Now accepting applications for Girlfriend.

Via on May 16, 2012

waylon sturman

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, whether you’re happy alone or miserable together, or vice versa…we’re all lonely. As Lily Tomlin put it, “We’re all in this Alone, Together.”

What is the longing for love rooted in, if not a futile, insecure, confused quest for completion? Is this longing I feel, possibly in and of itself, as Pema Chodron says, the raw open wounded heart of basic human goodness? Is loneliness our only inheritance? Is she out there?

After a rough relationship a year or so back, I’ve kept mostly to myself. I’ve only gone out with…maybe six Ladies in three years, and none of those made it past a few months.

I’m tough to go out with. I’m picky. So are you, too, I hope. I’m outgoing, but inwardly focused on workaholicness to the point that folks make jokes about my being in a relationship with my laptop.

I’ve first dated a fair amount, but rarely gone on second or third dates. I don’t want casual anything—it might sound fun, but what I really want is a friend. A match. A partner in my busy-ness, in my joy, in my sadness, in my dog hikes and morning meditation and lunches downtown.

And, a partner in spaciousness.


Now accepting applications for Girlfriend.

Must be:
1) beautiful,
2) sane,
3) independent*
4) loving,
5) have an infinite tolerance for my being focused on working all the time, ie my being frustratingly ADD about actual real life, ie I am incredibly boring.
6) sane.

My qualifications:

1) um…

2) …I have an awesome dog.


*(ambitious/devoted to greater good)


Relephant bonus: Eye of the Tiger Silliness with Robert Sturman.

About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. | | | | | Google+ For more: publisherelephantjournalcom



79 Responses to “Now accepting applications for Girlfriend.”

  1. climblaughlive says:

    If I had only known, I would have introduced myself at Pizzeria Locale the other day…darn.

  2. jennyjenjen says:

    Whatever! Your qualifications are too many to list. I call BS on that wimpy little list.

  3. Amy Carole says:

    Waylon, you know, maybe it's time you get to a YogaDates event…I'm totally serious. And our first Boulder event is Friday. How timely!

  4. mark says:

    Not only am I a yogi, but I am a marketing writer. Let's work on your pitch, man.

  5. vanessafiola says:

    Waylon, you're awesome.

  6. elephantjournal says:

    Dana Carter you forgot one other requirement…uhmmm, single

    Tracy Debra Betts I a glad that you are feeling better, AND you are really hilarious

    Waylon Lewis Dana, hah, yes, that is a requirement! No suffering for nobody, suffering ruins lovefun!

  7. Renee says:

    You have list your sign, ascendant and moon. Sheesh! What kind of new age post hippi yogi buddhist are you?

  8. What about;
    Someone who can take mountain creek mud and concoct a balm to massage my feet with, all while humming my favorite Pre-1970 Stones tunes.

  9. Laura says:

    wow Chris- that criteria must have been in a Deida text that I neglected to read before you. Good one. wow 😉

  10. Waylon, sometimes we don't see what is right in front of us…May I direct you to the left hand side of the screen?

    You have a bevy of beautiful women to choose from: The hot 93 year old yoga teacher, the light eyed freckle faced wabi sabi goddess, the MILF with the 7 year old and 3 year old hanging off her tits, the girl that likes to masturbate, the girl that can't get off her floor, and the painted yogini. I mean, come on! Knock SANE off your list(cause who really is) and reel her in elephant man! :-)

  11. faye says:

    waylon, you don't know me and i only know you through your writing. and from photos. i am totes! in the same boat, looking for a man with the same qualities, esp being ambitious/devoted to greater good. i am not suggesting anything more than just letting you know that you are not alone in this quest for a mate/partner in crime. but hey, at least you are in the states where i think you have a better chance. me, on the other hand, in germany. and if you know anything about it, you can understand what i mean. good, good luck for you and me and all the peeps like us out there.

  12. Andrea Balt Andréa Balt says:

    You forgot one item on the list.

  13. Nicole Sanderson says:


  14. @tom_zorro says:

    Well Waylon, at least your not disabled – so your already one up on me .

    Unless your Prof X or Some Brilliant Professor or Peter Dinkalage ( and i doubt even Hawkings could get laid ) the options are out of your hands ( literally sometimes )

    What spiritual lesson does that say about luvvv today , because it seems no one is above that attachment to materialism & perfection ( and yes im talking the new age , shaman , post hippie Buddhist and whatever crowd too )


  15. @tom_zorro says:

    I know love is not lust, but does that matter when you got a face like a hens arse , or physically incapable – I think it does , and Id challange any one here to say otherwise.

  16. Lori Wasserman says:

    Very clever! All the perks of internet reach without all the ickiness of internet dating sites. You're going to be inundated with possibilities…then all you have to do is sift through and suss them out 😉 By the way…how are you still single? You're smart, successful, mindful, spiritual, handsome….

  17. elephantjournal says:

    Via Chris Courtney: A funny pearl of wisdom from my buddy Fred Johnson: Relationships are sometimes like a deck of cards. They start out all hearts and diamonds – and end up with a club and a spade….

