“Scars show us where we have been, they do not dictate where we are going.” ~ David Rossi
To my flawed, dark and scar ridden lover—it’s not despite these aspects of your past that I want you, it’s because of them.
I know that in love, especially in the beginning, we often hide the parts of ourselves that aren’t shinny and new, but this isn’t what I want from our beginning.
I want to see your flaws laid out as misshapen pearls from the bottom of the dark and stormy sea, because even if they aren’t perfect, they still are valuable.
I want to see the parts of you, that in your eyes, make you less of a man, because it is these very qualities that have formed you into the amazing conscious and authentic person who you are.
But, most importantly, I want to see your scars.
The parts of yourself that were ripped open—the places where you bled lessons of love and pain.
Because it doesn’t much matter that you were wounded at one point, but how you have since healed, becoming stronger and wiser than you were before.
“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” ~ Leonard Cohen
The thing is though, our scars may define who we were, but they don’t determine who we will become.
You have lived an entire life, before you stepped to my door with your gleaming eyes and shaking heart—I want to read every part of your story.
Especially the parts of your past that are dusty and ill-written, because only in learning about someone’s mistakes can we truly appreciate the lessons gathered there.
I don’t think that it is only our light that makes us most lovable, but also our darkness and the parts of ourselves that we hide from most, thinking that we are alone.
But, lover, you are not alone.
While my wounds may have healed, some heavy and irregular, I am marked with the scars of my choices.
Not all of my decisions have been the right one or ones that I would make again, but regardless, I am the woman who I am today because of each and every place where I have bled from.
Just as you are.
When the time is right, I would like to strip you down and kiss each and every scar, breathing light and love into all of those places that have only ever caused you pain.
And though I can love you deeply, the truth is that I cannot fix you.
That is why I value your healed scars even more, because you aren’t looking for someone to mend what only you yourself can fix.
But, I can appreciate the marks of honor where your scars decorate your heart and your humble soul.
I know that you hang your head at times, blind with the darkness of bad decisions and the fog thick with the pain they have caused.
I am not interested so much in your regrets, but in your choice to move forward.
Because I believe that a man who has picked himself up off the dusty floor of his own doing, is also a man who values when a woman has done the same.
And while I have always had good intentions, I haven’t always seen clearly through my own truth and so I know what it is means to be lost to the light.
I wish that I could tell you that I will be your luminosity beckoning you to do right on even the darkest of nights, but the truth is, it is a duty that we must share together.
Because even the brightest lights flicker and go out at times, and while we only are ever responsible for our own—it helps to have someone around believing in us while we fix what we broke.
I don’t have any use for perfection.
And the reality is, I’ve always appreciated antiques with their marks of honor and the stories that they hold, over the new and picture-perfect.
I don’t want us to hide who we really are from one another.
In reality, it was our bare naked honest souls that called to one another, not the masks we wear for everyone else’s comfort.
I know that it won’t be easy laying it all out, because then what will we have to hide behind when the going gets tough?
But darling that is the whole point, because the lover who accepts all of us is also the one who will know why we do each and every thing we do.
And it will be without judgement or recourse, but also without backing away or giving an easy way out of a difficult situation.
My past loves always made it easy to run away under the pretense of their false assumptions.
But when we call each other’s bluff, we realize who is left standing.
Maybe it does take someone with scars to be able to see the beauty in another’s.
I know that our love may not always be easy, but that doesn’t mean that it will always be difficult either.
It simply means that we are choosing to come together, not under false pretenses of flawlessness, but because of our shared realness and battle wounds.
When I say that I want your ugly, it is because through your honesty that I have found your true beauty.
When I say that I want your darkness, it’s because that is where I know I can sleep safe by your side.
And when I say that I want your scars, it is because you are a stronger man than ever before.
Because, lover in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t love you for the man who I think you are, or even the man that I want you to be, but for the man who you actually are.
Scars and all.
Author: Kate Rose
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock
Photo: flickr/Milo Milosevic
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July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. How to Love a Woman who Scares You. Our Soulmates are Rarely Who We Expect. I Still Think of You. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. To the One Who Tried to Break Me. An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD. A Letter to my Children: You do not come from a Broken Home.