After nine months of intense psychological experiments on 5,869 subjects ages 22 – 99, Harvard experts revealed yesterday at a press conference held at the White House, what had only been suspected for most of history, but not yet scientifically proven.
Some of the experiments performed
“This doesn’t come as news to me”, said Obama in his official statement. “I mean, it’s just like religion: one of those universal, unquestionable truths one should just accept already, goddamnit. You know me, I get all heated up about equal rights and sh*t. But most of life as we know it comes as a result of women’s unhappiness and mysterious complications, such as child birth, cell renewal during menstruation and all the wonderful female things that, as legal citizens of Mars, we’d love to experience, but can’t.
So I say ‘Yes’ to a new America that celebrates our differences with a smile and is finally allowed to chill in the name of science, for God’s sake.”
“F*cking unbelievable April Fool’s bullsh*t”, said a passerby.
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