    Rhonda Leigh how about the joker?!…lol

    Waylon Lewis In my case, they end in good friends (98% of the time) and crazy scary (1% of the time). The other 1%? I'm waiting.

    Chris Watkins the sane is incredibly important. :)


    Sara Turk bah haha.. welcome to my world, Waylon..
    13 hours ago · LikeUnlike
    Holly Vanidevi Troy Waylon is still looking? aw. He seems sweet enough, though I do recall him mentioning in an article he wanted something like 7 or 13 kids or something . . .
    13 hours ago · UnlikeLike · 2
    Chris Courtney Please share this widely – this man needs help! :)
    13 hours ago · LikeUnlike
    Kate Fields Bartolotta His dog is pretty awesome. That should have been #1 on the list of qualifications.
    13 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1
    Tobye Hillier He's Buddhist and dresses to the right, that's all you need to know….
    13 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1
    Barbara Kirk How does one dress to the right?
    11 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1
    Mary Fitzsimons hes too picky! he wants a woman 10 yrs younger , pretty,good job(trust fund will do) and no previous kids.
    9 hours ago · LikeUnlike
    Tessa Marie Aqua Hi Waylon, Out of curiousity, is being a non-vegetarian a deal breaker? :)
    4 hours ago · LikeUnlike
    Christina Bouajila If the Buddha dated" is a great book for anyone dating,looking to read(o;
    3 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1
    Tobye Hillier It's an old tailoring term Barbara 😉

    Waylon Lewis Kate, it was! It was my only qualification.

  18. Carolyn says:

    Love this, Waylon! If only it were that easy, right? Makes me want to do a boyfriend one. See what I'm twirkin' with. Maybe you are on to something here., anyone?

  19. @maitrihouse says:

    What kind of benefits will I receive if I am accepted for the position? And how well do you tolerate sass? Ha ha ha.

  20. Jill says:

    dearest Waylon…if I was only 10 years younger and single…you are a gem and any girl would be lucky to have you…just remember to worship the goddess ! and maybe I need to send you Arielle Ford’s book Wabi Sabi Love!

    love your soul sister!


    PS–um maybe lose the Rocky video…us hip new age chicks want a lover not a fighter. 😉

  21. Bold move, Sir. I can only imagine what your inbox must look like right now. Side note: I can relate. Being a 39-year-old single/never-married/child-free woman is an interesting place to be.

  22. Alanna says:

    Waylon, If I was still a single woman I'd apply for the position! Alas, my Navy SEAL husband might not be so pleased. 😉 Seriously though, good for you for putting yourself out there with honesty and a well thought out understanding of what you are looking for.

    FYI, I personally love your writings and am consistently inspired/entertained/called out by them. You are a rare find. March on my friend!

  23. Lisa says:

    I'm a little disturbed by "beautiful", and coming from you I would never guess it could be…. shallow. Can you define what you mean by beautiful?

  24. Sagejessicamurphy says:

    I’m with Lisa though I am not “disturbed” by the comment- just curious what beautiful means to you. Your lists (both of them) are far too short but you sure did get some attention.

    Waylon, you are a silly goose.

  25. barb says:

    Just this evening a friend mentioned that love is like a fart, if you have to put too much effort into it… It's probably shit. It will come when it is time. Be patient, grasshopper.

  26. rjs12 says:

    You have got to be kidding…right? What are you offering her…someone who says he's a workalcoholic? Honey…wakeup…smell the roses. If you want that kind of woman…offer that kind of man in return! Like attracts like…make room in your life for beauty, love and joy. Be willing to nuture the relationship, and you will have the best love has to offer. (Loving advice from someone who really knows this stuff…a recovering workalcoholic.)

  27. Pooh…geography isn't helping me here! I'm in the UK? Plus as a fellow workaholic I'm not sure how we'd find the time to connect. Wishing you luck in your quest & hoping you find love…

  28. whereonearth07 says:

    I think you should actually make an application. Women love to talk about themselves, so if you have potential candidates write down their life histories, you can go on like 10 dates in one night without even leaving your laptop.

  29. brennagee says:

    You are brave and truthful. I too, have a penchant for spaciousness (see my blog – There is nothing sexier than an independent individual with deep-rooted passions. I am just starting on a path of freedom and independence but understand the real desire for a friend/companion, someone with to share the beauty of living. Peace to you. Enjoy the search.:)

  30. denjay says:

    you seem to have yourself…..isnt that enough?

  31. Mary says:

    the problem is that when you find one who meets you in spaciousness, it's a crapshoot who will be the one who first wants more proximity. Impermanence is the LAW.

    good try, though 😉

    whatever happens? I would encourage you to let go before you get there… Otherwise, it just gets more interesting!

