Step 1: Start as someone who loves with above-average intensity.
At some point between the Amazing and the Terrible in the shipwreck life stuck in your aorta, there’s a knock. You don’t recognize it at first, busy like you are, but oh-no, it’s Beauty! She’s here to interrupt all your patterns and she promises you won’t know what hit you.
And when you open the door, you think you’ve gone blind for a moment. You forget how to speak and you have to take a step back because they never taught you how to be both the Subject and the Object in your own sentences.
You can’t use any words because the moment you try, all language slips through your fingers like a universal soap bar. You’ve just been washed. You think you smell good but you’re not sure.
“Realize that day in the shower that the unmoving thing you’ve arrived at and the cosmic image that once drove you mad are one and the same. Realize that it’s just you, that all along it was just you and nothing more. Laugh at how stupidly obvious that seems now… Look at your reflection in the bathroom mirror and feel like you are seeing an old friend you haven’t seen in ages. Realize that after years of false hopes, you have finally arrived at something real, something that no one can ever take away from you.”
I used to ask children: What’s the meaning of life? —just for fun.
“It’s yellow,” said one little girl buried in freckles. Then I asked them if they felt old, you know, being five and charged with life. Not a single one ever said Yes or No. They just looked back at me puzzled and then burst into laughter.
A few days ago my usual Titanic ran into this little iceberg. It’s been ripping through me ever since, flooding all my compartments with a strange kind of water, a sort of amniotic fluid I could easily return to and even drown in at some point.
And be OK, but not OK, yet still OK.
Read the entire article here if you think you’ve lived enough and you’re ready to die now from a painful beauty overdose.
PS: You can unfasten your seat belt now.
“Your life has only just begun, and you have all the time in the world.”