Gettin’ Dangled in a Relationship? ~ Stephanie Bailey

Via on Mar 21, 2012
Photo: Nathan E.

You’ve been dating someone. Now, it has become a relationship and it’s going great.

This person is consistent about calling and making plans to see you; you experience a feeling of excitement, joy, and trust that encompasses you like a child learning to walk for the first time. You feel secure about your relationship. A big beaming smile stretches across your face each time you hear their voice, see them, receive a text, or their name comes up in conversation.

Everything is going great—until “the hiccup,” or the situation/event that causes the person you’re dating to be upset with you. All of a sudden there is friction between the two of you.

Hiccups can be of various degrees: miniscule, minor, severe. Unfortunately what you might think is miniscule, the other person might consider severe, or vice versa (which is always better).

If you give someone information that upsets them to the point that they need time to process or gather further information before they make a decision, that’s completely fair.

What’s unfair is that they take their time. A week or several go by, and they don’t communicate with you, leaving you in limbo. You start to wonder if they are able to emotionally get through the circumstance and continue the relationship. What’s even worse is that while they’re “processing” the information (they tell you they’re not dating anyone else), they do a 390: letting days go by without any communication. They don’t make plans to see you, and when they reach out it’s small talk.

Ouch. That will definitely diminish/kill the spark between you. Having a 360 at least you’re starting from the beginning, a 390—you’re in the negative. You’re actually worse off than when you started.

That’s was it feels to be dangled.

When someone is dangling you, they are communicating just enough to keep you wondering, but not putting any effort into the relationship, which makes you question if there is any relationship at all.

People who dangle are usually bad communicators. The dangling happens for many reasons. Often, it is because of unresolved trust issues. Even though the two of you have chemistry and/or the sex is great, the dangler can still be unsure. They don’t exactly want to let you go since they have feelings for you, but since their egos were most likely bruised, they’re afraid to commit. This causes them to go back and forth about how they’re feeling towards you.

When a dangler sees you, everything appears normal, but when they stop communicating and instead dwell on the “hiccup,” it sabotages the relationship. It’s like taking steps backward instead of forward. This action will start to diminish the happy, trusting, secure feeling you felt in the beginning.

Bottom line: if someone really likes you and that person is right for you, they won’t let you sit around, waiting and wondering. They might get upset but the willingness to do whatever it takes to be with you will override the “hiccup.”

Everyone should process their feelings when they hear something that upsets them before making a decision—but make a decision.

If someone tells you they like you and communicate in so many words, “We will figure out a way to get through this hiccup,” then they need to get through it and move on. If you can’t get past a hiccup, that’s ok, but be a grownup; let the person know and end the relationship so they can move on with their life.

Actions speak louder than words. If someone changes how they were once interacting with you, perhaps they have lost interest. Taking the relationship to the next level is probably not one of their goals.

Don’t let yourself be dangled by anyone.

If the person you’re dating can’t move past a hiccup, do yourself a favor—cut the strings and move on!

 

~

 

Editor: Brianna Bemel

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4 Responses to “Gettin’ Dangled in a Relationship? ~ Stephanie Bailey”

  1. [...] can I say? He was a sweet talker. We had been friends for years, and he had always presented himself as a Prince Charming of sorts. [...]

  2. Absolutely not true. People have very different speeds of processing. What you are writing about here is really a difference of emotional processing style, not proof that the other person is not right for you. If that's the case, the solution is to express your own needs, not make large judgments about the quality of the relationship based on thin air.

    • Ally says:

      Christopher Parker, I would love to read your piece on emotional processing styles. You should write it and submit it to these guys at Elephant Journal.

  3. Dana says:

    This is exactly what I'm going through now. Great article!

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