The Present F*cking Moment.

Via on Nov 16, 2012

War of the Roses

Who else is sick of hearing about the fucking “present moment”?

Don’t get me wrong—I loved Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power of Now just as much as the next “un-present” person. But let’s be real.

When you’ve been dumped, or you’re still trying to get over your ex, staying present in the present moment is about as realistic as seeing a flying pony.

It’s not going to happen. Ponies don’t fly, and your ex isn’t going to fly back into your arms either.

So here you are, in the painful fucking present moment, with everything but this very moment on your mind. Instead, you’re thinking about every past present moment that you had with your ex. Obsessing over what you could have said or done differently in that particular moment to change the painful reality of your current one.

To make matters worse, you’re also anxiety ridden about all of your future present moments—where you’ll end up, who you’ll end up being with and how the hell you’ll ever be happy again without your ex.

Sound familiar?

So, how the hell do you stay present in this present moment when you wish it had never come to begin with?

Today I’ve been thinking about how to stay present in the present moment, because I’m having difficulty with it myself. For reason I can’t completely explain, I’ve been riddled with regret about the past and overridden with anxiety about the future.

Everywhere I’ve been turning lately, I’ve seen something other than the present moment. Instead, I’ve seen the painful fucking past and the unknown fucking future.

Which is why lately I’ve hated the fucking present moment and all the advice out there about why you should stay present in it.

But then, this morning, it started to snow. I realized that the present moment was changing, regardless of whether or not I was in it. Which, surprisingly, gave me a little bit of hope.

Now this doesn’t change my opinion about the difficulty in staying in the present moment when your heart is broken, however. Like I said earlier, staying in the present moment when you’re going through a breakup or still trying to get over your ex, is about as realistic as seeing a flying pony. I may have seen it snow today, but chances are, I won’t be seeing a flying pony soaring through it.

I’m not going to be one of those people who tells you to try to stay in the present moment when you’re going through a breakup or still dealing with a broken heart.

Watching it snow and realizing that I’d been a zombie walking around everywhere but in my own present moment, made me realize what is actually important about the present moment when you’re going through a breakup. What’s important isn’t trying to stay present in it.

Instead, what you should be doing, is letting go of your painful past.

What you should be doing, is creating hope for your unavoidable pending future.

What you should be doing is not pressuring yourself so much to stay present in the present moment, and instead, stay present in the fact that your life is unfolding just the way that it should be.

So, seeing the snow this morning helped pull me back into the present moment long enough to write this article for you. It also reminded me that I’ve already created a way to let go of my past and trust that my life is unfolding just the way that it should be.

When my mind gets sucked into the regretful past, or wonders too far forward into the fearful future, I’ve created a list of mantras to pull me back into the present moment and out of my regret, fear and worry.

Fuck the present moment. It’s changing, regardless of whether you’re presently in it.

So when you’re going through a breakup, stop exhausting yourself with trying to stay present in the moment. Instead, have faith that your life is unfolding just the way that it should be. Once you learn to let go of the past and have faith in the future, the present moment won’t be so fucking bad after all.



Editor: ShaMecha Simms

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About Ellen Smoak

Ellen Smoak is the internationally acclaimed Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of "Breakups Are A Bitch, But Getting Over Him Doesn’t Have To Be!". A professional dating and relationship coach by day and fun-loving dating diva by night, Ellen offers love advice and coaching for thousands of men and women around the world on her website and through her proven coaching programs. After surviving a breakup with her ex-fiance of 5 years, Ellen realized that her sense of self-worth and self-love were suffering. She promptly developed a plan to mend a broken heart and heal herself from the inside out, which she turned into a revolutionary downloadable system. To get Ellen's free video series "How to Beat Your Broken Heart BEFORE it Beats YOU" click here.


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5 Responses to “The Present F*cking Moment.”

  1. It's hard to be present but there is more peace there instead of wallowing in the shit of the past & anxiety of the future. There is also a lot to be said about not just stuffing the pain, but dealing with it & healing from it. Which is why I go to therapy every damn week. Proud of you, Ellen. xoxo

  2. [...] you do, you’re probably amazed by the unusual feeling of calm or the feeling of being in the present, a present we seldom allow ourselves [...]

  3. [...] “It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time.” [...]

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