to cope with Suicide of a loved one?

Recently, a fellow Buddhist sangha (community) member lost a dear friend to suicide. She inquired of our sangha if there were any resources out there that might help her, and the family of her friend, “bring obstacles to the path.”

Dear loving and large sangha,

A dear friend has just lost one of her sisters, only in her 30’s, to suicide.

She has come to me asking for Buddhist support materials about coping with her loss.

I know of some good books on death and Buddhism, but I am wondering if anyone in particular has good practices/articles/essays on how to use Buddhist practice to cope? Most of what is out there on the internet is oriented towards classical Buddhist philosophy.

Many thanks,
M

I emailed M:

Can you let me know what kind of helpful responses you get? I’d like to make them more widely available via elephantjournal.com. I’ve lost several loved ones in my lifetime already to suicide.

M. replied:

Waylon,

Sorry to hear that. Ugh. I am getting a lot of really general posts, you know, like “read Pema’s Things Fall Apart.” Maybe I wasn’t clear enough – cuz that’s not helpful. My friend’s really trying to get at this specific loss of suicide, which, as I suspect you know, isn’t the same on a lot of levels.

So far, i think I am going to send her the following:

> Making Friends with Death Judith Lief (deals more with dying, but it is really good)
> Five Ways we Grieve by Susan A Berger (self help Buddhist; since she just also lost her dad this looks great)

Then for non-Buddhist, specifically re suicide, this is what i have found with an hour’s worth of research on Amazon:

> no time to say goodbye by carla fine (main st books) memoir/self help – context/intellectual**
> Silent Grief by Christopher Lukas (Jessica Berger) – self help***
> Dying to be Free by Beverly Cobain (self help to heal the family)**

the last one is Kurt Cobain’s sister!

If you have anything personal to recommend that is not necessarily Buddhist but akin, please do.

thanks,
M.

I asked my mom, a senior Buddhist student and teacher, if she knew of any resources.

Mom, any advice on good books to read to help cope with a loved one’s suicide from a Buddhist perspective?

Her response:

It’s slim pickings.
> The best for all death is the Tibetan Book of the Dead, esp. the Francesca  Fremantle/VCTR edition  The prayers at the end are very helpful, esp. pp100-102
> Facing Death and Finding Hope by C Longaker but there’s just a few relevant pages
> Chogyam Trungpa “Acknowledging Death” in the Heart of the Buddha
> Chapter 9 of Boundless Healing by Tulku Thondup is on death

Because suicide is rare and frowned upon by Buddhadharma cultures, there’s not much specific written about the issue.  Judith Lief has written the most re: Death.

love,
Mom

Founder of elephant magazine (founded: 2002, went national as indie magazine, & successfully transitioned online in 2009 [because mainstream magazine distribution is wildly inefficient from an eco-responsible point of view]) is dedicated to "bringing together those working (and playing) to create enlightened society." It's about anything that helps us to live a good life that's also good for others, and our planet. elephantjournal.com (named Top 10 in the US by over 40 sites) and host of "Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis," a national “top ten ‘green’ video blog," Waylon was born in Boulder, Colorado, raised at a Buddhist meditation retreat in Vermont, graduated from Boston University’s top-ranked magazine journalism school; and is a top columnist for Huffington Post, daily bike commuter, workaholic, mediocre climber & best friend of Redford (a rescue hound). His goals in life: to take a long bath tonight with Dwell, The Sunday NY Times, The New Yorker & a glass of Talisker with one ice cube; publish a best-selling novel (and get filthy rich); have 12 red-headed chil'n (and only one wife); run for President (and lose) & have fun all along the way. ~~~ founder: elephantjournal.com | host: Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis. Ft. on 20 sites, incl. Huffington Post. ~ 200,000 unique visitors/month: Google Analytics. ~ Treehugger: Reader's Choice "Eco Ambassador in Culture & Celebrity" + 2010 "Changemaker" ~ Discovery Network's Planet Green: "Green Hero" ~ Shambhala Sun: "Prominent Buddhist" ~ Naturally Boulder: "'07 Entrepreneur of Year" ~ 5280 Magazine: "Top Single '09" ~ MNN: Top 10 US Green Video Blog ~ Beliefnet: Top 10 Buddhist Blog ~ Shorty Awards: #1 Green Twitter in US ~~~ To connect: "elephantjournal on Facebook" "Waylon Lewis on Facebook" & "Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis" on Facebook On twitter: twitter.com/waylonlewis and our award-winning twitter account, named #1 nationally in green: twitter.com/elephantjournal