Catching Thoughts: Piss Puddle.

Via on Feb 23, 2012

I like my ego.

Something that I struggle with on a regular basis is my negative reactive state in relation to my all encompassing unflappable stability that is usually marked with the word “egoless.” In the Eckhart Tolle subscription to life, ego is not you want. Reactions to anything are bad. Bad thoughts about yourself or others are bad. Inspiration is bad. Anything concerned with the self is something to be exfoliated off. I seem to have subscribed to some of this even though I do believe that the ego isn’t inherently bad, but that sometimes we just need to keep it in check.

I like my ego.

It provides me with healthy boundaries, satisfaction, the ability to introduce myself to other people and take care of the things that I take care of on a regular basis (like eating, sleeping, watering my plants). What I’ve discovered about this relationship between my negative reactive ego and the need to be stable in an egoless way, is a disassociation with actual life. I’ve begun living liminally, (somewhere in between ego and stability) that makes for a hybrid feeling situation which can be un-satisfactory because I’m not giving myself the freedom to express what is coming up.

Maybe the problem is I never really learned to shed my ego. But dammit, I like being moved by art or a piece of music! If you’re like me, maybe there’s another way to approach life and here’s my solution to changing a negative egoic reaction into something positive where you don’t lose feeling, but morph the “crap” into something good for you and others (if your ears are sensitive, I do drop the ‘f’ bomb in it):

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Thank you.

~

Editor: Kate Bartolotta.

About Celia Aurora de Blas

Celia Aurora de Blas is an Actress, Producer and Yoga Nidra teacher in Los Angeles. By being honest and public about her path in changing herself, she intends to help others by example. "Change is challenging, but it helps when we see others do what we're trying to do. It makes it less scary."

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4 Responses to “Catching Thoughts: Piss Puddle.”

  1. Great, as always, Celia! Just shared on the main facebook page. Have a wonderful liminal day :)

  2. Eric says:

    Somedays I feel like the Elephant Man (John Merrick, not Waylon :) and there's no hat big enough. I would strongly advise against drinking a double espresso when trying to maintain liminality….anger, like any emotion, is simply energy. ::there is a difference between 'reacting' and an appropriate 'response'::
    just like you have to know fear before you can be fearless, you must have a healthy ego before you can let it go and not attach to it (~never completely free of it, but certainly less beholden to it). luckily, meditation helps me see the anger for what it is, or I drum (try jamming to some Tito Puente :), go for a long walk–like you say–connect with that anger full-on in *constructive* ways. life is nothing but our desire to live and our constant dissatisfaction with living; we cannot shut out the shadow parts of ourselves, we must welcome it ALL, only when we accept it we can work with it. Thanks.

    • Aurora says:

      Yeah, embracing it all is what I've come to realization of too. Denying things doesn't work at all. Transmuting energy does though :) Thank you for your thoughts, Eric :)

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