I believe in miracles…usually…ask me again tomorrow.

Via on Nov 23, 2010

People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle.  But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth.  Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize:  a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child – our own two eyes.  All is a miracle.  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Life becomes precious and more special to us when we look for the little everyday miracles and get excited about the privileges of simply being human”  Tim Hansel quotes

These are the quotes that were fueling my yoga practice this week…sharing quotes with my students usually gives me such a wonderful feeling. But not today.  Today they just pissed me off….actually today everything is pissing me off; funny how pain can do that to a person.   I am an angry, bitter yogi today – sure it’s happened here and there over the years — but never have I had such a crisis of faith in all of it…I’m ready to throw up my hands and just go back to being a meat eating, alcohol swilling, no caring WHATEVER…if all my clean living leads to this????

Sure, I’ve had back pain before. I’ve overdone it; pushed to hard and had a little discomfort or even a terrible back ache – that went away. But this? OH NO…this is nearly unbearable, no position relieves the pain and it is turning my mind to mush.   I’m questioning EVERYTHING…what good is a daily asana practice (that is done with back trouble in mind), what good is the clean diet, supplements, etc if you are still going to end up feeling like crap??? Seriously???  OK I know I am generally this positive blogger…all rainbows and sunshine and to tell you the truth that is what is pissing me off right now…

Help me my elephant friends…I am at a loss.  It all started with back discomfort…DISCOMFORT with occasional flare ups, but they were becoming a nuisance so I thought I would get it checked out just to make sure..the chriropractor took an X-Ray and low and behold I had three vetebrae twisted to the left and curving to the left…so I began treatment. And I let my yoga practice turn therapeutic. Extra careful in my twists to not pull on the sacrum,  supported back bends only,  bent knee folds, flat back folds…gentle and loving was the name of the game…it just kept getting worse and worse. Finally I gave in – NOTHING for 5 days.  Total rest…and it seemed better not great but better. So I tried a little stretching and BAM back worse than ever.   I literally can’t stretch anything (well except maybe my shoulders) without excrutiating pain…wtf???

SO where do I go from here? I literally can not do any stretching…nada…zippo…every movement aggravates.  I have done a few guided meditations for relaxation…ODDLY when thinking about what led up to this emotionally and the days leading up to this crisis and I was in such a euphoric state of happiness — it seemed everything was lining up perfectly… hmmmmm….

Anyway off  to see the acupunturist and have an appt. with a new reiki healer on saturday…any other suggestions?   I miss my students, my asana and my feeling of strength. I know I always rise up and conquer in the end — but  today I’m allowing myself anger, at least for a little while.

Has anyone else experienced a crisis of faith? What was your experience and how did you overcome it?

About Aminda R. Courtwright

Aminda is a wellness facilitator and founder of ARCreated Wellness, LLC. A yoga teacher, transpersonal hypnotherapist, and Reiki Master, she shares her own healing journey with others in hopes of inspiring and uplifting those she meets. Her yoga classes are gentle and workshop style to invoke a real sense of learning and designed to be truly accessible for all levels. Her biggest hope is to help others take their yoga practice off the mat and into everyday life where it is truly meant to be experienced. (and can be most useful) Refusing to settle into the middle path just yet she prefers to dally on both edges and can be seen swinging right and leaning left. A devoted animal lover and activist and a humanist she is prone to rants and believes strongly that life is to be savored and that “we are all in this together, shouldn’t we enjoy it that way? “ When she isn’t teaching yoga, hypnotizing people, adoring her husband or doting on her grandson she is out riding her motorcycle—promoting the image that yogis are rebels and are a force to be reckoned with! You can also find her on Facebook. To join her for free classes online follow her here.

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9 Responses to “I believe in miracles…usually…ask me again tomorrow.”

  1. Aurora says:

    Dear Aminda, I would say that your yoga practice, your efforts to clean living and all you have done are truly working well. This seems to be the next step on your journey: starting to dig deeper than the positive all- rainbows- and- sunshine blogger… to discover and make friends with the angry, pained you.

    It is not the back pain that is causing your distress… it is a painful spot in your consciousness. You have carefully avoided it up to now, but this seems to be the time when you need to look at your inner monsters, the ones rising right now, and face them with understanding and love. Your anger is not anger for back pain, look deeper. Also, realize what anger is, and that it is not you. It is not even yours… it is the result of human misunderstanding.

    These are all steps on the path of yoga. You are really doing fine…
    Sending you all my love, and wishing you speedy insight and liberation!

    • ARCreated says:

      thank you!!! I had that realization this morning…that I was too often squashing the pain and ignoring it rather than facing it…it is definitely a process

      • Aurora says:

        So glad for you! And I hope you realize that "face" doesn't mean "fight". I have come to understand that facing the pain means hearing its deepest message, realize what mistaken conclusion I have drawn at some point about myself, and drop that conclusion. All that is needed is loving awareness, directed to the painful spot through breath. Good luck!

        • ARCreated says:

          OH certainly!!! face meant accept and listen – — pain is merely communitcation right? and now that it has my attnetion but is a little more bearable and I am able to refocus that way!!

  2. Douglas says:

    OOOOooooohhhhhh – I LIKE Aurora!

  3. Gregg says:

    To paraphrase the Layman P'ang: My miraculous activity: emptying the cat box!

  4. ARCreated says:

    actually at the chiro it's been mostly "release" the massage therapists have been doing myofascial and trigger point even some ART…I'm thinking "release" has been the problem…my SI seems very destabilized and week…I think "release" left it defenseless…the more I released the surrounding muscles the more destabilized the ligaments got…it's what "feels" right/

    does that make sense?

  5. ARCreated says:

    I will try to outgrow my wound ;)

  6. I wish I had an easy solution for you, Aminda, and I certainly can't improve on the advice others have written above.

    About all I can do is commiserate. I do not respond to pain well, and I have a small crisis of spiritual confidence every time I get a cold. Who knows how I would respond to unrelievable chronic back pain.

    Best wishes for a successful recovery.

    Bob W.
    ElephantJournal.com

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