Are Boulder dogs to blame for destruction of habitat and conflict in the city?
City council convened last night into the wee hours of the morning to discuss how to best deal with Boulder’s cutest pest.
“Look, I understand the city needs to protect nature, but my dog has just as much right to eat and play as any other animal, wild or not.” Steve, a member of FODWERBE—Friends of Dogs Who Eat Rare Bird Eggs—was in attendance to advocate on behalf of his cohort.
“Rare bird eggs are Sparky’s favorite. He wouldn’t have his trademark glow without them.”
Boulder is home to some of the United State’s one percent remaining wetlands. The city has quarantined off an area with rare nesting birds, in order for them to establish habitat. Citizens have been unofficially, and kinda sorta officially asked to leash their companions in some areas. Or at least be able to demonstrate their dog can listen when called.
“Sparky is a great listener,” Steve began after a few shed tears. “He helped me through my extra-martial affair and the time my BMW was in the shop for a month. He knows when I mean business.”
But not everybody agreed.
Long-term dog hater, Mrs. Pimpleknicker, sees the issue quite differently.
A report from an avid bird watcher confirmed dogs running free of their owners through precious nature reserves—stopping only to demonically laugh and wink over a shoulder at their owner.
City council is still out on the decision, but is accepting bribes.
(The issue is real. The quotes, and people, however, have been fabricated.)
Editor: Brianna Bemel