My husband, who is an intelligent, conservative businessman with an Ivy-League degree and a way around a rifle from growing up in Montana, loves to tell people that his wife is a yoga instructor.
Right? Because the subtext is, “Woooo hoooo, you should see where she can put her legs.”
This goes over great at cocktail parties and recently at his high school reunion, until it turned out that just about everyone there was also a yoga instructor.
So when Alex Baldwin married his 28-year-old yoga instructor recently, I’m sure I heard the snickering all the way from New York. Come on people, he married her for her, um, brains? Why would a 54-year-old millionaire marry his yoga instructor? Because he can.
In reality, marrying your yoga instructor is not as sexy as you might think.
If you are currently dating your guru, here are some things you should be aware of before you say “I do.”
- >>It only sounds sexy to be able to put both feet behind your head. In reality, it’s kind of freaky.
- >>Yes, most yoga instructors are very flexible. However, they are probably inflexible about what you eat, if you can drink, and how often you should practice.
- >>Yoga instructors like to spend their vacation time at retreats, most of which are vegan. This was a shock to my husband who was looking for a single malt scotch to go with the buffet.
- >>Yoga instructors do often have a hot body. However, most teachers I know go to bed early to be up for morning meditation or practice. So that window of opportunity opens and closes pretty fast.
- >>Yoga instructors are cheap dates. My husband noted at one holiday party that every single yogini was drunk, probably because we are underfed and dehydrated. This was awesome, until my studio manager at the time walked right up to Mike, kissed him with tongue, then turned around and threw up. And you know I can’t make this stuff up.
- >>Yoga instructors are not known for their cleanliness. I often teach two classes in a row, then take one myself, and go to the grocery store looking like a drowned rat. My teenage son once told me that when I pick him up from school, I look like I just got off the pole.
So congratulations to Alec Baldwin from the Yogi Muse. May you both find happiness as you embark on your journey down a long and winding road, which I know you will enjoy in many positions—probably all before 9:00 p.m.
Editor: Kate Bartolotta
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July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. A Letter to my Children: You do not come from a Broken Home. Our Soulmates are Rarely Who We Expect. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. To the One Who Tried to Break Me. Mom, can I Call her Mom, Too? An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD. Jon Stewart makes first appearance since retiring—”it’s not your country.”