I stumbled upon these Youtube clips the other day and I was absolutely fascinated to watch what happens when strangers are approached for sex.
There is a striking contrast between an attractive man asking women for sex…
And an attractive woman asking men for sex.
I feel somewhat confused by this whole sex thing.
There are many factors at work here. I question if our access to a genuine authentic response is even available, and what would it look like if it was?
Our personalities and all the decisions that move and motivate us are made up from several sources: biological, familial, personal, cultural and higher agency.
The combination of all of these, and their healthy and unhealthy variations, are going to make up our expression —which, for me, as I continue to question and unravel it, is a confusing mess. In the midst of all of that … what is “me” and what do I really want?
In the first clip when the man is asking women for sex, some of the things I imagine going through the women’s heads are:
Biological: “Is my safety at risk?”; “am I resourced enough to be pregnant?”; “will this guy protect and provide for me and the child?”
Familial: “It’s not right to have sex with strangers.”
Personal: “I don’t know anything about him”; “what would he think about me if I did?”; “does he fit what I’m wanting/looking for in a guy?”; “would he stay around/call me after for as long as I needed?”
Cultural: “Girls who have sex that easily are sluts”; “what would my friends/family/colleagues/etc think of me?”
Higher agency: “Sex is an act of love between people who care deeply about one another.”
There are probably a lot more things at play here, and as a man I can only speculate. I imagine the majority of the responses were based from a biological and cultural response, yet I also hope there was a fair share of something higher involved too.
I am also completely willing to be told I’m wrong about all of this or have the list refined—female bloggers, please elucidate and elaborate a response!
The salient points, I believe, for a woman are the consideration of the repercussions in terms of personal safety and cultural reputation. There is a whole range of other videos by the same people who instead of sex, seek out phone numbers. The receptivity of women to giving out a phone number was considerably high, enough that it amazed me.
Out of 100 women approached for sex, not a single one responded in the affirmative. For the men, however, more than 50% were ready to go right then and there. Somehow neither of these scenarios are a surprise to me, and yet there is something unsettling by the ease with which men are DTF (down to fuck).
As a man, my speculations as to the inner workings are a little more valid.
Here are some of the things that might go through my mind if I was approached randomly for sex by an attractive woman:
Biological: “Yes, plant seed.”
Familial: “Treat her with respect, don’t harm her.”
Personal: “I’m sexually attractive, I’m validated”, “is she hot enough/do I like her?”, “what’s the catch/is this a scam?”
Cultural: “This would make a great story to tell my friends”, “I’m a stud, I have value.”
Higher agency: “Sex leaves energetic imprints on my being and is much better left for someone I love and wish to share a closer intimate connection with.”
Even though I aim to come from my higher self as much as is possible, I still notice a pull in my body towards accepting when I imagine this scenario play out in my mind.
It makes sense when my biology seems geared towards procreation without much need to consider long term consequences (I could potentially be attacked while in the act, yet if I’m quick enough about it that threat is reduced). Add to that growing up with a large portion of my value being placed on the attention I received, or didn’t receive, from women, embedded within a culture that congratulates mens ability to “score” whenever we can.
It’s a can of worms, to say the least.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editorial Assistant: Guenevere Neufeld / Editor: Cat Beekmans