10 Reasons Your Yoga Class Still Sucks.

Via on Aug 3, 2010

“Thanks. All your students now want to have sex with you.”

Editor’s note: Mark Kreloff’s original 10 Reasons Your Yoga Class Sucks got so much traction with beleaguered yogis everywhere, we supplicated our disaffected friend for more snarky fun wisdom.

Because there are always reasons to be disappointed in your yoga class. Enjoy. Or, not. ~ ed.

~

1. If “all train compartments smell vaguely of shit,” the corollary surely is: “all yoga classes smell vaguely of feet.”

2. The guy that stores his yoga towel in the car for three weeks in between washings.  Do you honestly think that no one will notice this?

3.There’s a loud frat party going on outside of your class during Savasana. Grain alcohol kombucha anyone?

4. Teachers who demonstrate Ganda-Bherundasana in a level 1 class. Thanks for the lesson in humility and congratulations. All of your students now want to have sex with you.

5. Studios that don’t limit class sizes. Why does the guy in front of me keep kicking me in the face?  Could it have something to do with the fact that the back of his mat is covering the front of mine?

6. Teachers who plug their $5,000 yoga workshop in Bali. Thanks, but my checking account is currently overdrawn. I think it has something to do with your “auto withdrawal” membership plan.

7. The student that walks on my mat on the way to their third “pee” break. See comment #1 on feet and comment #5 on class size.

8. The yogini next to you has a nasty phlegmy cough and is surely contagious with H1N1. I’m not really sure that this yoga class is a good idea for you or me.

9. Unfiltered water at the water fountain. I know that you want to sell bottles of your Pepsi-owned private labeled “Aquafina” (the end of water as we know it?), but do you have to employ such draconian tactics?

10. Class is over and your iPod is no longer in your locker. Namaste!

About Mark Kreloff

Mark Kreloff is an entrepreneur in Boulder, Colorado. He started his yoga practice 10 years ago with a “donation only” class in Santa Monica taught by Bryan Kest. To this day, it was the best class he has ever taken in his life.

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20 Responses to “10 Reasons Your Yoga Class Still Sucks.”

  1. Joslyn Hamilton says:

    You get me. And I love your bio.

  2. freddy says:

    sorry but this is funny!

  3. David Bent says:

    F%cking hilarious. Keep it coming, bro, don’t pay any mind to the haters.
    Much Namaste-
    db

  4. Richard Bird says:

    Kinda funny – but I hope you have a better class than your first with Bryan.

  5. Charlotte says:

    This makes me grateful for my students, and for the fact that I've never been in a class where any of this has happened!

  6. leighabutler says:

    Yoga studios do indeed smell vaguely of feet.

  7. mara says:

    the second ten were even funnier than the first :D

  8. This will surely go down as a a classic Elephant Journal piece – well done Mark!

  9. Linda-Sama says:

    #7, definitely. don't walk on my mat, I put my face there, you clueless idiot. and why does this happen MOSTLY in yoga workshops with other teachers? HELLO!

  10. when i first started teaching yoga i had a donation class. one of my friends came wiht a buddy I kinda knew. HE was a Pastafarian. Vegetarian, but hardly any vegetables, just pasta. Class started with about 10 students I noticed an odor but wasnt sure what it was. A few minutes int class i wen to adjust the pasta head and low and behold his pants smelled like umm A$$. seriously.. I almost died. Sweat and A$$. It was horrible. I almost walked out because I could not bear the idea of teaching class to men who smelled so bad.
    To this day, when i think of that class…I shudder. And gratefully I have never had that experience again.
    thanxs for reminding me that yes.. class can still suck.

  11. [...] Another rare species, but super easy to identify. This teacher also has a tendency to fall into the Backseat Yoga Teacher category, but with a little more pizzazz. They often beg students to come to their classes and resort to Facebook stalking if you never show up again. Inappropriate remarks regarding the size of anatomy parts, or their significant other disrupting class are typical occurrences. Bonus: More funny/serious: 10 Reasons Your Yoga Class Still Sucks. [...]

  12. mark says:

    so true nick!

  13. mark says:

    your comments are well taken. I am a whiner for sure. But that is a prerogative of my cultural origins…..!

  14. glacierbox says:

    Actually, to be honest, I don't find your list all that whiney on second read ( I just wanted to toss a cookie to the yogis I was pokin at) but I am proud to say I'm the only one here who elicited a response from the author..

  15. Yogini# says:

    I am a New Yorker who recognizes, shares in, and respects those cultural origins … Kudos to you!!

  16. mark says:

    thx and see you at the 4:30pm class.

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