Dating a Yoga Goddess.

Via Alex Smith
on Aug 4, 2010
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Via the lovely, feisty Holly Westergren and our friends over at Sir Richard’s:

Okay boys, gentlemen, not-so-gentle men, knights in shining armor, pimps and playas…

You’ve see us in the gym, in yoga studios, in magazines or on TV. Maybe you’ve even taken our classes—we yoginis, the flexible dare-devils on a spiritual mission who seem to float around the world so freely. We’re a different breed. Most of us are born travelers, nomads even. Most of us don’t like societal rules and conventions. And most of us don’t adhere to them and have dedicated our lives to living outside boxes in some way or another.

This is a beautiful thing that many men find intoxicating and exhilarating— until they realize that it also scares the shit out of them. This is true especially for the kind who look good in ties.

For the multi-talented beautiful Yoga Goddess, finding a life partner who is traveling down the same road or wants to walk hand-in-hand with a Yoga Goddess on her journey is much more difficult for her than any forearm balance. Yoga Goddess, more specifically, a woman from a Western civilization who teaches yoga for a living, especially in a metropolis of some kind, is a complicated creature who has elected to remove her Western goggles and instead apply and be guided by Eastern philosophies and practices of self-actualization.

This makes her an intriguing and complicated creature to most men, but I assure you, she is not entirely inscrutable. You have only to understand that underneath her yogi persona, your Yoga Goddess was probably fed fairy tales for most of her life, where damsels in distress waited to be rescued by the Prince. Now she is grown up and she is a Yoga Goddess, a yogi who has discovered her dharma ( this is the Sanskrit word for one’s “virtuous path”) and a devotion to God which has eased her existential distress but probably not completely relieved her of the distress of the romantic variety.

A Yoga Goddess can appear to many like an untouchable, statuesque, ephemeral, mystical, zany, Aphrodite-esque theatrical mess on wheels. To many men, she is bewitching and beguiling, she can unsettle you with her eyes and bring you to tears when you least expect it. A Yoga Goddess can see souls. She knows how to make you feel things you may not want to feel, which leaves many men feeling too vulnerable in her presence to ever feel good enough. Know that the Yoga Goddess of your dreams is not out to emasculate you but that it is her wish and it is within her power simply to help you open your heart. Sometimes, a Yoga Goddess forgets her own power and forgets too that a man might not want the woman he is pursing to have that effect on him. Know that she knows this but can’t always help it. Her soul work goes deep. The tricky part is, as a highly sensitive healer and woman with deep compassion for human suffering, she no doubt has walls of her own that you will have to be willing to tear down for her to feel safe enough to let you in. Therein lies her beautiful complexity.

So, here are some essential things you should know before you set out to win the heart of a Yoga Goddess of your dreams:

1) Get over the fact that a Yoga Goddess is probably someone who is a little bit dangerous to take home to meet your mother.

It occurred to me recently that this picture alone might actually have been why my last relationship didn’t work. If you want your Yoga Goddess for your very own, you must grow up and get over needing your mother’s approval. Yoginis are sparkling, creative, charming, intelligent, beautiful, sexy, highly intuitive and charismatic women who your mother might not love at first and will come to love eventually. But we’re also wild and free-spirited, with a lotta bit of hippie hell-raiser on the inside, which has the potential to feel threatening to many mothers who just want their son to settle down with a nice girl who won’t make too many waves. The good thing is that these qualities are usually countered with equal parts compassion, faith, and altruism. Yoginis also have chameleon qualities, so it is possible that your Yoga Goddess might be willing to dim her light for a meeting with the parents, but do not be surprised if your beloved Mumsy gives her the snake eye for reasons you cannot and will not ever understand. It’s a witchy woman thing.

2) Yoga Goddesses don’t do small talk.

Yoga goddesses usually cut the shit and get to the stuff that matters. Questions like, “What do you feel? Where do you feel it? What do you believe? Have you surrendered?” are a Yogi Goddess’s version of small talk. A woman who has chosen a spiritual path and dedicates her life’s work to helping people unify their mind, body, and spirit in profound and transformative ways is just not very good at shooting the shit with strangers and will tend to fire away questions that get right to the heart of the matter. If you need her to tone down the yoga talk, simply brief her before dinner with your boss. You can take her to work functions and she will do just fine for a while, but you might hear her take very deep loud audible breaths throughout the course of the night to manage her sensitivity to the noise and heavy lifting of bullshitting. Keep in mind, in her line of work, she meets people for the first time on the floor in sweatpants, and spends her days reading about God and breathing. So, don’t be surprised if she might need to go and do a headstand in the corner after a few vodka tonics to handle the change of scenery and relax her face from all the fake smiling.

