October 19, 2011

A Mingling of Exquisite Sex and Divine Writing. ~ Brenda Golbus

The lusty photo drew me in first with its tasteful blending of eroticism and artistry.

Next, the word exquisite made eye contact and winked at me. Alluring, but ultimately it was heightened curiosity that led to the intense pleasure of reading the Exquisite Lover series in the elephant journal by Jack of F*cking in Brooklyn. Jack’s lascivious and pleasingly poetic words tell the tale of three elements working together to achieve toe-curling intimacy. The main characters: Passion, Technique and Resonance are developed and explored in depth. Their roles inextricably connected.

As I pondered Jack’s passion trio, I found myself nodding in agreement and whispering under my breath, Yes! Completely enamored with this recipe for body and soul blending, my mind opened and allowed associations to form between the art of lovemaking and the art of creating.

As writing is my closest creative relationship, the connections were easiest to elicit from the world of words.

You Can’t Fake Passion

The first element necessary for mind-blowing sex and meaningful writing is passion. Passion is unbridled enthusiasm for an act, person or object. There is no reigning in passion. It’s raw and real and keeps you up at night in a good way.

Sexually, passion fuels desire for your partner. It’s that carnal feeling of extreme attraction that originates in your molecules. It’s primal and involuntary. Passion is hard full-mouth kisses interrupted by playful teasing ones. It’s bar fights, butterflies in the stomach and hastily removed clothing. It’s a mutual longing for the act of copulation itself; a hunger that must be fed. Passion is losing your mind. During the peak of physical intimacy, passion and pleasure fuse two beings to the point of forgetting everything else.

Passion in writing manifests as ideas in the middle of the night that must be written down. As a fire in the soul that can only be extinguished by expression and sharing. Passionate writing is unstoppable. It will see the light of day or it will consume the creator. There must be passion in order to push the writer to truth and vulnerability. Passion and vulnerability inspire and move readers to explore their own depths. Passionate writing ignites the writer and the reader, commanding intense, unwavering, focus.

Release Through Ability

Technique is the craft of carrying out the business, the medium for expressing passion. Are you a refined lover or a skilled writer? Do not assume you are at the top of your game just because you have been doing it a long time. The ones with the most intriguing ability are forever learning.

Sexual prowess is attractive. Confidence is attractive. Fumbling around can be cute in an, Aww she/he’s so innocent and nervous way, but only until it becomes distracting. Those new to sex or taking on a new partner, don’t despair. You are a glorious blank slate, open to suggestions and the mysteries of intercourse. Even the most skilled lovemaking can be reduced to the excitement of a pelvic exam if the technique is the same time after time. Relying on tried and true technique can go one of two ways. One, it can diminish creativity by lack of variety. Two, it can elevate the sexual experience because mastery eliminates over-thinking, leaving the partners free to feel and be. Bottom line, technique matters and must be perpetually refined. Skills must be shared and practiced with fresh enthusiasm in order to encourage spontaneity and sexual evolution.

In writing, honing your craft is essential. Writing classes help. Feedback from readers and friends helps. Writers have an insatiable desire to turn words into jewels. That doesn’t happen solely through passion. There must be experimentation and practice with technique. Most writers are also big readers. Why? Because they want to be entertained and educated by others in the field. They want to see what works for them and see if they can emulate the trick. They get ideas and put them into practice. Write, write, write and then write some more. Like rote sex, it is tempting to stick with a writing style that has been successful in the past, but creativity perishes in routine. In order to express in an inspiring, illuminating way, writers must practice, explore and be open to new methods.

Soul Deep Connection

Resonating with another is a transformative gift. It says you are not alone. It says we are one.

Some call it chemistry. Others call it finding their soul mate. Whatever you call it, one taste of emotional intimacy and you are changed. Resonance is the unspoken discourse of intercourse. It is the heady experience where your essence is reflected by another and you love what you see. There is a sharing and cherishing of the most vital and vulnerable components of your being. Transparency and authenticity are affirmed and at an equilibrium. Of course, this kind of bonding elevates sex. It provides a solid foundation of knowing and trusting based on emotional recognition. You are me. We are free to be uninhibited.

Writers create stories of fiction and non-fiction but all contain an element of truth. A writer can share humiliating flaws or triumphant conquests through stories. Whether the author intends to reach a wide audience or just has a tale to tell, it is especially magnificent if the listeners find themselves within the writing. Without writer-reader resonance stories are lifeless text and the writer is a stranger, speaking a foreign language. A gifted writer makes a personal story universal. You are me. Carry on.

Exquisite and Profound Enlightenment

It is illuminating to compare sex/love with writing. They both foster a level of depth that changes us on the inside. Through writing we learn about ourselves and others, creating compassion. Creating better lovers? I believe yes, provided the three elements: passion, technique and resonance are present.


Brenna is a suburban writer with a curious, yet introverted nature.  Besides a healthy infatuation with her inner life, she is also a consummate lover of learning, beauty, the human condition and trees.  Website; http://space2live.net/. Email: [email protected]

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