After some deep meditation and consulting with my inner B.A.R.Y. (big ass redneck yoga) master I realized that a true yoga style requires more than 3 poses. I have consulted the regarded gurus of B.A.R.Y. and together it is our intention to put forth a practice that encompasses all of the spiritual and physical needs of the modern Big Ass Redneck yogi.
We may include from time to time here; more of our cooking with beer recipes here because while we are masters within our revered practice – damn it we still need to eat too. And if the amber nectar that we all revere is part of those recipes – well then so be it.
The next pose to discuss is savasana pose or corpse pose in the western vernacular – which may be appropriate if it is the morning after a night of beer butt chicken. However in deference to our redneck styling’s we have modified the pose to “COUCH savasana” .
In the busy life of the big ass red neck yoga master this pose is part of the weekly scheduling – usually about the same time some boring Sunday afternoon movie is on the tube.
Start the pose in your TV room and by ensuring all necessary props are close by – TV remote, beer (preferably in one of those iced beer can holders – in case your Sunday pose practice takes you deeper than you thought possible), blankie, and pillow (optional). And did we mention beer?
Start the pose by firmly planting you big redneck ass onto the couch and working your big ass self slowly down into the cushions. It is appropriate at this time to swat any canine or feline companions off of your yoga couch (err- mat).
Pull both your knees up slowly – however if you struggle with this level of mastery it is alright to only bring a single knee up. Swing your legs (or leg) to the couch and let your feet (or foot) slowly settle into the cushions. Please note o Master that if you only brought one leg up – it is now time to bring the remaining leg up to the same position.
There may be those that can go deeply into this pose with one leg on the couch (err mat) and one leg still on the floor but they very likely do not have the physique that a Big Ass Redneck Yoga master acquires after years of dedicated practice. Besides this is YOUR practice not that of some snot nose uber flexible yoga brat.
Once you have got both legs onto the couch slowly (don’t forget to breathe or you may find yourself in the meditative portion of this before you are ready) ease both legs down simultaneously; down and away from the upper body – and allow the upper body to slowly lean back onto the elbows.
It is now time to reach out for one of your props – yea damn right – I agree lets go with the ice cold beer and take a HUGE gulp. Because we all know that proper hydration is a critical component of Big Ass Red Neck Yoga and at a mastery level (which of course we all are at) it is considered just plain ol’ bad form not to follow the proprietary and supplemental movements which so many who have gone before us; have selflessly dedicated themselves to in development.
Okay set that empty can down – and grab that secondary prop – the remote – and turn that damn squawk box off or at least down. You don’t really care today for Saints or Raiders – you are about to enter into the blissful solitude of COUCH savasana. We can tolerate interruption however they best have a cold and new nectar of the gods (yep that’s right another beer) for the Big Ass Redneck Yoga master.
Okay let’s see:
1) All felines and canines off your sacred practice space – check
2) Props in place. No check cause dammit you needed to hydrate. It is alright at this time to call out to your significant other (who has very likely JUST started to clean up your culinary theatre prep area from your masterpiece presentation last evening) to bring you a replacement prop. The lie-about has just started the chores and you are already deep into your mid-day (or maybe mid-morning if you’re are super dedicated) Big Ass Redneck Yoga practice.
3) Once she has replaced your prop and silence is once again yours – slowly – ever so slowly (and continue to breathe) slide your legs towards the end of the couch while slowly lying back as your arms slide down towards your side.
Please note this is usually where the nouveau (even the big ass red neck yoga master likes to pepper his talks with words from other languages – in this case a fine display of French) practitioner may slip immediately into the couch portion of the pose. This acceptable it just takes an extra movement to relax. And finally into position – check.
You are now in couch savasana (our favourite Sunday pose – especially if we have been sharing beer for breakfast secrets immortalized by the Man in Black”) and it is time to start the relax portion of the pose.
Close your eyes and slowly let your eyeballs roll back into your head. You know this move – it is the same one you use when your significant other asks you to go shopping – O.M.G.! Relax your legs and arms and continue to breathe deeply – ever so deeply and slowly.
Proper hand movement with appropriate chant – uuuhhhhhmmm may be deepen this pose – thumb should stand alone – as if around – ohhhh say a nice large beer can for example. And perhaps one of those that share your domicile will place a double offering of peace – a big boy in each hand – in a nice foam cooler – so that you will not unnecessarily need to interrupt your pose/meditation.
Stay focused on your breathing slowly and deeply. A nice swallow to moisten the air as it flows into your lungs
If your significant other (and they better have them dishes done before they do) has the temerity to question you; (really though who would interrupt a Big Ass Redneck Yoga master) tell that person that you are in deep COUCH SAVASANA pose and meditating for another wonderful cooking with beer recipe. Perhaps its time for a nice thirst busting drink again.
And if they appear to still show you no consideration – with further interruptive discussion (and no nectar) it is utterly alright to turn over into recovery pose (facing away for your interlocutor) and stay deep in this our favourite Sunday pose – Couch savasana. Don’t forget to set your beer down before rolling over.
Sleep well! Whoops I mean meditate well old son.
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