3) Yoga Goddesses consistently crave and create adventure for themselves and others.

Yogis by nature are adventurous so if you’re not willing to be adventurous, in all kinds of ways, if you need to play it safe because you’re afraid of what people will think, then the Yoga Goddess is not for you and she probably won’t date you anyway. For the Yoga Goddess, it is not enough to simply like the idea of adventure. She will test your strength, she will keep you on your toes, she will love it if you surprise her just as much as she surprises you. If you’re a stable, steady kind of man, she will love you for your groundedness but ask you to abandon it on occasion in the name of faith, courage, and wisdom. That’s just how it goes. One of the most romantic things you can do for a Yoga Goddess is to plan a trip for the two of you and surprise her with it. She is used to taking the lead with plans and orchestrating events. To be cared for in this way is a Yogi Goddesses’s dream. And yes, the adventure extends to the bedroom, naturally. Don’t be scared. Yoga Goddesses are very gifted and patient teachers and healers.

4) A Yoga Goddess will turn your world upside down.

If you fall for a Yoga Goddess, it is very likely that she will very gracefully turn your buttoned-up world upside down. Afterall, she has been called to teach people to see things from another perspective, to look at things differently, to encourage people to challenge their ideas about who they are and what their lives should look like. This is probably why many men will date Yoga Goddesses for a time but never marry them. The potential for change is too great for many men who are intrigued by the possibility of being with someone so free-spirited but who are ultimately uncomfortable with what life might look like with someone who is so comfortable with uncertainly, so in tune with and guided by spirit. Someone who possesses an ardent faith in things unseen can feel too intense for someone who is not prepared or interested in a spiritual journey. So, while your Yoga Goddess can be playful and fun-loving, she takes her life, her vocation and her spiritual path very seriously. A man who earns a Yoga Goddess’s love must respect and admire her work, understand its value to humanity.

5) Yoga Goddesses are mysterious.

Yoga Goddesses do not go out of their way to be mysterious, they just are, simply because they have surrendered to the mysteries of life, have given up searching for answers for why things are and very comfortable living the the gray areas of life. If you are a rigid thinker, the Yoga Goddess is not for you. She is a free-thinker, open-minded and open-hearted. She prizes authenticity over knowledge and accomplishment and leans into the mystery of life at every turn. In my experience, this terrifies and confuses many men. Yoga Goddesses are not good planners since they are usually out doing God’s work, will entertain detours if led by spirit to go left instead of right or to be late for an appointment because of a chance encounter with a mystical stranger who seems to have an important message for her. She will require your trust and patience and she will return the favor tenfold. If she keeps you waiting, chances are she will have a magical reason for it, a wonderful story that keeps your faith in things unseen alive. She’ll tell you about it while giving you some kind of exotic massage. She cannot be rushed. And she will not let anyone else set her pace for her.

6) A Yoga Goddess is the hostess with the mostest.

She will cook you things to balance your doshas and if you don’t know what those are, she will help you identify them. She will play amazing music from all over the world that will transport you into other galaxies. She will know what to do with your body in many situations as well as what kind of oils to rub on it and where to make you feel like the God you are. She will create a house of harmony, health, balance. She will want to care for your mind, body, and spirit. She can’t help it. It’s her job.

7) A Yoga Goddess is still a material girl.

A Yoga Goddess is not immune to desires of the flesh. Though she has probably made the decision, at certain points in her life to disengage from the material world as part of her spiritual training, she does still enjoy earthly comforts like jewels and fancy dinners and unexpected trips to exotic locales. And she is still a girl looking for a boy to love her, honor her, and ravish her.

8 ) A Yoga Goddess cherishes her freedom and yours.

The yogic path is often called the quest for the jivan mukti, or the soul’s liberation. A woman who is on a yogic path understands that souls want what souls want and that a relationship is meant to be a place where those desires can be expressed without shame or guilt. This can make her seem like she has the potential to be so free-spirited that she just wants to be free-wheelin’, free-loadin’ and free-lovin’ her way around the world. Not so. A yogic-minded woman simply understands for herself that we are all here to be each other’s teachers and students and that there is no better place for the expression of that dynamic than in a loving partnership.

Read on for 9 and 10 over at the Sir Richard’s Salon.


About Alex Smith

Alex Smith first learned asana from an 80-year-old man under a banyan tree in India and never looked back. She teaches a breath and alignment centric vinyasa flow and is grateful each and everyday for her practice. When off the mat, she can be found writing, daydreaming, drifting down the med school path, and busting out ujjayi breaths on her bike, buses and mountain tops.