  32. Orca JayP says:

    I signed up for an online dating sight for 3 months some time back. Most depressing stressful 3 months. And all I hear from people is that's the way to meet my man/match! Ugggg I dream of being out hiking, kayaking or at the dog park, doing what I enjoy and locking eyes with The One. My list is he should be easy to look at, not look like he is 6 mths pregnant, sane, loving, likes to putter in the garden, likes the outdoors and not looking for someone to do all his cooking and cleaning. Sounds simple….but not so easy.

  33. SNG says:

    I am very compassionate and understanding towards your role and impact within the community of journalism, yoga, Buddhism, social service work, etc. etc. With this being said, it is important that your time and energy are valued at all times.

    With this being said, I am curious as to whether there is a specific 'Girlfriend Application' or if you would like to receive personal resumes and cover letters stating our incredible past experiences while engaging in the roll of girlfriend. Along with this, of course, I am sure it is imperative to also provide an extensive cover letter as to why one might feel that they are the exact candidate you are looking due to similar interests, etc. Yes, I personally know that I am independent, hard-working, etc. and truly know I fit all of the qualifications for the job. As well as understand that I still need to remain confident and strong about receiving such a prominent and successful occupation.

    Please feel free to be as explicit as possible regarding how we can all best assist you in moving forward with the process that applying for this wonderful opportunity.

    Thank you very much for sharing your personal beliefs and knowledge about the never-ending roller-coaster that exists for us all due to relationships in all forms.

    Please let us know how one might best reach you in regards to such loving matters.

    It is very much appreciated and I personally look forward to applying for this wonderful experience.

  34. Melinda Matthews Melinda says:

    I think you may have inspired a new post for me about the whole relationship dynamic. Thanks!

  35. […] But that’s not vital to the kind of relationship I’m looking for. […]

  36. Katherine says:

    I always had a little crush on you since Wanderlust CO 2012. Just sayin'.

  37. Tricia says:

    The only problem I see (coming from the perspective of a couples therapist) is that no woman will enjoy, understand or tolerate being second and third to a laptop and a dog (hey! just saying, I love my pooches.) In general, we (speaking for womankind) like to feel valued, honored, beloved and adored. It's hard to be in second place to anything when we are in love, resentment grows and seeds of contempt grow. Balance and the middle path are also important constructs for relationships. May I suggest reviewing The Sound House diagram developed by Drs Gottman, it's a great (albeit ancient in terms of modern day info graphics) visual of how to make a relationship last. Wishing you luck in your quest.

  38. Serenity says:

    "I don’t want casual anything—it might sound fun, but what I really want is a friend. A match. A partner in my busy-ness, in my joy, in my sadness, in my dog hikes and morning meditation and lunches downtown.

    And, a partner in spaciousness."

    I know these feels all too well… blessings to you on your search.

  39. @JenDunn616 says:

    Ohhh the dilemma. I have been suffering from it for several years now: "We love our loving, but not like we love our freedom". The human need for companionship Vs. the desire to be free to do as we wish. Many people say that they want an independent partner, or that they would like a relationship with someone that understands their quirks, and their need for space, or for their passions/work. I agree this is a requirement of mine, as well. But, to be honest, I have found that I have been attracting commitment phobic people for the last eight years… so that probably means I am also afraid. I sense the same fear in you. You cannot deny that what we attract, or what we perceive in our lives, is a reflection of our innermost feelings. Is it that no one is good enough? Or, honestly, do you feel that YOU are not good enough? Or that you are afraid to make the jump, unless it is perfect, because it could lead to disastrous heartbreak-which is most likely one of the worst pains of the world.
    Even in this article, I can see the subtext that screams " I want you in my life, but only on my terms. I want you to be close and be there for me when I need you, but only then- and I may not be there for you because I am too "busy". Come close, so I can push you away". Trust me- I have dated different versions of you for a time now. But I am not criticizing you- because I feel that we attract certain people for a reason, and I do not blame anyone for my choices. I have seen many honest self-inquiries you have written about your issues with companionship. I applaud them, and I often relate to them. And I feel it is because we probably have the same issues. I find many people of our generation and of our age group have the same predicament. Maybe we are the first generation that dealt with divorce in mass numbers? Maybe we are just starting a new paradigm for relationships? I am not sure. After all of this fiddling around with commitment-phobes for years, trying to figure myself out after a nasty divorce and childhood, I figured out one thing, and Thich Nhat Hahn helped me with this: That when you truly love someone, you are PRESENT for them. You show up. You listen. You extend yourself, and yes, sometimes you put down your laptop and look your man/ woman straight in the face and simply say "I'm here- I'm listening- I will try to help". And you do this because relationships involve personal sacrifice. They are not a convenience. On a more grand scale, our personal relationships reflect our relationship with the world at large. Are we compassionate, giving, selfless (but not codependent)? Or do we retreat, seek isolation out of fear of pain-or fear of a mirror of ourselves? Often that retreat is necessary, but when you are struggling to form a relationship once again, and you can't- it's most likely you running from it or keeping it out. I can only speak my own truth, and this is what I have found. Good luck with your journey.

  40. Liz Spalding says:

    I am here

  41. Margot says:

    Is this job vacancy still available?
    Just wondering.

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