“Thanks. All your students now want to have sex with you.”
Editor’s note: Mark Kreloff’s original 10 Reasons Your Yoga Class Sucks got so much traction with beleaguered yogis everywhere, we supplicated our disaffected friend for more snarky fun wisdom.
Because there are always reasons to be disappointed in your yoga class. Enjoy. Or, not. ~ ed.
1. If “all train compartments smell vaguely of shit,” the corollary surely is: “all yoga classes smell vaguely of feet.”
2. The guy that stores his yoga towel in the car for three weeks in between washings. Do you honestly think that no one will notice this?
4. Teachers who demonstrate Ganda-Bherundasana in a level 1 class. Thanks for the lesson in humility and congratulations. All of your students now want to have sex with you.
5. Studios that don’t limit class sizes. Why does the guy in front of me keep kicking me in the face? Could it have something to do with the fact that the back of his mat is covering the front of mine?
6. Teachers who plug their $5,000 yoga workshop in Bali. Thanks, but my checking account is currently overdrawn. I think it has something to do with your “auto withdrawal” membership plan.
7. The student that walks on my mat on the way to their third “pee” break. See comment #1 on feet and comment #5 on class size.
8. The yogini next to you has a nasty phlegmy cough and is surely contagious with H1N1. I’m not really sure that this yoga class is a good idea for you or me.
9. Unfiltered water at the water fountain. I know that you want to sell bottles of your Pepsi-owned private labeled “Aquafina” (the end of water as we know it?), but do you have to employ such draconian tactics?
10. Class is over and your iPod is no longer in your locker. Namaste!