240 Responses to “Dating a Yoga Goddess.”

  1. […] favorite comment on the Elephant Journal galaxy in response to my article Guide to Dating a Yoga Goddess: Damsels, Dharma, and Distress is by far, “ I would sooner hug a cactus than date […]

  2. […] to Connecting with a Yoga Goddess: The Next Position. This is a followup to Dating a Yoga Goddess, also by the lovely, feisty Holly Westergren and via friends over at Sir Richard’s […]

  3. […] I laughed out loud when I read Alex Smith’s funny (and, at certain points, dead-on) article, Dating a Yoga Goddess. Ah, yes, friend/mate/partner/family member beware: we yoga folk can be a bit […]

  4. bruce says:

    People who date yoga goddesses should regularly get themselves checked for STDs.

  5. Erin says:

    I guess I should get my dharma on and start making more serious inroads in this realm…. This is me to a T…..

  6. funnygirl says:

    Gawd I hate this article. Why oh Why do you keep posting it?

  7. blue13matt says:

    it pleases me to see this new community i've joined largely recognizes the fallacy (if i weren't so kind, i'd say garbage) in an article like this. referring to oneself as a "yoga goddess" (as previously pointed out by several posters) is rife with egotism and self-absorption. it's the exact OPPOSITE of selfless pursuit of our universal connectivity.

    the yoga instructor i envision cherishes philosophical gems like compassion, moderation and humility – NONE OF WHICH has anything to do with social facades or materialism as described in this article. if what she describes IS what our young western yoga practitioners are like – they're all missing the point ENTIRELY.

    gosh, i'm NEVER this critical. i feel like an a-hole, but i think the author meant what dating a stripper is like.

  8. Jason Gan says:

    When yoga enters the limelight of popular culture, it is not far-fetched to expect a fluff piece that mixes yoga with romance. It is total fantasy. Hilarity ensues.

  9. […] Shanti shanti shanti: If a yogi is really carried away with himself he might say goodbye to you with, “Shanti shanti shanti.” Basically he’s saying “Peace out.” Pretend not to hear him and keep walking out the door. If it’s a female yogi walk even faster because she probably considers herself a “Yoga Goddess.” […]

  10. Rebecca says:

    Whether this is true or not, I think my man just appreciates the fact that yoga makes me insanely flexible :0)

  11. […] I see Nataraja’s cosmic dance in every snow storm, and truly consider every woman I meet a goddess. Over the past couple of years I have realized it is something I both have and need. I have been […]

  12. Dylan says:

    I dunno…there's lots of women running around on Planet Yoga using this Goddess Tag to justify a TON of selfish, manipulative, immature, wounding behavior. They're like Man-Hating Butch "Feminists"….only they look real sexy and act like strippers in many ways. In fact, many of them have worked as strippers. And know all the tricks. I say this as a lover of Women. And Yoga. And Truth. Who has been personally wounded deeply by this type of woman and their behavior. I think it's enough for a man to be a man. And a woman to be a woman. And that involves respecting self and others. And keeping most of the Wild Shit in the bedroom. Word. Peace.

  13. I dated a yoga goddess. Then married her. And its worth it.

  14. Emily says:

    True all this sista spread the god/goddess love to all

  15. Emily says:

    Also the picture is WINNING!

  16. Jacques Pollard says:

    This is almost totally offensively obtuse. There is nothing wrong with being open minded and exploring, but acting juvenile as described in many places in this article is inexcusable.

    I have practiced yoga twenty years before it became trendy in America, and have dated people who practice. Some knew how to act according to context and some did not. It really had nothing to do with their pursuit of knowledge spiritual or otherwise, but their personal level of maturity and awareness of surroundings as well as oneself.

    Time to grow up little princess.

  17. flippadydoo says:

    i'd say what a load of shite but most people beat me to it 🙂

  18. ANGELA MUNOZ says:

    this is aaamazing =D … thank you YOGI GODDESS X BRINGING MORE LIGHT INTO THE WORLD !!!

  19. livinginyogadise says:

    I love this article 🙂

  20. lol says:

    lmao rofl.

  21. Leah says:

    I love love love your comment!!
    I am a chick and I do yoga but honestly a "yoga goddess" I will never be, ever!

  22. Amazing entry girly :o) I am a yoga instructor that owns my own business (so add warrior /amazon to the yoga goddess title and you have "The Tini Yogini") so I find a lot of scared/shy/nervous/adorable men in my dust :o( Even the hippy boys without shoes or ties tend to bow at the first glimmer of mysticism :o) I need to print this out and take this to all my dates with me :o)

  23. […] in Sanskrit means “goddess” or “female power,” and the “Akhilanda” means essentially “never not broken.” In […]

  24. yogini786 says:

    i love this article because there are so many things i can relate to, but as a teacher of gender studies and an aspiring yogini, i must say sometimes we get too caught up in our gender role and the gender performance we are all a part of. this is the life we are in now, in a woman's body, but i do believe our souls are genderless…and yoga, prayer, my spiritual path all connect me to the formless form of me and allow me to discard a lot of fears that are based on my socialization as a woman.

