She told me to write just one paragraph as she walked out the door.
“Ha, not possible” I rebutted. She said “then write one paragraph” and then she closed the door.
Why is it so hard to sit down in the writing nook I created in the haven that is my bedroom and create the biggest thing that makes me feel truly alive inside?
Writing is the one thing that makes me scream: hey, look at me! Read me! I’m so much more than you see. I am what you are if you just take the time to read. You will know me and in turn, you will know a new part of you. I will help you see what is inside of me…and inside of you.
When I write a feeling creeps inside me, then the butterflies enter my stomach and it’s almost as if I can feel the dopamine firing in my brain. It feels like the fire inside me travels from the base of my spine, into my stomach, swirling and twirling around as it travels to my heart and suddenly my heart sings. It’s like it has wings. Like the birds upon the morning light, I sing inside.
Through my heart the words travel until they swim through my veins and bleed through my fingertips. It’s as if every molecule in my body comes alive and I am awake in a way I do not know otherwise. The words of my heart sing through my fingertips and even though I can’t see my eyes, I can feel the sparkle that resides in them as I write.
It is overcoming, the feeling that I get when inspiration hits me. Like all time and space stops and the only thing that exists are words that bleed from my fingertips.
Although it is likely that you have heard words of this sort before, for me it feels like the first time these words have been shared. My hope is that you will feel it too when you read what I have written.
They are the words of my soul and my soul is your soul.
You see, when I speak of what makes me feel alive, it will likely wake something up inside you.
You may ask yourself, “What is it that makes me feel alive?” Can you see it? Can you feel it? What is it?
Whatever it is, go do it, I promise you won’t regret it.
But what you will regret is not doing what makes you feel alive.
My friend woke me up inside tonight. This was not the first time we discussed or rather I discussed and she listened, about how I am wasting my gift, my talent, by not writing. I see it. I feel it everyday. Yet still there is some innate resistance to it, like it’s something hard to do or some menial task that I try to avoid. Yet when I sit down in my writing nook and open the vein and let it bleed, it bleeds so good. I have all these projects and ideas for books yet I feel most satisfied when I simply let it bleed. I’m not trying to tell a story, but rather, I am telling the story of my soul, which is your soul. When I come to the blank page without an agenda is when it leaks out of my soul and onto the page, where my heart is raw, unscathed and protected by the screen that shields me from the judgements of others.
So, on a night such as this, with a full moon shining through the night sky and the stars shimmering with just the right glint of light, I write.
I write because it feels good, I write because I can. Situated in the little corner of my bedroom designated for this, in my second hand consignment shop chair, no light except the faint light from my closet and music that reminds me of nothing but my writing nook, I write.
I write because it makes me feel alive.
I write because it is the one place I feel unadulterated in my expression and unattached to the outcome.
I write because when I write, I can feel the life energy pulsing through my veins.
I write because I cannot do without it even though I avoid it at all costs. And tonight when I lay down to rest, I will feel like I lived a little bit more because I wrote. I will sleep with sheer satisfaction for the blood that I released from my veins and onto the page. I will sleep knowing that the answer is within me.
All that I long to see, is within me.
By sharing what is within me, you will find what is within you. Writing is where I find my moksha. I write because by writing I find my emotional liberation and that is worth more than any denomination.
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