Attracted to the Unavailable. {Video}

Via Celia Aurora de Blas
on Aug 7, 2012
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I think we’ve all heard of the common phrase “s/he’s emotionally unavailable.”

It’s usually accompanied by an exasperated sense of entitlement or defeat as if there’s something wrong with the chosen mate. I get the annoyance of it, but I also get the seductive nature that desire has when combined with the “just out of reach” nature of the “unavailable player.” That’s why we keep going back, right? To finally snag that elusive thing that will quench our thirst.

I’ve never been a complainer about this—more a notice-er and partaker of the class of us who seem to be attracted to this particular type of drama. I thought I’d take a heartfelt stab at this topic by being honest about my own feelings and observations of myself as a player in this arena.

There are two things that make this a common theme in the human condition:

1.  The unhealed parts of ourselves who don’t want to let anyone in.

2. The excitement of the chase.

You pick which one fits where.

Here we go (sorry about the audio and video discrepancy):


Editor: Lynn Hasselberger

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About Celia Aurora de Blas

Celia Aurora de Blas is an Actress, Producer and Yoga Nidra teacher in Los Angeles. By being honest and public about her path in changing herself, she intends to help others by example. "Change is challenging, but it helps when we see others do what we're trying to do. It makes it less scary."


19 Responses to “Attracted to the Unavailable. {Video}”

  1. Darius says:

    Your courage to face and speak your truth is inspiring.

  2. EclecticLion says:

    Very Beautiful, thank you for sharing…I cried along with you, touched home on many levels. It helps to know one is not alone in their struggles. Your self awakening is inspiring on my own…took most of my 20's following patterns to realize they were my own doing in so many ways. Namaste.

  3. Aurora says:

    E-Lion, yes, a lot of noticing and detective work and desire for things to be different. Thank you for your words :)-A

  4. Aurora says:

    Thanks, Darius. I'm glad it resonates:)

  5. deb says:

    thank you aurora,
    we are the same. i just left a relationship where i was loved but not totally accepted for who i truly am. i have come to believe that i stayed for three years because of my self worth wounds. after all, who would EVER love and accept me for who i truly am anyway ? !
    i am working 24/7 on this and feel so much more conscious already (it's been about 6 weeks since i left). i know it is a long challenging road ahead and only time and new relationships will tell if i have truly learned, but i am feeling so much more love and compassion for myself now and i believe that's where the work lies.
    love, light, peace
    sat nam <3
    ~ debra

  6. Diane says:

    I LOVE this kind of real! You're beautiful!

  7. Samuel Mercado says:

    What can I receive from this… I've been struggling with this unavailable syndrome always, but have opened up to its truth only recently (crazy to find this post right now today)… I've read. I've practiced. I've taught. I've used my knowledge to hide away my unavailability. I can't have/be with this girl I want, so I'm just going to abstain from that aspect of life and pretend I'm a celibate yogi with high ideals.. That way I can bust out my yogi card when one expresses desire for me but I'm not interested, or when I'm interested but there's just no way on earth to be with her, then I can console myself with a bit of mindful meditation (mental farting?)

    Honestly I'm still lost. I don't know what it is that is hurt and wounded in me… Or maybe I'm too far into my woundedness to even see what's what.

    Thank you for sharing, I'll remember your message next time I see the pain in my eyes as I look in the mirror, while striving for self-acceptance/love change…

  8. Yelena says:

    Aurora this is so courageous of you to be able to share this.
    This article literally spoke to me as I was sitting in my car today asking myself why I have that character?
    It really inspires me to open up and do some digging.
    Thank you for your courage.

  9. solfulsoul says:

    your search for truth and honesty is a beauty rare to me… and rarity is quite the concept… today.  

    to be honest, "I feel you", as they say… but I'm not so sure I really hear you… 

    what drew me here was the notion of chasing the unattainable… and that is a feeling we all know… I'm a poet and you're an actress (hardly different I suppose)… chasing the "unattainable" is our craft… but when it comes to people, when it comes to those things that are not subservient to our will the way words or our own bodies are… it feels unbelievably real… what greater affirmation of who we are can we ever touch?

    I fear that what you call "unattainable" is more attainable than we ever realize—so attainable that we may even hold it inside without knowing.  But, we live in a world where material is praised as everlasting and the immaterial as a fool's folly.  

    You said, at one point, that you thought you could do things to make people like you, want you… that you wanted to be good enough for someone to stay… forgive me when I say that I felt shame but I see honor in that a fight. 

    What beauty is greater than knowing what you want and chasing it?  and what honor is greater than staying true—no matter what?

    these "unattainables" were not so for any material reason… you also called them emotionally unavailable.. that means you saw in them a beauty of the sky, if you will… you saw untouchable immeasurable value—not pieces of the earth, not material desires—you saw reason, reason to stay…

    someone very dear to me, perhaps an "unattainable" once told me not to "grab at water"… that to reach, touch, hold, taste water you can't grab at it… you'll get very little, if anything at all… you need to cup your hands gently… and you'll get what you can take. 

    and I guess sometimes you just gotta wait until it rains… (o what's a bottle of water!)

    I mean what does it mean to "settle"?  Who is to tell us what is attainable and what is not? Isn't that something we are born with? 

    what can you grab of the earth that won't wither away?
    just as time will go on from day to day

    and what more is the wish to touch the sky
    than just a wish to try and fly?

  10. Ted says:

    Wow. Thank you.

  11. Aurora says:

    It sounds like you're in a really great place deb (that's my mom's name too)…You're on your way courageous one! One step at a time and you can do it 🙂 You're strong!


  12. Aurora says:

    Thank you, Diane:)

  13. Aurora says:

    Samuel, all good things. Thank you for sharing openly. :)A

  14. Aurora says:

    I'm so glad! Thank you for reaching out, Yelena. I'm curious to know what you find in your digs:) -A

  15. Eva says:

    Thanks and namaste 🙂

  16. Aurora says:

    Yes, indeed you are a poet. What lovely words. I had to sit in them several times to collect my thoughts: I see your point. It's a point that sees the beauty in it and it's appreciative of 'what is'. I like the perspective quite a bit. You're right, there is beauty in the chase and in just having that desire. I think the key difference may be if you are content in that or if you want something else that you aren't giving yourself because you aren't coming from a full place already….That's it. Love your words.


  17. Charles says:

    Of course, you’re amazing…

  18. […] here—the ocean air, the sand between my toes, the people watching on the boardwalk and time, that elusive entity that we all hope to grasp but never seem to be able to […]

  19. xo N says:

    Aurora- It seems I'm late to this post as I've only just discovered the Elephant Journal. Of course I wound up here as I've known to a certain degree I'm also unavailable and find myself attracted to emotionally unavailable men. I've been working on this for years but I'm finally taking full responsibility in a way I haven't in the past. I found myself at this page as I'm searching for answers both within and without because I'm tired of "touching the flame". I sat here and watched your video and immediately upon seeing your eyes, I knew you knew. I knew you, at the time of this video, felt what I feel. I sat here and cried as you spoke because you spoke the words of my heart. Thank you for sharing your journey as you haven helped me on mine as a result.