What I Need in a Woman.

Via Waylon Lewis
on Jul 27, 2012
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I like girls who like dresses with pockets.

But that’s not vital to the kind of relationship I’m looking for.

108 Dealbreakers.

1. I need your nose to crinkle at the top when you laugh at me or smile at my seriousness. (I need you never to take me too seriously)

2. I need you to try and make out with me in a car, which I don’t like because people could see in and I’m protective, but Mumford & Sons is on the radio and you want me to love them. (I need you to delight in following your wilder instincts for ordinary love)

Click image for link.

3. I need you to want to go for a run if I’m busy working and not bother me, because you’re independent and not clingy. (I need some space—it’s both relaxing and stimulating)

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4. I need you to have your own center of gravity. Be powerful. (I need you to meditate, or find your true, empty nature through some form of meditation in action)

Ryan Gosling Feminist

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5. Despite your center of gravity, your independence, your power, I need you to be confident enough to be vulnerable: to not only need me, and be okay needing me. (and, vice versa—I need you to be okay with my being vulnerable, which I am)

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6. Okay: I only have 5. (We can’t have more than five, or we’re the problem)


About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now elephantjournal.com & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. elephantjournal.com | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, is now available.


38 Responses to “What I Need in a Woman.”

  1. Suresh Nair says:

    great post, serious and lightly humorous at the same time 🙂

  2. tridentgirl says:

    I like a crunchy outer shell of integrity with a soft chewy inside made of kindness, a smudging of adventurous jelly filling and a dusting of really affectionate sprinkles.

  3. elephantjournal says:

    Via FB: I like girls who like dresses with pockets: and 107 other requirements for true love: via yours truly.

    Marie M Dresses with pockets from fair trade shops…♥

    Susan A A dress without pockets is a real deal breaker when shopping…

    Deborah S check x 5. Now, if there were only more guys with this list. Damn.

    John K I like girls with pants,more famaliar with them

    Gwen S you had me at 1> I love dresses with pockets and often wont buy one unless its got them. + I have always thought u were cute.

    I also love le petit prince

  4. Kiki says:

    Keep working on your list. You deserve someone with at least 108 attributes. 🙂

  5. tridentgirl says:

    Oh I almost forgot, then I like to dip it in a big bowl of laughter, mischief making, smiles, kisses, road trips, climbing, bike rides, romance, comfortable silences, loving making, boring hum-drum, and just all around general daily life.

  6. Lauren says:

    oh the want me vs. need me conversation…the fine balance is something that is hard to acheive
    good read

  7. Mamaste says:

    Just intro'd on FB to: Culture & I'm Not Spiritual.

  8. monica says:

    lovely & funny.

  9. Andréa Balt says:

    Funny & charming, as usual. BUT, more seriously unspeaking: Love is selfish, no? ~ to quote some dude here on elephant.

    I want I want, I, I, I, that's great, I get it, super great, great times a million, but what do you offer? I mean, wanna do real love business? Then I dare you to write a post titled something like: 10 real, non-BS things I'm willing to give to the woman I need (or anyone who will take me). 🙂 Would honest, mindful, sweet, fun self-promotion work for love? Just curious.

    PS: And no, you can't include any of the info in your bio. Also, Dog is cute on its own, don't play that card.

  10. racheldardenbennett says:

    My favorite: "Despite your center of gravity, your independence, your power, I need you to be confident enough to be vulnerable: to not need me, but love me, and be okay needing me." I think this is what we all want: to be needed, but not clung to. To have someone vulnerable AND confident and to be OK with that contradiction. Thanks for making me rethink what it is I' looking for…and what it is I'm giving out. Hope you'll check me out at http://www.racheldardenbennettwonders.com

  11. Torrie says:

    A woman like that will have a very tall order in what she needs in a man.

  12. […] break ever, I fell back in love with an old flame, and she with me…only to discover my weak, needy longings being politely put off, then rejected […]

  13. Not that you asked, but here's what I need in a man:

    1. I need you to care about Climate Change as much as Al Gore; and to call out the stupids like Cenk.
    2. I need you not to play the devil's advocate when I'm hurt; I need you to empathize with me.
    3. I need your pupils to dilate when we're standing across from one another; I need your desire to be palpable.
    4. I need you to do partner yoga with me.
    5. I need you to work hard, so I can play more basketball.
    6. I need you to stop at 5 because you're not a problem, but a joy to be with.

  14. savvygee says:

    damn i love this.

  15. Nan says:

    I HATE dresses with pockets, my nose doesn't crinkle, never made out in a car to Mumford and Sons and I don't need you. Drat, this is what I've been doing wrong all this time!!!

  16. Terry says:

    Well that's a relief! Thank God he's only got 5. Whew.

  17. martinanewberry says:

    I love you, Green Liberation!

  18. Karen says:

    Ditto! (for what I need in a man…..) 😉

  19. Kikisunshineface says:

    delightful read, as usual ..

  20. iaras says:

    there is nothing wrong with wanting and having a mile long list of attributes required from that one and only, when you trully fall in love just one thing stays on your mind and holds it all together, the most important and absolute thing that matters in a relationship ………. you know your life is empty without him/ her and no matter what he/she is missing you are willing to make it work because you know it's worth it

  21. When I saw this link on Twitter I was all set not to like it…but when I read it I think I might have melted a little bit. 🙂

  22. Amy says:

    I’m your girl. 😉

  23. Melissa says:

    me too me too

  24. Pamela says:

    darn; I guess I'm too late! ha!!

  25. Hallelujah Highway says:

    I loved this post. It is perfect! Thanks! ~ Kristi

  26. elissascott says:

    Love this. XX El. Me too…

  27. andeejo says:

    Love that comment andrea 🙂 couldnt agree more 🙂 and #3 by green liberation. Yum 🙂

  28. Emily L says:

    It’s so hard to feel comfortable needing someone, deeply needing someone from the core of my being at that moment, without feeling that I am crossing the boundary into “clingy.” I may never know where that line is. And little hurts more than having it pointed out to you in the moment.

  29. carolina says:


  30. carolina says:

    grin, yes

  31. martha says:

    i agree and would also ask if that's when he wants it or is it just when he needs hmm

  32. brighteyes says:

    catch me if you can……….

  33. Kristina says:

    Great Post. A big one on my list: I want one guy, when I ask him what his ideal Sunday is, to not say football and sex, or video games and sex. *sigh

  34. Freya Watson says:

    Oh, I could have written this about what I want in a man!! Simple and lovely, Waylon 🙂

  35. Jamie Khoo says:

    oh gosh, isn't this just the most splendid post! I'm giggling. You never cease to amaze, Waylon xxx

  36. Alexandra McCullough says:

    Love how you always keep it light. xo

  37. marian284 says:

    That woman you're describing would definitely HATE this list. Independent and strong woman hate anybosy telling them how to BE.