  25. […] NOTA BENE: My humble apologies first to my Creator in Heaven and next to you, dear readers, for that collosal piece of crap article I penned called Guide to Dating a Yoga Goddess: Damsels, Dharma, & Distress. […]

  26. lynseydyer says:


  27. […] of the most hateful comments I’ve ever read have been right here on elephant. Oh say, here, here and here. Well I’m gonna call bulls%^t on all of that right […]

  28. Yogini5 says:

    This New York City-ite concurs. I never experienced yoga class in a small town, BUT I did take a yoga class 20 years ago.
    I'm not so sure small towns have changed as rapidly in the direction of making yoga a "scene" as much as it is over here.

  29. Yogini5 says:

    Not so. There are young wannabes who act this way too.

  30. Yogini5 says:

    Yes, they should all try to stay goddesses and not age.

  31. carlos says:

    I personally think the whole Goddess thing is a load of crap. I can read Goddess cards, does that make me a goddess?
    Dust particles glowing in a camera flash means spirits are hanging around?

    It's like being organic means knowing which store in which to buy organic food, not knowing a thing about how to even germinate a seed.
    Most of these goddess types I know are still trying to read these cards to pick the right dude, figure out why the one they have is such and asshole or why the divorce is going so badly? Then they take another hit, have another drink and pull another card…….
    Yup, you guess it, I fell in love with one once. Turned out, she was only interested in spreading the love…..around and around.

  32. […] in Sanskrit means “goddess” or “female power,” and the “Akhilanda” means essentially “never not broken.” In […]

  33. serabelle says:

    Embarrassing from someone who purports to practice yoga, the goal of which is to become less ego -identified. The person who wrote this is obviously playing a game; likes the "look" of the spiritual path but has no authentic concept of what it means. May she find peace.

  34. Jeremy Meyers says:

    So Yoga Goddesses are the new Manic Pixie Dream Girls? (look it up, I'll wait.)

  35. Peter says:

    So special, these yoga goddesses. So better than all others. So attached to their specialness. This is so very, very ridiculous. Get over yourself "Yoga Goddess." You have turned a path towards transcendence of limitation to one more limitation. You're just an ass like everybody else. Stop feeding that swollen, so very special ego. Spiritual materialism at its best!

  36. Peter says:

    Blake, great response. At least the demons keep you honest!

  37. Joshua Eaton says:

    A Yoga Goddess sounds a lot like an ordinary sentient being who is attached to pleasure, adverse to pain, and ignorant of the true nature of reality. That's true of me, as well, but let's all just be honest about it.

  38. Yogini5 says:

    In my day they were just called the perky ingenue ….

  39. Supriya says:

    Hello! Thank you for writing such a complimentary piece – it hit home for me.
    By the way here is my facebook group "I am a Goddess". Please do us god/goddesses the honour and join.

    Much love and light & god/dess power.

    ps. in a relationship thinga-majig myself being a yogin goddess.

  40. Marta says:

    I felt like I could relate to every single black ink letter written!!!!

  41. elephantjournal says:

    Love that: "Don't wait for life to look like the movies. Start writing your story. Start where you are. You don't need anything."

    Thanks! ~ Waylon

  42. Meindabindi says:

    Oooohhhh noooooo, not another plastic yogini-doll performing the ever-popular Head Up Her Ass-ana! This is so bad it’s good. What we really need now is for someone–man or woman–to write a piece about how to get away from these posers, though it should be pretty obvious. When she floats up on a cloud of patchouli and whispers, “Have you surrendered?” yell, “Hell no!” and run. You’ll save yourself the cost of all those "jewels, fancy dinners and surprise trips to exotic locales" and most importantly, from having to listen to her chant her mantra day and night, "Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me. . ."

  43. Susi says:

    Hahaha…also, ewhhh…does this woman have some kind of personality disorder or what?

  44. Betty says:


  45. Ron Dean says:

    I think the Yoga Goddess forgot to mention that Yoga Goddesses are narcissistic, self-absorbed, and full of themselves.

  46. Yogini5 says:

    A Yoga Goddess is a mere mortal, flesh and blood human being without YOUR worship … so, what say, we decide what entity we will worship and not this solipsistic construct that doesn't mean anything …

    yes … step away from the altar … there will be no false idols …

  47. […] sport the occasional bling; we are here in human form ya know. (read the ragging debate about the Yoga Goddess) Once you’ve done the above, now go show your girlfriends some love. Check out […]